My Sister's Wedding - Good and Bad News

by kelpie 45 Replies latest jw experiences

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  flower

  After this weekend, Im seriously considering getting reinstated just so I can have my family back in my life. I know that I wouldnt get caught up in the mind control again but not having my family in my life is killing me.. I come from such a close family and i cannot handle not having them with me. I need my mum.... It is a religion that I know now how it works and I know that I can beat the control. Am I wrong in doing this???,,,,,

  (((((kelpie)))))) no you are not wrong at all! I've thought the same thing even recently. just last night it was another night of tears before bed wishing i had a family again.

  i agree with you there is no way that you would become brainwashed again ...neither would i, but i also dont think thats the only issue or that its realistic to actually go through with it..not for me anyway. heres why, maybe it'll help you..maybe not.

  for one thing, i could never go door to door again and preach that garbage. i just couldnt do it and its required in order to get reinstated. i guess i could lie and make up some hours each month but i think the fact that i wasnt in service would be obvious eventually.

  another thing is, once reinstated could you really live a lifestyle that would assure that you were not df'd again? i couldnt and eventually i would be df'd again, thats for certain. all that sneaking around, lying, hiding your life from anyone who might know someone who might know someone who knows someone you know. ya know what i mean? ;)

  also, when there are kids involved are they going to be required to pretend to be a dub too? i would not do that to my son especially at his age. i dont think i could make him sit through that crap for one minute if he started to say 'why do we have to go'.

  believe me i have SERIOUSLY weighed the pros and cons. it breaks my heart in two to hear my son talk about my his uncle (my little brother) coming to visit him or showing him some new toy he got. he has no idea that it will never happen. we have a couple times a month phone relationship with them right now and i allow it because my son loves my family so much. but sooner rather than later i'm going to have to make a hard decision as to whether this relationship continues because its already becoming difficult to explain why we only see them at funerals and annual reunions and it will be even more difficult to explain why some of their consciences dont allow them to show up at all if we are present once he starts to take notice.

  right now my little brother, my sister and my mom treat him just fine and he loves them. but i also worry that, even if i did go through with the whole charade, when he became old enough to make the decision for himself that the religion is crap, they would discard him just like they did me because he wouldnt have the cute little baby face anymore.

  i'd do anything to have my mom again...to have my family (dysfunctional as it was) again...anything but go back into that cult. sorry for ramblin...hope it helps.

  flower
• 

  Yerusalyim

  Kelpie,

  Sorry for all the pain, happy there's some light here for you too.
• 

  Soledad

  kelpie I will mirror what others have said here already.......just take time and really think it through. you've had a really rough time emotionally, and sometimes we make hasty decisions without thinking it over because we feel so bad. worry about yourself first, not if you're going to disappoint others. it doesn't matter what others think. do what is right for you. I know you will do your best either way.
• 

  rainbow

  I empathize with you totally!!! I had a post a few months ago about my sister's wedding with a very similar experience. I was shunned by my entire family and their spouse's except for my mother and unbaptized sister. She is the one who was getting married.

  I told my mother it only made me resolve even more to stay away from the organization. I told her that if that was the kind of love that the org. gave it wasn't the right religion for me. God is love! I would rather do without my family than to go back to the "UNTRUTH" so that maybe my parents and the rest of my family will see that I will not give in to the shunning. Instead, hopefully they will see that the shunning backfires and causes more people to stay out of the organization than returning to it. It is ASSinine to even treat a fellow human being with such cruelty as shunning.

  I have resolved in my heart and mind to be who I am. I know with this decision that my family will continue to shun me. However, I am much happier with myself to be who I am than to be something fake. I would be lying to myself if I returned to the org. and I will not cheat myself or my children of the real person that I am. I view it as my family's loss, not mine. Yes, I do miss them sometimes but, I have my own life and I would not trade my true self for anything false.

  I hope I have helped you a bit with my own experience. I will say that YOU need to do what is right for YOU no matter what decision you make. If that decision is to go back into the org and it is right for YOU than that will be the right decision. If you choose to stay out and explore your true self then that will be the right decision. What I am trying to say is, don't worry about what others think of any decision you make. Even if in time you felt the decision is the wrong one, you will realize it and learn from it.

  Best wishes to you. I know what you are going through.
• 

  laylaluv

  Kelpie,

  I posted the above message. I haven't been on here for a while (been extremely busy) and somehow I was under an old logon name of rainbow. Anyway, I wanted you to know in case you wanted to check out my post about my sister's wedding.

  Laylaluv
• 

  HadEnuf

  Though my situation isn't exactly like yours...it does revolve around a wedding (oh how sad that at a time when everyone should be joyous...the witnesses make it hell for many because of their "rules & regulations on the correctness of marriage according to the watchtower, bible & crap society.)

  Of course you have to do what YOUR conscience tells you to do; but along with many others here I would advise not making any hasty decisions after just going through such emotional turmoil.

  My mother, sister and brother have been shunning me for the past two years and there have been many times when they first began this most barbaric and cruel practice, that I actually thought about going back to meetings just to keep my family. It would have been much easier for me in my situation because I am neither disfellowshipped or DA'd. But then over the past few months I have come to the conclusion that even though they are my flesh and blood...I actually don't miss them all that much. They were all very controlling and self-righteous even when I was a good little witness. To keep my self-respect...I refuse to jump through their or the watchtower's hoops anymore. Instead I have replaced them with other friends (not locally where I live; tho I'm working on it...but with many here on this website who really don't even know me personally but I feel that I know them).

  I hurt for you and your family. Cathy L.
• 

  WildHorses

  I know I will disappoint people if I do go back

  (((((((((((((((((((((Kelpie))))))))))))))))))))) You have been through SO much this past year. Don't you dare worry about disappointing people if you chose to go back.

  My mom is not a jw, but I know if she were, I would be in the same situations as you. I love my mom more than words can express and I would most likely do the same thing. Just because you get reinstated, doesn't mean you have to continue the meetings after you do. You can just fade away and continue the relationship with your family.

  When I was a jw, I remeber a few people who would only attend the meeting of the memorial. They still had good relationship with their famliy even if they were considered bad association. Heck, as long as I were able to still talk to my mom, I would care what the others thought.

  I hope whatever you decide, it will end in happiness for you. Lord knows you have been though so much and deserve to be happy for a change.
• 

  WildHorses

  for one thing, i could never go door to door again and preach that garbage. i just couldnt do it and its required in order to get reinstated.

  The congregation that I attended wouldn't allow me to go out in field service again until after I was reinstated. Are the requirements different in different congregations?
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  flower

  i could be wrong, if memory serves, you have to be at the meeting for service and go out but you cant give a presentation until you are reinstated then you have to report time. you have to be there and sit in the back like a person with leporsy. forget that..
• 

  WildHorses

  you have to be there and sit in the back like a person with leporsy.

  I remember well that part. But I wasn't allowed to go out in service until after reinstatement. If you are privately reproved you can still go out in service.

  Anyway, getting off topic for a bit here. Flower, you have come such a long way from when you first posted here. You went through a lot of doubt and bad times. But look at you now! I admire you.