You have not mentioned kids, so if there are none, well, you tried to work on it. I hear your frustration, and also a certain amount of naivete. Yes, you were rushed into a bad choice at 19. You made choices that had dire consequences.
What happened then? It's called 'arrested development'. You need some time on your own, to discover who you are. To learn how to use logic and reason, instead of ruling with your emotions. Take a deep breath, put the single brother on hold (SERIOUSLY? don't even go there - from the frying pan directly into the fire - smh, you have a lot to learn).
Do some reading here, elsewhere, listen to music, read a book, clear your head. Then, begin to think through the rest of your life.