Do you miss that initial "high" ??

by stuckinarut2 33 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

  Me contemplating Googling the Watchtower:
  

  

  Me after watching a John Cedar's video:

  

  It was then that the eightball of validation, reassurance and sanity I craved so desperately coursed through my veins. The adrenaline and surge of blood pumping through my heart felt like hot lava.

  When I was waking up, I thought I was losing my mind. The world didn't make sense. The walls were closing in...

  And then I took the plunge and researched online. Yeah, it did cause the floors to tilt briefly, but thanks to places like this forum and the friends I've made along the way, the landing has been a soft one. I'll never look back. #besthighever
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  dogisgod

  It was not a high. It was a shock. It made me question what else do I believe that is totally wrong.
  
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  stuckinarut2

  Phizzy: I do miss the excitement of the quest to find out all I could about the JW Cult, and related matters, that quest is complete,but I think it is good for us to remember exactly how we felt,so that we can empathise with, and help, Newbies to find their feet.

  Great comments Phizzy! Totally agree with you!
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  flipper

  STUCK- I didn't exactly feel a high initially, however with time the " high " that I felt turned into happiness & joy when I figured out I wasn't being controlled anymore by the WT Society or the JW religion. I enjoyed and continue to enjoy my freedom of mind in making my own decisions and running my own life - instead of WT Society running my life. That continues to be a good high or liberating feeling ! Not getting up in the morning on weekends is great ! Not having to pound on strangers doors needlessly, or not having to attend mind numbing meetings which cause blisters on the brain.

  I still feel anger & resentment sometimes , but the everyday joy I feel these last 15 years being away from the mind control of the WT Society is a constantly great feeling for me anyway ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  OnTheWayOut

  Many say there was no "high" because they were angry instead.
  But stop and try to answer this question- Did you feel a huge sense of "justification" for any anger or doubts or actions?
  
  Could a sense of justification be like what others call a "high" ?
  
  Just a thought.
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  flipper

  OTWO- Oh yeah, I totally agree with what you're saying ! I felt a HUGE sense of justification, it was actually a confirmation of my doubts about the WT Society I had for years before. And that justification in knowing I was right about the wrongs and injustices gradually for me led to the everyday high I feel of being freed from superstitious WT beliefs that just hindered me for years from pursuing other interests that were better for my life, improved standard of living through employment, playing music, better relationships with true friends and romantic partners. Everything improved for me in time. Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  Wakanda

  Cortisol. Truck loads of cortisol. Still pumping as an effing PIMO with the love of my life being PIMI. Can't ask him hard questions for a month (there's a situation), then I need to ramp it up for my own hormonal safety.

  It was a Ton of Bricks.

  I remember forgetting to lock my car, not being aware of my surroundings, crying myself to sleep. It was when Margaret Sanger got to talking about how cults keep you busy in the following video that I broke down and cried myself to sleep when hubby was away.

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bRBFhMEQFk

  In fact, I think making a movie composite of people waking up, going from one person to the next as they covertly look online and their reactions would make an interesting film. Probably a short, or it would be a small segment of a movie. Just one person is too boring.
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  nonjwspouse

  High emotions, but differing emotions for each person. It definitely sounds like high emotions though. A huge difference, and alive feeling whether it was a up feeling, or down or completely mixed up in a whirlwind. It was one of being highly aware. From many stories it was a slower work up, then it hit all the sudden. At least, that is what it sounds like to me, and it is partly what I experienced myself when finding out TTATT due to my husbands emotional and damaging re-involvement with the JW. I couldn't get my hands on enough information. I was inhaling the information every moment possible, analyzing it, putting the pieces together. (Which, by the way, I am still trying to do. Put the pieces together. Being a never-has-been JW)
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  Xanthippe

  But stop and try to answer this question- Did you feel a huge sense of "justification" for any anger or doubts or actions?

  Yes OTWO I did feel vindicated that my doubts, particularly the times when people treated me as if I was crazy when I was actually making a lot of sense because I thought about the teachings and questioned what I was taught instead of being indoctrinated by the cult. It has taught me to trust myself, eight million people can be wrong!
  
  
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  LongHairGal

  STUCKINARUT2:

  I never really had a “high” when learning TTATT and as someone else said it was more like a validation and feeling a ton of bricks was lifted ...

  What I’m left with now is a withering contempt for the whole thing. I know I’ll never get the chance to tell a few people off who have passed away. If I had listened to these people I’d be so screwed it would not be funny.

  Wonder what they’d think about the JW religion now? I’m just so grateful I had the strength of character back when I was younger to ignore their bad advice. I hung onto my job until the end!