Wife came home upset ...
A priest, a jobo, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the jobo, “and I indoctrinated him with watchtower propaganda. The bear was so mesmerised that he will be baptised at the next a$$emb£y.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a stretcher in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.
Dead skunk and dead lawyer in the road....how do you tell which is which?
Skid marks in front of the skunk....
A man can`t decide which one of two GF `s to propose to.So decides to put GOD to the test using 3 religions.
He goes into a synagogue and prays fervently asking GOD to help him decide eventually he still gets no answer.
He then goes into the High Church of England praying fervently asking God to give him a sign as to who he should choose ,again nothing.
He then decides to give it one more try by going into a Catholic Church and goes through the same procedure praying fervently and in desperation lifts up his hands raises his head and low and behold he see`s the sign from GOD
AVE MARIA inscribed in the rafters.
A guy goes into a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: “Excuse me, how much do you charge?”
The lawyer responds: “I charge £1,000 to answer three questions.”
“Bloody hell – That’s a bit expensive isn’t it?”
“Yes. What’s your third question?”
Two boys were found eating fireworks and one was drinking battery acid.
The Police charged one and let the other one off..
LUM: Hey Abner, where is the first cigarette mentioned in the Bible?
ABNER: I don't know Lum, where is it mentioned?
LUM: In Genesis where it says in the KJV that Rebekah lighted off a camel.
Why dont you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are so good at it!!
LUM: Hey Abner, where is the first tennis game mentioned in the Bible?
ABNER: "I don't know Lum, where is the first tennis game mentioned in the Bible?
LUM: In 1 Samuel where is says that David served in Saul's court.
A sandwich walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. I'm sorry said the bartender, we don't serve lunch here.