Do you miss that initial "high" ??

by stuckinarut2 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • stuckinarut2

    Do you remember the first time you found out "the truth about the Truth"?

    Yes, it was CONFRONTING, SHOCKING and LIFE ALTERING. Yes it was hard to deal with.

    But, along with that, many have said that they experienced a sense of thrill, euphoria, or joy when realising the facts about the religion that held us captive mentally and physically for so long.

    It was LIBERATING to learn some of the controversial teachings etc. It was amazing to let go of the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) that held us in bondage.

    Now when we say things like "oh the UN stuff" or "the pyramid teaching" or the "sexism and slavery of the bible", many of us just say it mildly.

    But remember when we couldn't get our heads around it? Remember when we felt gut-punched? Remember when we felt the JOY of saying to ourselves "this organisation holds NO authority over me!" ??

    Ever wish you could ride that journey again?

  • OnTheWayOut

    Oh man, I was so depressed about so much stuff. It was this giant boulder being lifted out of my vision allowing me to see that there was hope and more reasons to not be so depressed.

    I remember some time later, meeting someone (AWAKENED AT GILEAD) who just discovered "the truth about the truth" for himself and he was even more excited about it than I ever was. He showed me some blatant examples of Watchtower misquotes and he was thrilled. So I was reminded then how exciting it first was.

  • Scully

    I don't remember it being much of a "high".

    I was angry about being lied to for almost my whole life, angry at my parents for getting involved, and scared that I would lose my husband and kids if we didn't leave as a family.

    I was angry that I refused a blood transfusion after a postpartum haemorrhage when my firstborn came along, and spent months trying to recover from that.

    I was angry that I was bullied out of my first run at education after high school.

    I was angry at all the normal stuff I missed out on growing up, and being a socially awkward person as a result of being fearful of Worldly™ people.

    As time went on, though, I channelled that anger into making up for lost time. Going back to school and graduating with honours. Getting my dream job. Being financially comfortable for the first time ever. Not worrying about whether I was doing enough, because I stopped giving my power to people who didn't deserve it.

    Then, I discovered this place. Finding people just like me who had figured out the WTS and its lies, its game, its bullshittery and who had found ways to deal with the lost years and lost friendships.

    Surprise, surprise, I was able to help some people along the way too.

  • mentalclarity

    I didn't experience a "high" but it was very validating. After years of thinking I was the crazy one because I just didn't get it and thinking I must lack faith or not have studied hard enough or a hundred excuses why I was unhappy with the "truth" when everyone was so joyful about paradise... It was kind of like ohhhhhhh I was right all along and I should have trusted my instincts. But imagine being the lone dissenter among your family and friends. Every single person close to you believes whole heartedly and you're left scratching your head. It makes you seriously self-doubt.

    Honesty with just a couple of things that I found out weren't true...that was enough. No more digging was needed. I didn't need to delve into old Watchtowers or books just to see how wrong it was. That was just overkill for me at that point.

  • dubstepped

    Yep, I miss the high. The feelings were complicated, and not all good, but that feeling of things being new and exciting and the relief that so much that I held myself to was crap felt so freeing. Learning this thing and that which removed yet more scales from my eyes was liberating in a way that I don't think I can get again.

  • steve2

    It was never a high to me or a lot of people I know - so I’m surprised at the title of this thread. It took me a long time to even check up on the Time article that reported on Ray Franz’s leaving Bethel.

    Frankly, I would have given anything to be in “the truth” and belong to the only true religion.

    Learning TTATT was a painful, confusing experience for me.

    But I don’t see how it could have been otherwise. Growing up is almost always about being shaped by the painful realisation that fairy stories are false and that one’s family’s over-valued beliefs cannot withstand scrutiny. For me, the question was, “Do I want to grow up and take responsibility for my life or live and die in fear?” ( to paraphrase the words of a famous Buddhist nun whose name currently eludes me).

  • LostGeneration

    I wouldn't call it a 'high' either. I would call it utter shock. It was amazing the further and further I went down the rabbit hole there were just more things that popped up. The intellectual dishonesty and misquoting of sources was more shocking than anything.

    Now it doesn't even surprise me when new stuff comes out, just the same old same old from a crazy cult!

  • scratchme1010
    Do you remember the first time you found out "the truth about the Truth"?

    No, as that's not how it went with me. I never liked being a JW. That organization was shoved down my throat since the say I was born. There was a time when I was 17, when I decided to take the Jehovah crap seriously and give it a try, only to find myself in a severe depression. Plus I hated every other JW around me, and the feeling seemed mutual, judging by their actions. So I didn't have any realization. It was survival.

    Ever wish you could ride that journey again?

    Fuck no!

  • Unstuck

    Like others above have commented, I was incandescently outraged and furious at the lies when I first woke up. That took a long time to settle down and I can still whip it up if I focus on it, the lost opportunities and potential, the damage to my view of myself and others, the decisions that I would make so differently now.....


    There was this really odd feeling of jubilation and liberation of first learning that you no longer have to chain yourself to an organisation and adhere to what it tells you to do - that you can decide for yourself! And for the first time you analyse what you really think, without guilt or fear or obligation (got them a different way around but you know what I mean) and I think I will always be constantly reevaluating what my beliefs are, testing for inconsistencies and contradictions. That buzz, or high, I think I will always experience - just being free to be me, it's a wonderful thing!

    Love & light to you all,


  • stuckinarut2

    Wonderful replies!

    Thank you all.

    I guess my thread title may seem insensitive to the fact that many of us didn't experience a "high" in a good way. I apologise for that.

    I was trying to convey the idea of that initial wave of emotions and feelings that came with realising that we were not crazy. Realising the release from guilt and obligation to the cult.

    But yes, I acknowledge that it wasn't always a happy or pleasant thing. Maybe I used the word "high" wrongly.

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