Hi everyone. I've been out almost 2 years now and consider myself wide awake to Watchtower propaganda and well on my way to recovery from the mental abuse we've all experienced.
One thing that just will not go is that i constantly think of JWism and Watchtower and get myself all annoyed at their lies and blatant twisting of facts in their broadcasts and magazines. It's so bad that it's the first thing i think of when i wake up, then i have these mental arguments in my head proving the JW teachings false and then getting annoyed because no JW will listen even if you tried to tell them. I call this constant thinking and mental reasoning and mental arguing "mindchatter". I just cant turn it off.
I read in psychology that the reason we sometimes get a song stuck in our head is because we didnt hear the end of the song last time we heard it. That our brain doesnt like an unfinished thought so it plays the song over and over to get you to finish it. And that to get the song out of your head you should listen to the song all the way though or try to think of the end of the song. In a similar way i think that's whats happening here. I feel like i have unfinished business with the Watchtower society. That i need to take action to finally put an end to my life with them. But how? I enjoy watching Lloyd Evans rebuttals and i come on here everyday. But that's because nobody understands except us. My girlfriend finds the pillowgate trailer hilarious and when i explain the teachings of JWs she thinks they weird but that's as far as it goes. Whenever i talk about my past or my childhood i have to explain backstory first like the JW terminology or what Bethel is etc. But when i talk to you guys i dont have to do that. Yesterday she laughed and commented how i mention my old religion literally everyday in conversation. But that's because 31 years of my life WAS JWism. It coloured and influenced literally every thought, action and decision since i was born.
I wish i could just move on from this JW crap and live a life without thinking about it. But just when i think im making real progress there's a fucking JW cart on the street corner or outside the store im going in and the title of the magazine they're holding out makes me want to approach and debunk them.
Sorry for the rant. Today the mindchatter is stronger than usual.