My "shameless" relationship with my ex wife

by Jayk 36 Replies latest social relationships

  • Theonlyoneleft
    Theonlyoneleft

    Jayk,

    commumication.

    If you want to have a relationship with her, tell her how you feel and include the children in this... as if things go serious they will become part of your life too.

    Let her know that you would prefer to take things slow as of to prevent the mistakes of the past.

    Also there’s two children to consider now. The last thing you or her would like to do is that you would built a relationship with the children just to end up in heartache later on, for all of you in the end.

    Problems can be worked on if there’s respect for one another, mutual space and love for each other.

    Leave your feelings by the door and also ask yourself... what advice would I give to a friend if they found themselves in this situation?

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

  • Jayk
    Jayk

    That's all pretty solid advice I appreciate that. What you said about the kids is being discussed and I feel the same. I'm trying to look at this situation from all perspectives before I make my final decision.

  • MeanMrMustard
    MeanMrMustard

    So, two failed marriages (one with you), someone else’s kids, bi-sexual, drugs in the last relationship, current taking SSRIs. Also, gets manipulative when you express doubt.

    From what possible perspective does this end well?

  • Jayk
    Jayk
    Well mrmustard this is where I'm supposed to say "well no one is perfect". The toughest pill for me to swallow is that manipulative part.. Growing up with a abusive and manipulative mother was pretty hard. I'm at peace now but it took years for me to find it on my own. I dont want to think that's what she is doing but she probably is. She wasnt using drugs in her last relationship just her gf was. I guess I got alot of thinking to do on this subject. I appreciate the advice everyone.
  • Diogenesister
    Diogenesister

    Please please be aware that when kids form a parental-role bond with a person married, or in a relationship, with their biological parent and that relationship ends, they can't just "switch off" their feelings.

    They will always see " uncle Jayk" as Dad. Or uncle. They are programmed to have a special, life long love for the care takers of their childhood.

    In many ways romantic relationships are the most ephemeral. Even though religion insists you are "one flesh," the truth is they are the most disposable of all our bonds.

  • Diogenesister
    Diogenesister

    PS. Love the "Shameless" reference!

  • nmthinker
    nmthinker

    How old are you? Why would you want to open up this can of worms again? Run away, you're being a total simp. She is looking for a sucker like you to take care of her and her kids.

  • MeanMrMustard
    MeanMrMustard
    She is looking for a sucker like you to take care of her and her kids.

    Yeah. This seems like the likely scenario at this point.

  • Jayk
    Jayk

    The kids are deff something we are taking into consideration so that people dont come in and out of their lives. I'm just about to turn 30. She doesnt need me to be there financially or a father figure for her kids.

    Ps I thought the shameless reference was necessary

  • MeanMrMustard
    MeanMrMustard
    The kids are deff something we are taking into consideration so that people dont come in and out of their lives.

    Right. Speaking of which - where’s the father? Either 1) he’s a good guy that didn’t want to stick around because she is insufferable or 2) perhaps she left a good guy because she’s terribly immature and hypergamous, or 3) he’s a crappy guy, which tends to call into question her decision making abilities. You can probably reflect on this, since she left you for the father of her kids, right? In any case, it’s not good.

    She doesnt need me to be there financially or a father figure for her kids.

    Cool. So, give this a shot. Tell her that you’ll give the relationship a go, but no marriage. She doesn’t need to be legally bound to your resources, and you don’t need to parent her children, so it should all work out, right? Also, you would like her to pay on the next date.

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