The Constant Mindchatter After You Leave

by pale.emperor 35 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pale.emperor

    Hi everyone. I've been out almost 2 years now and consider myself wide awake to Watchtower propaganda and well on my way to recovery from the mental abuse we've all experienced.

    One thing that just will not go is that i constantly think of JWism and Watchtower and get myself all annoyed at their lies and blatant twisting of facts in their broadcasts and magazines. It's so bad that it's the first thing i think of when i wake up, then i have these mental arguments in my head proving the JW teachings false and then getting annoyed because no JW will listen even if you tried to tell them. I call this constant thinking and mental reasoning and mental arguing "mindchatter". I just cant turn it off.

    I read in psychology that the reason we sometimes get a song stuck in our head is because we didnt hear the end of the song last time we heard it. That our brain doesnt like an unfinished thought so it plays the song over and over to get you to finish it. And that to get the song out of your head you should listen to the song all the way though or try to think of the end of the song. In a similar way i think that's whats happening here. I feel like i have unfinished business with the Watchtower society. That i need to take action to finally put an end to my life with them. But how? I enjoy watching Lloyd Evans rebuttals and i come on here everyday. But that's because nobody understands except us. My girlfriend finds the pillowgate trailer hilarious and when i explain the teachings of JWs she thinks they weird but that's as far as it goes. Whenever i talk about my past or my childhood i have to explain backstory first like the JW terminology or what Bethel is etc. But when i talk to you guys i dont have to do that. Yesterday she laughed and commented how i mention my old religion literally everyday in conversation. But that's because 31 years of my life WAS JWism. It coloured and influenced literally every thought, action and decision since i was born.

    I wish i could just move on from this JW crap and live a life without thinking about it. But just when i think im making real progress there's a fucking JW cart on the street corner or outside the store im going in and the title of the magazine they're holding out makes me want to approach and debunk them.

    Sorry for the rant. Today the mindchatter is stronger than usual.

  • Freedom rocks
    Freedom rocks

    Its definitely a religion that is hard to get away from mentally. The carts are all over the place if you want to go out shopping or go on a train or a bus. Even people that have been out for 30+ years are still talking about the religion on this forum. I don't think it ever leaves us properly and we have to learn to just block it out and push it to the back of our minds and get on with life and enjoy it.

  • Xanthippe

    Perhaps you need a break from this site? Stop talking about it at least for a while? The mind chatter about the Borg fades, really it does. I understand that in some ways we cannot get to the end of the traumatic experience because our relatives and friends won't listen and the cult still exists.

    I just worked on not being angry, getting qualifications and getting a job, a house and a life. There isn't any closure, I understand. Just work on making it fade and being busy enjoying your life.

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    Firstly let me say your contribution here PE has been tremendous. However for the sake of your brain and relationships, the time has possibly come to concentrate, at least for a while, on other things--as Xanthippe suggests.

    I reckon if you can give your education the same obsessive fervour; you will have harnessed something very useful from the experience of leaving the cult. Intellectual dissonance can be productive!

    What are you studying btw?


    Quite a problem for moi !

    Along with my anger issues toward JWBorg -

  • pale.emperor

    Thanks guys.

    What are you studying btw?

    Im studying Psychology with counseling - the goal is to be a therapist for ex-cult members and for anything i write (when i eventually get round to writing a book) has some real credence when JWs come to criticize it.

    I think you're right. I do need to take a break from here. But i do enjoy coming here and sharing.

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    Good morning Pale. I know exactly what you are talking about. These thoughts I feel is just part of the process one has to go though in a heathy way of deprogramming ourselves. Been seven years for me since leaving and there are still little things that come up in my mind or how I react to what people say or treat me. The good thing is I am now able to reason things out in my mind when this happens and I use this information to teach myself how to deal with this in the future.

    I feel the education you are taking to help other cult victims is great. But taking care of your mental health is just as important. As time goes on I feel the constant mind chatter will lessen. Learn from it. It may will be a great teaching tool for your up coming profession. Have a great day and stay well. Still Totally ADD

  • punkofnice

    Out 8 years. The chatter has gone. I still hate the GovBod with an unhealthy violence where I really want to cause them physical harm. I can live with that.

    I think it just takes time.

    I read in psychology that the reason we sometimes get a song stuck in our head is because we didnt hear the end of the song last time we heard it. That our brain doesnt like an unfinished thought so it plays the song over and over to get you to finish it.

    Oh, no. I'll avoid the unfinished symphony.

  • stuckinarut2

    Great thread PE!

    Xan made a great comment too!

    I guess it comes down to accepting that much of our very being will always be affected by the simple fact that we spent our whole lives in the cult. Also, our very formative years as children and teenagers.

    So its inevitable that our synapses have been wired to think about Jw stuff...

    BUT, we can redefine the nature of those thoughts, and change the reaction from an emotional one to an academic one.

    We can't change our past, but we can choose to change our reactions to it.

    Wow. Well done for focusing on studying to be a counsellor to help ones who are breaking free from a cult. That is such a noble and appreciated field to enter! Thank you for the contribution you will make to so many!

    And please be aware of how much we do value your contributions here mate! If you do take a break, you will be missed.

  • dubstepped

    You haven't been out long, and you just watched the way your brother was treated. You just had lies told about you too by family. Of course the mindchatter hasn't stopped, my friend. You haven't had distance, and I honestly don't think you need a break from here. I think that you get that closure by being here and that your brain needs time and information like found on here to work it out. You can't run from it. Now, maybe taking a week away would help, I don't know, as I did that once and it helped because I was spinning a little too much with the stuff, but ultimately the only way around is through, in my opinion and for what that's worth.

    Perhaps you just need to find your voice. I did so through my podcast. Hey, maybe that could help. Would you like to tell your story on the "shunned" podcast? I know the guy that does it. He's a wanker, but he takes his audio out of the interview so it's just you telling your story (well, most of the time) so you don't even have to hear his shrill voice. ;)

    Seriously though. My wife had not slept well in almost 2 years since leaving the cult. She sat down, really figured out her story and went through it, told it on my podcast, and she's legitimately slept great ever since. It was quite the realization to her. Everyone that has done so thus far has said how cathartic it is. Maybe it would help. Let me know if you want to try it. I'll be doing some interviews in February and could probably fit you in my friend.

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