Ok.. Firstly let me see I can explain this with out too much rambling....
For those who know me, know that I was disfellowshiped in June this year. Before this time, my mother, stepfather and sister shunned me. Since my disfellowshipping, I have not had contact with my parents and an occasional text message from my sister.
I found out last week that my sister was getting married on the saturday just gone (11th October) so I decided to give her a call on friday to wish her luck for her wedding. Expecting a quick call, I was dumbfounded to see we talked for over an hour.
She informed me that she is going through a tough time and that she hasnt been to a meeting for about 3 months and is having serious doubts. She told me that it is not the religion that is bad but the people in it. She is worried about me becoming an apostate so Im not giving her any information at this stage. She also mentioned that she cannot see a life out side of the organisation.
Anyway, you can imagine how happy I felt when she told me that she wanted me to attend the ceremony AND the reception! So I immediately made the arrangements to make the five hour trip to her wedding the next day.
Well the next day was when it all blew up. My stepfather (whom I consider my natural father) is the only elder in his congregation and is very proud and likes to be the centre of attention, asked my sister if I was attending the ceremony and she said yes. He then asked her if I was attending the reception and she said "I dont know". Well, the crap sure then hit the fan. He went off his head screaming and yelling saying if I attend they wont etc etc. Mum stormed out of the house in tears, my sister ran after my mother. (like a movie)
My Dad called my other sister who isnt a witness (and not attending the wedding in protest) for advice. To cut a long story short, it was decided that I would attend the ceremony but not the reception and that I would stay out of mum and dad's way.
My 2 nieces were there. One I hadnt seen for 2 year and the other for 10 months. Dad tried so hard to keep them away from me but as soon as he was distracted they came running over to me. The 8 year old broke into tears saying how much she has missed me and how long it has been. You can imagine the tears streaming down my face at her hurt.
After the ceremony, my fiance walked up to mum and said hello, she threw her arms around his neck and burst into tears and just clung to him saying im sorry over and over again.
Dad then went into his lecture to Rick saying that I was the one in the wrong, he said it was like I was in jail for my wrong doings. Rick said, why dont you just walk over and give kim a hug and mum said that she is fighting with herself and finding it extremely hard to hold herself back. Dad, being the big macho man he is, said "we cannot break Jehovahs laws, not one little bit" My mum ended up walking away in tears.
They are just soooo strong but mum admitted to rick that ignoring me is killing her but they cannot and wont back down.
Anyway, after the ceremony, against our father's will, my sister walked straight up to me and gave me a kiss and a cuddle and just clung on to me. I forgot to mention that she was 1 HOUR late for the ceremony because she was still arguing with dad about talking to me at the wedding. ( I forgot to mention that she was married by a marriage celebrant, not a JW Elder)
I was soooooo proud of her... I am happy that I got to see my sister and my neices again but sad because I can see the hurt and heartache that my decision to leave the organisation has caused. After this weekend, Im seriously considering getting reinstated just so I can have my family back in my life. I know that I wouldnt get caught up in the mind control again but not having my family in my life is killing me.. I come from such a close family and i cannot handle not having them with me. I need my mum.... It is a religion that I know now how it works and I know that I can beat the control. Am I wrong in doing this???,,,,,
I know I will disappoint people if I do go back, but I feel this is the best thing for me and my family. My children need their grandparents, I need my parents and I know that if anything happened to mum because of the situation I would never forgive myself. I know I can hear you all thinking its not my fault its their decision to shun me but I also have to live with myself...