However, if I get aggressively in the face of my JW daughters ...
At no point am I suggesting that people are aggressive, mean or nasty. Just that they don't provide the person with the easy option of them pretending they have no choice in the decision of whether to shun or not. In fact, the choice is completely theirs and theirs alone and people need to know that. They don't have to shun - that should be our message.
How people talk to their own family is up to each person. I'm just saying that the idea that we can't say they are shunning us doesn't make sense - or what? they might stop speaking to us?
The problem with my daughters is that they have no social contact with anybody outside the JW cult.
I think this is, in reality, quite rare. Most people have some contact even if they are not close friends, people live in the real world and interact.
Why should they get to walk around pretending they are not doing anything wrong?
Shame and social judgement is a powerful motivator. Societal views are what helped to abolish something as powerfully entrenched as slavery and other practices. People need to know what is going on and keeping it secret, under the guise of "they have to because the WTS told them to" means they get to escape one of the most powerful motivators for change. It plays completely into the WTS hands which is why it's their message.
Let's not propagate the WTS' rules.