It was exciting and terrifying researching the WT but for me that "high" hasn't left off it's just turned into a high for researching and learning in general. There is soooo much to explore and learn I get so excited when I discover a new topic or sideroad to go down.
Do you miss that initial "high" ??
For me the "high" was researching facts and finding this place, and knowing I WAS NOT THE CRAZY ONE who saw the organisation for what it was!
Once I learned that I was not alone in knowing that it simply wasn't "the truth", the euphoria I felt was so liberating.
There was no high for me it was just the Bull shit I was raised in. The high came when I found the internet and others like Randy Waters and crisis of conscience that told me what my gut had been saying years before.
I remember when I broke one of my molar teeth last year. I had an intense pain when I bit on food but was reluctant to go to a dentist. After weeks of intense pain, I finally agreed to go to a dental surgeon. In my visit, I was put under sedation, both with injections and gas. Even so, I could feel the surgeon break my tooth. I remember the sound (a muted thud) of him disengaging remnants of my tooth from my jaw bone.
Was it thrilling, actually yes! I am not accustomed to drugs, and I was especially thrilled with the feeling of the gas. I was amazed that someone was pulling my tooth one fragment at a time and the only thing I felt was the thud of the nerve separating from my jaw.
While thrilling and memorable, I never want to repeat this experience. I feel the same related to disengaging from this fucking religion. It is not an experience I want to repeat.