Wife came home upset ...
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer!
Three guys are walking down the street. Two of them walk into a bar, the other one ducks.
Keep em coming, this is great!
Overnight the toilet was stolen from Warrington Kingdom Hall. Police are at the scene investigating but said "they have nothing to go on."
All of us must be ready to obey any instructions we may receive, whether these appear sound or strategic from a human standpoint or not.
I went to the doctors a couple of weeks ago complaining of an extremely sore back.
The doctor said not to lift anything heavier than 2kg.
I replied, "how am I meant to have a piss in the morning."
Husband and wife out shopping for Christmas hats.
Husband boldly declares...... "shall I buy the prostitute hat"
Wife with a stunned look........ "I beg your pardon"
Husband....... "you know the one with ho ho ho on it"
In Iraq women had to walk 10 paces behind their husbands....however after the gulf war....a change seemed to be happening...women were now walking ten paces ahead of their husbands.
An aid worker was amazed at this progress and asked one of the guys what had caused the turnabout.
"Landmines" he replied.
This farmer was outstanding in his field. So the other farmers gave him an award.
Two men were in a pub. One says to his mate, "My MIL is an angel." His friend replies, "You're lucky. Mine is still alive."
A blind man walks into a bar...then a chair, then a table, then a...
Did you hear about the blind man who fell into the well? Because he couldn't see that well.