How do I handle this situation?

by BarelyThere 65 Replies latest jw friends

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  TheListener

  Let's see WWW, everyone ignores her like she's the walking dead, which in their mind she is and you think she doesn't get it? Oh I think she gets it. By reading her posts it's pretty obvious what the sh#! infected F#$!$ng cult has done and they did it to make sure she gets it.

  Barelythere, reinstatement is their game, you need to play it their way to get what you want. But, what will make it more bearable is knowing that you are running the long con and in the end you will use their F!#$!@#D up system to F@#!$ them. But, please please be aware that there are some families who also shun faders. I am not saying yours will, but some do.
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  TheListener

  Yes, she committed adultery!! We get it!! I'll judge her for it as soon as I don't make mistakes myself.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  What I would do is not get reinstated. I could never sit through all that.

  But answering your question, you really cannot use the information at all from FB. You really only have two choices: sit there for months and then request reinstatement or move to another hall now and start fresh there, sitting for months before requesting reinstatement.

  I would suggest the move, but if you have already invested months at this one hall, it's a tough call.

  Do not move to another hall after requesting reinstatement. Either move beforehand or not at all. It would look like you ran away from the brothers that refused you.

  Good luck.
• 

  Khaleesi

  Hi, I don't have much advice but only what I went thru. ...when I was df'ed my ex husband was getting information of my "spiritual" status from people he knew from the congregation I was going to while being DF, I moved out of the congregation we went together. ... so during this time my ex was being aggressive with me went I would pick up my son, he would take my car keys & demand to speak with me, he would know when I miss mtgs, get their late, etc, this created alot of violent behavior on his part, he wanted to know what I was doing, who I was hanging out with, etc, we were separated leading to divorce... he was spying on me at my home... his aggressive behavior was getting out of line, went to my elders in my congregation if they can help me to his elders to talk to him &tell him to back off from me & the only communication should be about our son.... Elders response: " we can't do anything or help you because your not part of the congregation because your DF"

  So don't expect any help from them honestly, especially if you are a woman who committed adultery, if you were a man you would get more mercy but not as a woman since in their "Men" minds they view it as " well those are the consequences of your actions"... do what The searcher said, move congregations you have a better chance being reinstated sooner from a different congregation that haven't "judge" you & don't know much abt you, they will push ur old congregation for reinstatement especially if you play your cards right & do the "right" things, as soon as you move to new cong, first meeting talk to an elder & say "brother, I'm a returning lost sheep, I'm dF & will be attending this congregation from now on" ... attend all mtgs, studying- highlight your watchtower & publications in all colors & raise it where elders can see, sit near the elders... then you can request reinstatement, quoting all scriptures you can find abt repentance & how God is the one to judge us because he sees the heart which men cant.... that is what i did & it worked for me, the old congregation didn't want to reinstate me it was 3 years, my elders push them to....

  Remember its not only playing the game, but also playing the man....
• 

  just fine

  Geez lay off the " she committed adultery" crap. We have all made mistakes leaving this wretched cult and we are all sinners. It doesn't make her a bad person, some of you are heaping on the judgement.

  No one regardless of what they have done deserve to be treated this way by people who claim to be God's spokesmen. The shunning gives them a feeling of power and judgement over another.
• 

  Hoffnung

  There is always the possibility that your ex knows you will eventually read this messages. In that case it is just a part in taking revenge. I would not use it or mention it as long as you are DF'd. it will turn against you.

  Unless you start slacking, eventually you will be reinstated. No matter in this or another Congo. For adultery, minimum one year, probably 1.5 or 2. If you were at all meetings during 2 years, and reinstated, you can take other actions. Writing the CO,... I would NEVER bring up these messages as long as you are DF'd. It will only be used against you. However after reinstatement, it could be useful to let the MS know you have some skeleton in a closet that can come out anytime, unless they leave you alone,... or something along those lines
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  cognac

  Um, I'm sure you know you're already in the wrong for having an affair while still married, and even you admit how you can see why your ex-husband has every right to be mad at you.

  She came on here for support, not for judgement...

  
  

  Sounds like you don’t get it.

  You’re the sinner here. Put your head down and do your time.

  What a piece of sh*t thing to say to someone. Go crawl back into your hole. You want to bully someone??? Then, bully me. I dare you... Don't be an a$$ h*ole to this woman looking for support...

  To the op, look, it seems like you were in a crappy marriage and wanted out. Who wants to stay miserable forever? I hope you can let go of what happened and move on.

  Ok, to comment on your question. If it were me, I'd switch halls, get reinstated, then print the emails, highlight the nasty things that were said, and have a mtg with them with copies for them and all the elders. Look them straight in their eyes and make them answer for it....
• 

  slimboyfat

  Hoffnung is correct. Other people are usually smarter than we give them credit for. If you were able to read the message there's a good chance he intended you to read it. Factor that into any decision.
• 

  respectful_observer

  To the op, look, it seems like you were in a crappy marriage and wanted out. Who wants to stay miserable forever? I hope you can let go of what happened and move on.
  Ok, to comment on your question. If it were me, I'd switch halls, get reinstated, then print the emails, highlight the nasty things that were said, and have a mtg with them with copies for them and all the elders. Look them straight in their eyes and make them answer for it....

  What cognac said.
  

  First, you never know what other exchanges he may have connected to your email account between now and then. This could end up being one of just many.

  Second, running to the elders now would only make them thing you're just being vengeful.

  Similar to cognac, one option is to wait until you're reinstated, and when you notify them you're moving congregations, explain why, let them try to convince you not too, and then hand over printed copies to the elders, telling them you've also cc:d the C.O. Just let them all deal with it and never mention it, or dwell on it, again.
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  Giordano

  Are any of us in a position to judge? Any of us free of major mistakes?
  

  Anyone who did not want their husband or wife to find out something? Broke a law that could have resulted in a serious fine like a DUI? Fudged on our tax returns? Any of the other 34 plus things the Society likes to beat up people with? I can see a bunch of hands going up.

  You were asked for help by a person who joined......who spelled it out clearly that her marriage had been falling apart and she made a mistake.... a big mistake by her own admission then........ owned up to it and got clobbered big time.
  

  I don't think she asked how to get her judicial overturned. I haven't seen her call her ex a single name. Instead she doesn't blame her husband for feeling the way he does. Why is she here? Simply put she wants to get back with her family and to accomplish that she will go through the reinstatement process. She wants help with that and knows it might not work. She now knows, thanks to that human waste of a MS, that no one in the congregation will even talk to her if she's reinstated in two or so years.

  Some have been generous with their information others just want to remind her that she's......... what? Getting what she deserved? Nobody deserves this Shunning WTBTS ordained bull shit. This is a criminal act by a criminal organization an organization that get's people killed or at the least breaks up families.

  A little compassion would be nice. You know it's actually nice to be nice.