Any former elders brains I could pick?
So putting that together, it doesn’t look so good. For every 100 people who have an affair, anywhere from 1-10 of them will marry their Affair Partner. Of those, statistics say that 75% will divorce within 5 years. So that means, MAYBE 1-3 out of 100 live “happily ever after” with their affair partner after leaving their spouse.
Sobering thoughts indeed.
65% of statistics are made up though.
I don't think pointing out statistics will help @BarelyThere at this point.
Don't know her situation. Without the threat of sanctions had she been able to part ways with her husband does any of this happen?
People feel trapped. Marriage is hard. I don't condone splitting a whim but there are times when ppl are seriously distraught. You don't know someone until you live with them.
Stats simply aren't going to help her. Not in my opinion at least.
Get married first then come back I would think it would easier long term.
BarelyThere, you want to marry the guy that you were disfellowshipped for having sex with.
Presumably you and this fellow are now living a "chaste" and "approved" life, which means no sex for either of you and no "mutual sensual gratification."
Was he disfellowshipped for having sex with you, or for a different reason?
What if the two of you went to the elders and said you want to marry and you need to know how to get this done.
Scripturally they CANNOT forbid you to marry, but they can determine whether you are allowed to be married in the Kingdom Hall and they will determine how long you will have to wait for reinstatement.
...and your fiancee is OK with his plan to fade, right? RIGHT?
If he's not, you'll be going from the frying pan into the fire.
You sound pretty immature. The single guy must really be gullible. My experience is if someone will cheat on one then they will cheat on another. You made the bed now you don't really want to lay in it. Not how it works. Discipline makes you rethink your mistakes, whether its from a church or those who love you.
Deal with it and don't remarry so fast. Jumping from one set of problems to another is no way to live either. So slow down, mediate and write down your life's goals and ambitions. Then move towards those goals at a reasonable pace. If you still want to marry the guy then do so with your mind not just your heart. Only fools rush in.
PS:Your ex moved away because you caused him pain, sorrow and hurt his reputation as a man. And all your concerned about here is yourself. Pretty sad really.
If you lived in O.T. Bible times you would have been stoned to death , think about that.
To have an affair to get out of a marriage you went into with your eyes open , and then want to be re-instated to a religion you don`t believe in , just to have social normalcy with family and friends , and then plan to fade ,so you can keep those relationships alive , while at the same time marrying the person who was complicit in your plan to commit adultery , I`m aghast , you are one conniving , manipulative woman who is self indulgent .
As much as I hate the WTB&TS , I hope they throw the book at you for what you have done to your ex and what you plan to do .
If you want to know what I really think PM me.
I realize you are new here ,you may be young ,you may be naive ,regardless of what I have said stick around ,
you are bound to learn much from other people on this board
I disagree with the people who say you'll never get reinstated if you marry the other guy.
you also just admitted that you've never been to or posted on a website like this "ever." My advice? Here goes:
you have this other guy. Being in love with someone--a healthy, true love--will get you through this tough time in your life. You have each other and you share the same predicament. I know of 3 couples who got married while DF'ed and got reinstated within the year. It happens.
because you've only just begun reading "apostate" information, honey... let me explain something to you and read very carefully: prepare for your mind to be blown. You're going to discover so many things about this organization that you never knew--things they would never admit to--things they tell active JWs are "lies," but they're not lies! They're true. All of it, documented an archived online forever just waiting for curious doubters to look behind the curtain. You keep focusing on researching this cult and if you love this guy, do it now while you're both out and do it TOGETHER. Otherwise, you may miss your shot at him.
Once you you realize the corruption, deceit and evil behind JW leadership, you may not WANT to return.
and consider this: right now, you're already where many of US on this forum want to be, but we're trapped. For you, the hard part is over! You're out and you're free from their man made rules. So, if you're currently out & free, seriously, date whoever the hell you WANT to--their rules do not govern you anymore. It would be tragic to turn down the chance of having a perfect, loving soulmate simply due to social pressures from friends, family and a diabolical cult that ruins lives and feeds off of people's misery.
i hope the best for you and your DF'ed BF. Study study study about JW history, JW scandal, JW cover-ups and JW deceptions. Begin with jwfacts dot com and watch as many ex JW YouTube vids as you can. I recommend John Cedars.
you may want to educate yourself on science, critical thinking, application of reason, skepticism and atheism. Start there. Read stuff about evolution (whether you believe it or not) and try to prove it wrong. You'll learn very early that you had NO. IDEA. about what evolution actually is because the JW literature presents a strawman.
oh--and look in to "logical fallacies." Google that term, print off the list and grab any JW publication you can get your hands on and play a logical fallacy search game.
One final tip: read ex-member stories from OTHER religions. Reddit has sub forums for ex-mormons, ex-7th day, ex scientologists... watch TV shows & documentaries about people who've left a different religion and it's amazing, the similarities. All cults use the same tactics. Those people suffer the same thoughts and fears exjws do ("OMG what have I done? I'm gonna die at Armeggedon!" "Oh sure, the mormons are effed up, that's crazy, but... JWs have the truth! Right???"). On those forums, you'll see posts of letters, emails and text messages from friends, family & ranking people from their cult with the exact same guilt-tripping and manipulative tactics. ALL cults do this, young lady. Your are a victim of cult abuse and you need to hear that! Know it. Investigate it. A 19th Century New England PRINTING COMPANY is not god!!!!
please stay in touch with us and ENJOY your recent freedom. I mean it! Enjoy it.
Ultimately you had an affair because you were in an unhappy marriage that you attempted to repair but were unsuccessful. You were married to a witness and it didn't work. Why marry another witness thinking it will work? Does this possible new husband believe it is the Truth any longer? If he does you are headed for trouble. So long as you are dating or seeing this person the elders will view you as unrepentant. It will be as if the fornication is continuing and you will not be reinstated. Just get reinstated and fade, build a life outside the Borg and live it single for awhile. You have never done that if you got married at 19. Just take some time off to enjoy being you without any obligations to organizations or any man.
An offending party is not always DF for the sin of adultery. Depends on the party. When DF then how long? 6 months or more. How soon? Depends on the stench, it has to die out to the extent of the cong.. About a year. Could be less or could be more but never less than 6 months and although not a written rule it is an observable constant. IF YOU QUALIFY FOR REINSTATEMENT is the qualifying factor. IF you do not, you are never going to be reinstated.