Any former elders brains I could pick?

by BarelyThere 56 Replies latest jw friends

  • Johny Franco
    Johny Franco
    I agree with lee the elder, I also would like to add it depends on the culture, English speaking congregations tend to be more liberal while other ethnic congregations are more conservative which translates to longer times. I have never seen a case where its 6 months maybe that was back in the old school days but this has changed in most congs, if you read the elders book it says "The committee should be careful to allow sufficient time, perhaps many months, a year, or even longer, for the disfellowshipped person to prove that his profession of repentance is genuine" Like others have said it also depends on the outcome after the affair, did you two get married? was it a one time thing? usually with D'fing you don't disfellowship because of the offense but rather the unrepentant attitude, which is gauged by how many times the offense got committed (althought I've seen someone commit fornication about 10 times, he confessed and got off the hook by saying he was repentant) , if you confessed or you got caught or if you wouldn't heed the counsel provided. A good rule of thumb is usually a year, which means at least 4-5 months of that year being regular at meetings...which makes me think if someone is going to fade after being reinstated, why would anyone go through that trauma for that much time? you can also minimize the trauma by moving congregations, although the elders in the new congregation will get a letter from your old congregation and if you are in close proximity you might have face your old body of elders to get reinstated but an announcement will be made in your old congregation also.
  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath
    BT--so does your guy want to get re-instated too ?
  • stirred but not shaken
    stirred but not shaken

    If they didn't view you as repentant at the hearing, it's likely because you planned your exit from your present marriage. It doesn't matter if the marriage was a mistake, so you're going to have to show another course of repentance. I assume the marriage is over and neither of you want or can make a go of it again. This means you'll have to remain celibate and not even entertain having another mate. It will be at least a year, and you'll have to show your repentance by attending all meetings.

    It's a game. If you want out after reinstatement, then view it as a game, but play by their rules for now.

  • Hadriel


    I concur with @stired I PM'd you as much. Unfortunately this is how they'll see it. If you marry particularly to this other brother, it will likely extend the length of time.

  • Ignoranceisbliss
    Nine months if u quit seeing the other guy. If u keep dating him u will never be reinstated. If the two of u get married then prob 2 years.
  • The Governor
    The Governor

    Some ways to help you get reinstated.

    1: Sit in the back and alone. This will show that you "know your place" in the hall and shows that enjoying the meeting with others isn't on your list of things to do!

    2: Attend EVERY meeting. No exceptions. Attendance is taken and your name should be on it every time!

    3: Do the Watchtower studies and mid-week meeting studies. Make your tablet/paper colourful!

    4: Sit on the edge of the isles. This makes it easy for Elders walking up and down the isles to see you are involved by peaking at your Watchtower underlined or highlighted.

    5: Make a donation in the donation box. Do it by check ALWAYS. That way the Elders can see and know how much and how often you donate. Money is a key thing here. Never make donating money anonymous.

    6: Report those who try and associate with you. You are supposed to be shunned. This helps the Elders know that you do understand the disgellowshipping arrangement.

    7: Show up for the field service meeting. Don't talk to anyone or at all. Explain to the Elders that you are showing your support for those in the ministry.

    8: Enter after social time is done during the meetings and leave right when the meeting is done. This shows you don't want others to feel akward.

    9: Always dress for the meeting. Never slack on this. Any wrong outfit (to short, to colourful, to tight ect) may be seen as trying yo rebel against Jehovah.

    10: Remember its Elders you have to please. When it comes down to it, dont be afraid to lie and act. Tears are not a bad thing!

    Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

  • Socrateswannabe
    I hope you didn't confess your game plan to the judicial committee. Committees almost always prefer to hear that someone was overcome with passion in the moment and succumbed to it. They don't like hearing that it was a plan to break the marriage through adultery. If you were able to keep that from them, you might have a better chance at getting reinstated sooner than later.
  • berrygerry

    7: Show up for the field service meeting. Don't talk to anyone or at all. Explain to the Elders that you are showing your support for those in the ministry.

    I would ask the Elders before doing this. Never heard of it. Bad idea, IMO.

    You cannot get caught even TALKING to your new beau.

    Also, what is view of the Borg now - has he been learning TTATT?

  • Hecce
    I agree with berrygerry on the last item. The field service meeting is not a public meeting and I don't think that she will be allowed to sit there.
  • Ignoranceisbliss
    The Govs list is great except for 6&7. Six is an ASSHOLE move and seven is presumptuous. I would add that whenever meeting with the elders start crying and say "I can't believe I brought so much reproach on Jehovahs name".

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