Stuckinarut2. I understand what you mean. I was excited to learn more as I love to develop. First I was in Orthodox church when they could not explain trinity I left. After I was a New Born Christian when they could not explain their "angel language" I left. When I became a JW it seemed that they were able to answer, but the longer I was the more I read and developed and the more my questions were becoming difficult. My moto is - if it is not proven or disapproven I can believe in it. But after elders and circuit overseer and the bethel could not give me an answer, but forced to believe in their theories my excitement went away. I am happy though, life is an experience and thanks to all these churches that I have been to I understand what systems they use to manipulate people. I still learn and continue to develop. At the moment I research the connection between British culture and Freemasonry. There is a good book "Builders of the Empire" very fascinating. Basically I try to have this "high" feeling by experiencing, exploring and enjoying new phisical and mental things in life 😆
Do you miss that initial "high" ??
I remember starting to read CoC and staying up until 2am because I had to finish it and then I couldn't sleep all night. It was such a shock I felt like my mind was slipping. At some point in our exit my husband came home and I said to him, so it was just another religion then? He nodded and looked very sad. I think so, he said. It was shattering to be honest. We pioneered our entire adult lives. Where now?
Anyway the highs came later, the birth of our daughter, buying a little house, our graduations, travelling to beautiful parts of the world.
Yes, I remember the "high" , in a short period of time, so many things suddenly made sense. Before, I tried to wrap my mind around many teachings, (blood, 1914, generation, birthday etc) and felt constantly guilty of not being a good enough Christian, not doing enough etc.
That burden was lifted, this was exciting for sure.
The downside of course, having all family and friends still in.....
As others have already commented on I would hardly call it a " High" either .More like a "Low" having the rug pulled out from under your feet and just beginning to realize that all you believed and would stake your life on was not what it was cracked up to be .
I didn`t want to believe that it was just another man made religion , one that originated in America ? Could I have been that gullible ?
It was devastating at first , I had trouble taking in and believing all that I was learning from the first sites I came across such as Shaun`s site ,Free Minds ,and eventually this one .
Only when I stopped being a "Captive Of A Concept " (Don Cameron) can I say I am on a" high" and have been for may years now.
I thank you to all those unknown friends that have helped me to where I am now in a good place in my life .
stucky - Yes, it was CONFRONTING, SHOCKING and LIFE ALTERING. Yes it was hard to deal with.
I was all over the place in my head. It was bloomin' frighteneing. I felt a bit like that geezer in Shawshank that was let out of prison and couldn't take the culture shock.
But, along with that, many have said that they experienced a sense of thrill, euphoria, or joy when realising the facts about the religion that held us captive mentally and physically for so long.
I'm not sure I'd go that far. I felt a burden lifted but another one dropped onto me.
It was LIBERATING to learn some of the controversial teachings etc. It was amazing to let go of the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) that held us in bondage.
I still believed in myths, demons, christian nonsense and god at the time so I felt obligated to warn others about the fraud of satan's watchtower. this was a bit like the Jobots feeling the need to preach their sour crap to others,,,,or else. Bloody religions!!
Now when we say things like "oh the UN stuff" or "the pyramid teaching" or the "sexism and slavery of the bible", many of us just say it mildly.
Yes. It's almost boring now that I've been out so long. The longer I'm out the more risible religious beliefs seem. I actually wonder how I could ever believe such assertions without evidence. I was brainwashed from when I was a child to accept non-provable horse shekka.
I've moved on. Not fully but a fair distance.
But remember when we couldn't get our heads around it? Remember when we felt gut-punched? Remember when we felt the JOY of saying to ourselves "this organisation holds NO authority over me!" ??
That all faded with time. I now see the Jobots and Jobot family and think, 'you poor deluded feckers, begorrah.'
Ever wish you could ride that journey again?
My ever increasing indifference is of more comfort. However, I still have some red buttons. I'm convinced that if a member of the GB was within arm's reach I'd end up in prison for a long time.
I did experience a period of excitement at what I was learning, and learning always makes me feel good.
Very soon I settled in to a lasting set of feelings. I enjoyed Happiness in a real sense for the first time in my life, the cult had always denied me that. I also became comfortable with who I was, and far more confident as a person. Sure my opinions were 100% evidence based, and rational.
I do miss the excitement of the quest to find out all I could about the JW Cult, and related matters, that quest is complete,but I think it is good for us to remember exactly how we felt,so that we can empathise with, and help, Newbies to find their feet.
I wouldn’t describe it as a high. I do remember reading Apocalypse Delayed, CofC and anything else if could get my hands on late into the night. In fact for days on end with little interruption. But also Bible topics and research too.
Mind you, I still read quite a lot.
It was breathtaking for me. Shocking. I was angry. Don't miss this period in time for me. Generation change, Insight book, Daniel and Isiah books did it all. Then Ray Franz CoC. Hourglass forum, the Internet of 1997. Later this forum.
Every inch of my dna was shocked.
It took some years of my life I supose.
But not a time to be missed. Better man since then.
@stuckinarut - You did nothing wrong in describing it as a high. Everyone experiences things differently. For some they were blindsided and pained and this thread isn't for them and their experiences so you have nothing to apologize for. There are plenty of threads about the misery of awakening. Certainly anyone is free to comment but you shouldn't be shamed for speaking to your experience.
For others, like me, we were searching for truth and excited to find it. I was miserable and depressed as a JW, full of anxiety. Learning TTATT was so freeing as to produce a high. I wasn't happy as a JW, whereas some were, so our experiences will vary.
Finally seeing what's true after being lied to for my whole life was so amazing. True, I had hurt and rage inside at points later, but initially it was almost euphoric as it set me free from bondage to the cult and their destructive beliefs.
You don't have to acknowledge the experiences of every single person to express your own and seek those that feel similarly. A person can also experience different sensation and conflicting emotions simultaneously.
Thanks Dubstepped! I appreciate your comments.
I just don't want to offend anyone.
But yes, you are spot on!