by StinkyPantz 57 Replies latest jw friends

  • Simon
    sacrifices their time and money and sometimes sanity for you

    ... erm, no. Some friends may but it isn't necessary to do this to be a friend. It may be that you are not being a real friend to them if this is what you expect them to do for you. They would be more of a 'victim'.

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk

    someone who stands by you through thick and thin, so no you don't have to meet them.

  • StinkyPantz

    Simon- First thing. My list was not meant to be absolute. Not even meant to be nitpicked. I don't expect everyone to agree with MY critieria for friendship. If you have never had a friend sacrifice his/her time for you, then I honestly feel for you. If you feel like sacrificing your time for a friend makes either of you a victim. . well that's your opinion. I personally have no problem getting up at 3 am to pick up my friend who's car has run out of gas on the outskirts of town with 2 dollars in her pocket. Not only would I sacrifice my time picking her up, I'd sacrifice my money by getting her gas and my sanity by listening to her 2 year old scream in the backseat. Was she a victim for "expecting" her friend to come get her? I think not. I think she knew I was a true friend to her and I wouldn't think twice about sacrificing my time, money, or "sanity" for her. More examples: *A friend calls you up very upset because he is having problems with his wife, you are supposed to be doing something else fairly pressing; but instead of hanging up, you sacrifice YOUR time to talk to him, reassure him, and comfort him. Why? Because you are his friend. Is he a victim for expecting this? *Your friend's car broke down and he can't get it fixed until he gets paid on Friday. You have the money and you loan it to him because you trust him. Is he a victim for accepting it? *Your friend has constant issues with women cheating on him. You try to help, you offer advice, but he keeps making the same mistakes!! He's driving you crazy!! Nevertheless, you listen and try to help. Why? Because he's your friend, and although he makes you crazy with his woman problems, you care and want to help. Teejay- I think that on some level you have common interests w/each person that you call a friend. Otherwise, what do you talk about, or do together? Do you discuss women, sports, politics? Even if you disagree, these subjects interest you both. I could take each of my friends and tell you how differently I am from them as you did, anybody could, but that doesn't mean there aren't any common interests.

    You also mentioned missing someone as a sign of friendship. Yes, occasionally I think of them, but miss them? Not really.

    Well, honestly that is a difference between us. Of course, I have lots of acquaintances but very few people that I consider a friend because I am picky. If a memory of me, or concern for me is only a fleeting thought in someone's mind every 6 months. . well. . that's not enough in my eyes. A friend to ME, misses me if a long periosd of time has passed and vice versa, even if that only means a phone call to see how I am. If a chance meeting every two years is the only way I see someone, then they are an acquaintence: knowledge of a person acquired by a relationship less intimate than friendship. Less intimate than friendship. Not devoid of value. . .just less intimate.

    I can go for months without talking to or seeing them, then all of a sudden we either meet by accident or plan something and our friendship hasn't missed a beat. It's like we had seen each other yesterday.

    I have many acquaintences that I am like this with. A true friend to ME though, at least attempts to stay in my life regularly. But that's just me.

    The other day I heard what I thought was a pretty cool definition of "friend". That if someone called you in the middle of the night needing your help and you went, then to you they were a friend. I can truthfully say that if certain people from this board were in such a situation and called me, I'd have no problem whatsoever going out to help them (you).

    Ditto. This is an example of how one would sacrifice their time if necessary.

    I guess it could be said that I have more friends than I realize.

    I think I have less. . . But that's okay. The people that I call friends know how very special they are to me. Syrup-

  • Simon

    SP: You are changing it now to what you, as a friend, would do for someone else. Yes, most of us would do a lot for our friends.

    The point is though it is wrong to expect and demand that our friends give us money etc...

  • StinkyPantz


    You totally missed the point . Out of everything I wrote all you can say is:

    The point is though it is wrong to expect and demand that our friends give us money

    I NEVER once said or implied that a friend would "demand" money from you. . . I said that a friend would be willing to if it was within their means. Of course a friend doesn't take advantage deliberately. Nevertheless, since you want to focus on the financial aspect of my list, I know that if I am in a tight spot, I can rely on my friends to bail me out. Would I demand it? Of course not!! Geez. . .And if I trusted them and knew they'd pay me back, I'd do the same. If someone demanded money, I wouldn't do it, who would?

    You are changing it now to what you, as a friend, would do for someone else

    Hun, I expect my friends to treat me how I want to be treated, don't you?


    Nitpicking or contributing??

    Nitpicking: To be concerned with or find fault with insignificant details

    Contributing: To give something; add to

  • StinkyPantz

    One thing. Although I did list what I look for in a friend, I'd hoped for answers to these questions:

    What do you consider the defining characteristics of a friend? As a side note, can a person be your friend if you have never met in person (like on this forum)?

    I appreciate critiques of my list, but I want to know about how YOU look at your friends, what qualities they share.

  • Prisca

    Sheesh you two, get a room

    Getting back onto the topic......

    Apart from the qualities that Stinky mentioned, I consider someone a friend if they accept and love me for me, just as I'm prepared to accept and love them for them. It doesn't mean I'd condone anything that was seriously amiss (habitual liar, backstabber etc) but I would want them to be themselves, and I'd be comfortable being myself when I'm around them.

    Yes, friends help each other out when one of them is need, even if it's not going to mean being repaid. They know that if the shoe was on the other foot, that a helping hand would be there for them too.

  • StinkyPantz


    Sheesh you two, get a room

    Don't be jealous. . .

  • Simon

    erm, you were the one that included money in your original list !

    For me a friend is someone who:


    -sacrifices their time and money and sometimes sanity for you

    I don't think that is a necessary qualification for being a friend. I would not include it in my criteria for someone being a friend or not. I would do it for my friends though.

    As for whether it's possible to be friends with someone you have never met? Of course it is. We've made some great friends online and naturally hope to meet them someday but we are friends because it's based on communication and emotional involvement.

  • rocketman

    Making friends / for the world to see/ let the people know / you've got a watch on me

    With a friend at hand you can see the light / if your friends are there, then everything's allright

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