The Constant Mindchatter After You Leave

by pale.emperor 35 Replies latest jw experiences

  • mentalclarity

    I think it takes time for those thoughts to go away - especially if they are attached to alot of anger and emotion. I know one thing that's helped me is journaling and talking about all the feelings that come up with a therapist. It just gives me space to vent and process that's really helpful. Just getting some validation from a third neutral party is good, but overall...just feeling all the stuff that comes up. It's amazing how disconnected we can become from our body and emotions and that's basically what the therapist had me do...feel every emotion physically and talking about how I felt. The intensity of the thoughts and emotions has really decreased after that so I don't feel it's robbing me from enjoying the present.

    I also found it useful to limit my time on this site when I first was out because it's stirred up alot of negativity - everything was a little too fresh. Now it's fine. I wish you the best - obsessive thinking is the worst!

  • Giordano

    Pale my wife and I have been out for 52 years. Before that we both started associating at age 12 for me and 13 for her thanks to our moms. So having a past non JW life experience did ground us considerably. Plus our fathers were not in.

    I think one reason I didn't experience mind chatter was because I took two or so years doubting, questioning and talking with close friends...... none of whom could answer my questions. We were all ignorant in those days in comparison to this group. Now I truly get to pick what I want to be ignorant about lol.

    Eventually I told my wife that I was leaving the religion but she should remain. "No thanks", she replied,"I never believed in it". Now the difference was interesting She dropped it as easily as shedding her coat. Where as I had to work at exiting the belief. Maybe part of it was ego as I was considered one of those golden boys....... an up and coming Brother.

    I once did have some mind chatter. I was going to a trade school studying photography. We had a large dark room and because there was a lot of running water it was hard to hear.

    But I kept hearing the name Jehovah.......... not continually...... but every now and then. This went on for a few days and I was nonplussed. Then one day I passed by two of my classmates and this one guy was running down the reasons the other guy needed to become a JW. It was nice to know I wasn't going bat shit crazy.

    I don't get into the theology and could care less if there's a god or not when it comes to this forum.

    What I do care about is the people on this forum especially those going through a hard time breaking away or having their lives turned up side down.

    You were hard wired to believe from birth and many on here the same. It takes a bit of time to yank out those wires. Obviously you have contributed to many of the discussions and in your own way you have helped many.

  • Freedom rocks
    Freedom rocks

    There is lots of really good advice from people here that I'm going to try to put into practice. I distanced myself emotionally from so called jw friends the last few years before i left the cult so the shunning didn't bother me but certain what ifs still keep popping into my head. I guess in time that will stop and for now we all need to focus on enjoying our lives and spend as much time as possible with our friends and family and do positive things that make us happy and help us to grow as people

  • moreconfusedthanever

    Oh my gosh! I was just saying to my husband that I am annoyed at how much of my day is spent thinking about the religion and my life in it. I think about more now than I ever did while I was still in the fog.

    It annoys me so much. I wish it would just go away.

  • Old Navy
    Old Navy

    The "secret" of Letting Go:

    "If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate." - C. JoyBell C.

  • Old Navy
    Old Navy

    Some years ago when I attended meetings with Alcoholics Anonymous we'd close our meetings with this "prayer."

    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.
    It comes to mind nearly every day.
  • Crazyguy

    This crap is in my head all the time as well. I go to this site and Reddit several times a day. Listen to apostate sites on you tube regularly too. I think it would be easy to walk away and just let it go if it wasn’t for the fact my wife and kids are stuck in this cult.

  • smiddy3

    I have been out over 25 years and I can relate to what you are saying ,my wife and boys left about the same time I did and they don`t seem to have a problem ? ( if it is a problem or just an interest ) that I have.

    I just love to hear the latest from the Borg and how they are faring in the world and to add my 2 cents worth to get people thinking mainly lurkers and newbies .

    I have been criticised for stating the obvious on some occasions but the purpose has been to get the still in person to reason it out.

    I hear you brother loud and clear as I was in for 33 years.

    Thanks for your contributions to this site.

  • humbled

    It has been a while since I’ve been here. But yesterday l peeked in for the first time in maybe 3 years and saw your post, PE. Your comments and others struck home. I remembered the process after leaving. And yes — the mind chatter.

    This website, the people. the community here, the threads – – truly I can’t imagine my coming out of the brainwashing without the support and even the buffeting that one experiences in this community. We who leave the Org are having to leave a high control environment and it is hard to find our own footing so that we can move forward. Move forward on our own.

    l mean moving forward without hearing that constant echo of the anxious JW self-censor that subverts our personal agency, makes us second guess our every thought, doubt the value of our own feelings and judgement. Sharing the struggles and stories with other XJWs was crucial.

    That said, I did say goodbye to this community about three years ago to. I had to invest in real-time, in building relationships where I live. But this community helped me to process the core of my personal healing that may perhaps be useful to you: I believe that I had to come to my own reckoning about what-kind-of-if-at-all god was left in me. Or not. And this place was where I sorted out a huge part of it.

    There was an epic thread on this site that cofty started. The conversation he opened skinned and dissected all notions of god that any of us had. Cofty opened the topic but everyone weighed in. We- all of us thrashed and winnowed everything—sometimes each other. But at its end l felt purged, released. I found my peace, no anxiety about god.

    I have been 9 or 10 years out. No more chatter.

    Good luck!

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    @Humbled!!! Maeve!!! So GOOD to see you again! I emailed you through your daughter because I was concerned from not seeing you post anymore. So glad to hear from you again.

    I can read PM's but am on restrictions i guess. Haven't been able to post PM's since last May 2017.

    Please PM me and send me an email address so I might keep in touch.

    PS A couple of years ago you named baby chicks after some of us. What happened to them? Did they live long happy egg laying lives before they entered the stew pot? How is your husband??? How are you???

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