I went Elder Hunting yesterday!

by Tight Pants Twinkle Toes 32 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Tight Pants Twinkle Toes
    Tight Pants Twinkle Toes

    WIn my first post I introduced you to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle dum, ( Surprise Elders Visit ). Well last Sunday night I got phone call from T- Dum, he informed me that T-Dee was listening in, no doubt practicing his short hand. T-Dum went on to say how he was concerned that we were making the biggest mistake of our lives, yada yada. I informed him we were perfectly happy with our decision. He immediately got to the real reason for the call....."Tell me what you meant when you said, I don't want to be a part of this Organization anymore"? I waited a good while and let him think he had asked a real profound, soul searcher, then in my best Michael Corleone voice, I replied, " I have no recollection of that Senator" He stuttered around and asked another 'stumper', I replied "no comment", and politely hung up the phone.

    Well as the week went by that little conversation really began to piss me off, and I decided to go Elder Hunting, recognizing that these are shy, skittish, but still vicious little bastards, I planned my hunt carefully. I knew this particular target worked a our local Lowes, so I would endeaver to trap him at work, where he would be most vulnerable. Wow, was I lucky, it just so happened that this particular small 'woodland creature' was stationed at the end of an aisle spotting for the fork lift driver so he couldn't move. I quietly stepped up along side my prey, while both of us we're looking in the same direction, I, in my best Achmed the Dead Terrorist voice, (I hear voices) I whispered sweetly into his ear, "Gooood evening, Infidel". Poor thing, he nearly shit himself, as he recoiled back, his eyes blinking wildly, as big as saucers, he managed a week smile, and to my amazement spoke, "H-H-Hey buddy" I decide to play with him first, " Hey T-dum, what were you trying to do the other night when you called and asked those soul searching questions?" His weak fumbling response went something like, "well, I,I was just trying to see wh- wh what your position is". "You know very well what my position is." I followed up with, " Are you coming after us? If you are let's get on with it!"

    After another a wild blinking event, he stated, "well, no, probably not, as long as you keep your mouth shut." I have to say, as mild and gentle a person as I am, (right?) THAT triggered me a little, and I decided to go for the kill, I proceeded to blast his ass, with everything from, ARC to 1914, Beth Sarim and Beth Shan, to the shit written in the Finished Mystery, Rutherfords, and even Freddie's toxic bullshit, not to mention those Ass clowns on the GB now! I then calmly informed Tweedle-Dum, if you come after me and my wife, " I will sue all of you, and you know I have the means and the determination to do it. This of course was followed by his most pronounced blinking fit, he blurted out you wouldn't sue me would you!? I looked him kindly in the eye and purred sweetly, "it's nothing personal."

    The last memory I have of this small nervous woodland creature is him bolting across the store, blinking wildly, muttering, "I have to get back to work!"

    I never thought that hunting was that much fun, now I'm thinking I might do it for a living!

  • dogon

    I had a similar experience in that I had told an elder who I had grown up with that I felt the org was a cult and a lot like Scientology. He ran to daddy who is big man elder and wanted to meet with me with a couple of elders. I refused the offer. Later he showed up with a second elder and I said I know why your here, you want me to shit or get off the pot. He said well not in those words but yes. To which I replied its your job you do it. I am not giving you the rope to hang me. He said if you don't want to be a dubber why resist. I said because it pisses you off.

  • Giles Gray
    Giles Gray
    "I never thought that hunting was that much fun"

    There are not many greater pleasures.

    Great story.

  • Diogenesister

    Great story, very amusingly written.

    At first, I thought oh, c'mon, just let it go but you know what...their behaviour stinks. They know darn well what they do..." keep your mouth shut" How dare he!!! Honestly, they are like the mafia ( minus the violence)NOT YOU! Threatening people like that especially when they hold your family hostage.

  • ToesUp

    That was great! Nothing like watching these asshats sh@t themselves. I've toyed with one of these guys as well....it IS fun!

    These guys have the noose tied and ready to shove the chair out from under you. It really irks them when they can't "getcha." Great job!

  • DesirousOfChange

    Sounds like lots of fun, though not what I would consider a discreet effort to "fade" (if that's your goal).

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    It just so happened this particular small woodland creature was stationed at the end of an aisle spotting for a forklift driver....

    Clean-up on Aisle 4...Clean-up on Aisle 4 please.

  • Anony Mous
    Anony Mous

    We're going on an elder hunt, we're going to catch a big one, what a beautiful day, we're not scared!

  • Tight Pants Twinkle Toes
    Tight Pants Twinkle Toes

    Desirous of change: Not a fader, not afraid of bullies, my new mantra is Hunt them before they hunt you!! Thanks

  • scratchme1010

    I never thought that hunting was that much fun, now I'm thinking I might do it for a living!

    In time it's going to get boring, especially as you realize that they are just not worth your time.

    They really expect people who act ashamed and scared of them when they approach you. It was good to see that the hunter became prey.

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