HELP!!! HELP!!!! HELP!!!!!!

by proudassmonkey 56 Replies latest jw friends

  • proudassmonkey
    proudassmonkey

    here's background on me: i don't believe that God cares about me. i believe there could in all possibilities be a god, but he have an understanding he doesn't care about me i don't care about him. it's been working so far. but seriously i don't know what to believe. i believe in ME first and foremost. i believe that i have the ability to be anything- even god-like if that's what i choose.

    my parents were contacted in '75 by a bethelite. they started studying and were baptised in 77. the 5 kids in my family were raised in a havily bethel influenced area (NY) i never really believed in what they were teaching me but i went along with it b/c that is what you did. i was baptised at the age of 13. would my parents let me get married at such an age? but i was allowed to make a life long dedication, that i am now being held to. i reg. pio. for a year after high school, went to pio school for 2 weeks, after that i never went out in fs again. i guess i felt that was it i paid my time. i was missing as many meetings as i could get away it. not commenting at whatever meetings i was going to. just coasting. another thing happened that i feel is important to note. this was in 96 i stopped automatically saying amen to the prayers said at the kh. acctually i stopped altogether. i wasn't able to leave yet i was still living at home. and dating a bethelite. but i started to mentally distance myself from the witnesses.

    then dec. 10, 1998 happened. my little sister, sara, was driving to school and got into a collision. she ended up dying from esanguanation (bleeding out) wanna guess what she wasn't given? if guessed blood tranfusion you are right. my world of coasting was rocked. i couldnt do it anymore. if my life ended the next day iot would have all been a lie. within that year i was just trying to keep afloat. then i decided to move out of my parent's home and move 30 mins away. (they called the police one night on me b/c they didn't know where i wascome on now i was 21. i can be out and not have the police called!!) so i decided to move away. i was too close. my parents came and checked up on me in my apartment to make sure i was home. so i moved across the country. i moved to california.

    while here i met a boy. he is the love of my life but unrelated to this story. except that at first my parents blamed him for my decision. i decided i couldn't be still technically in the organization w/o believing a word of it. i wrote a letter of disassociation. i have now read a few of the ones posted on here and they are amazing. mine was simple two sentences. "i don't believe in your god. i no longer want to be associated with the jehovah's witnesses' and i had freedom. my parents were flying out to visit me and i told them i had something to talk to them about. unfortunately i told them at the beginging of a two hour car ride. big mistake. they didn't speak to me for two hours but yelled and screamed and ranted and raved. which is worse. but they did tell me something "you can at least have enough respect for your brother and sister not to contact them." so even though there was no WTS ruling on the matter yet. that was done and i was finished. it has been good and bad at times with my parents. like when i told my mom that i was working at the blood bank. she didn't talk to me for 5 mo. only then was when my bf's dad died.

    all this time i have still tried to please them. tried to be the not-so-black sheep. it hasn't worked. there are of course other details to my story. but those are the highlights (acctually low-lights)

    but i have love. unconditional love. from non jw family. from my bf and his mom, his dad too but only it is his spirit form now. i also have unconditional love from my sister sara. i feel her love and presence with me all the time. i don't know what i believe but i know i believe that.

    melissa

    ps thank you so much all for replying it really means a lot to me that i have a place to where i can rant about my whacked out parents and ppl say yes we know exactly how you feel. thank you!!

    **hugs to all**

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    I have not read this whole thread, so forgive me if I repeat someone else.

    Your mother and I can’t just choose what we want to believe and what we don’t what to believe.

    Well actually you can choose. Isn't that what being a "free moral agent" is all about? But it does say a lot about their mindset doesn't it?

    We are still here for you whenever you need us

    Well this what is known as a double message. On one hand they're telling you, literally, they can't ever talk to you again, and then on the other they are "here for you". I'm sorry, but that's crazy.

    Melissa, if it were me I would not reply to the letter. Silence is a tremendously powerful response. It leaves them wondering what you are thinking and what your reaction is. I suspect they will try to offer their conditional love to you in the future, but naturally on their terms. Don't accept a relationship with them unless they can love you unconditionally, i.e. for who you are. No parent who truly loves their child would hesitate.

    Good luck.

  • Ravyn
    Ravyn

    Melissa--talk about controlling parents! The reason they didn't want you to talk to your brothers and sisters was because they were afraid you could influence them! My father is just as controlling--with the exception that he is a schizophrenic who thinks he is anointed too.

    His reply to me that prompted my letter(above) was one of those "no matter where you go I will always be able to find you" letters that I have turned over to the FBI. The advice I was given by the FBI agent was to make a copy of the letter he sent, put it in an envelope, and send it back to him registered so he will have to sign for it. I did. The FBI agent said that that would do two things, first it show my utter rejection of his letter and second, because it was a copy--it would make him worry who had another copy. No more blood smeared Watchtowers open to articles about apostates in my mail box!

    I think someone recommended the book Toxic Parents...well go get it right now! LOL Sounds to me like you have parents who are Narcissists. Been there, done that!

    as far as your beliefs--if you have not already found it--you may like this site on Deism:

    www.deism.com

    Ravyn

  • razorMind
    razorMind
    We are still here for you whenever you need us

    Well this what is known as a double message. On one hand they're telling you, literally, they can't ever talk to you again, and then on the other they are "here for you". I'm sorry, but that's crazy.

    Totally, totally agree with this. My parents try the same tack, but with their actions.

    I rarely get a phone call, even though they live less than an hour away; I never EVER get a visit even though their convention is right in the same city......like Gopher, I never told them about my marriage and they were the ABSOLUTE LAST to hear about my pregnancy.

    But on the rare occasion that I do visit them, there's always a comment about "don't stay away so long next time" or "your mother gets really hurt when you don't call or write or visit." What kills me is that my dad actually had the nerve to ask my disfellowshipped sister "why she never came around much anymore."

    What I find myself doing is gradually distancing myself, a little at a time. It's hard but sometimes it just has to be done. Don't reach out to accept the extremely conditional "love" they're offering. I agree with Big Tex. Yes indeed--we here know EXACTLY where you're coming from.

    {{{hugs}}}}} and {{{good luck to you}}}

  • bebu
    bebu

    Aside to razor,

    D'ya think that they are subconciously trying to make a kind of compromise of sorts? That is, they won't contact you, but won't push you away if you contact them? Perhaps they feel that they fulfill their shunning duty as long as they don't take initiative? But then, the odd comment about your sister... !

    bebu

  • Victorian sky
    Victorian sky

    Melissa, I am so sorry about your sister, that's just heartbreaking. What an orgainzation - they are blood guilty and they are nothing without love. So much excellent advice was given to you, I have nothing further to add except show your parents what real love is and I wish you all the best. - V Sky

  • razorMind
    razorMind

    Bebu,

    I have been wondering the same thing for a long time. I honestly don't know what to make of them.

    Maybe they're becoming sad, bored, and lonely--realizing that time is steadily marching past.....

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