Barely There - "...I'm trying to get reinstated so I can have my family back. That's it."
Question is, does your family want you back?
How do I handle this situation?
by BarelyThere 65 Replies latest jw friends
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Vidiot
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wheelwithinwheel
Sorry BT. I understood you wanted to be reinstated ASAP so I simply gave you the theocratic answer to your question. JW reality. Reality you will have to deal with during your time out and even after the congregation allows you back in. Some here feel my remarks were mean. If it appears that way I apologize. I gave you the congregation’s viewpoint. I hope you realize you will need to grow a thick skin.
A childhood friend of mine went through the same situation as you. The only difference was the elders had warned her before it all happened. After she was df’d she decided, like you, she needed to get back into the congregation. She asked me for suggestions. Here is what I told her.
Download the elder’s secret manual off the net. Read it carefully. You can’t play a game if you don’t know the rules.
Study up on repentance. It is the key to reinstatement. You need to know what it really means and how to show it.
Be patient. This is going to take some time.
#2 was difficult for my friend because she and her new husband didn’t really regret what they had done. They felt it was their only choice. However you need to know this: People are not disfellowshipped for their ‘sin’. You can do some serious stuff and get off with just a reprimand if you’re repentant. People are disfellowshipped because the elders feel they are not repentant. That’s the Watchtower’s rule. Even for an appeals committee the brothers are reminded beforehand that they must judge if the person was repentant at the time of the df’ing hearing. If the person wasn’t repentant, the df’ing stands.
In the coming months you will need to demonstrate ‘true repentance’. Familiarize yourself with exactly what it means and how best to demonstrate it. You need to convince the brothers that you deeply regret having damaged you relationship with Jehovah, the congregation, and your family. By your actions and words this must be reflected. Before you do, or don’t do, something ask yourself, “Will this give the impression I’m truly sorry for what I did? The question should help you decide what is appropriate and what is not. When you are finally granted a meeting with the elders, be prepared to explain to them what you’ve done to repair your relationship with Jehovah and the congregation and what you are going to do in the future to safeguard them.
Wishing you the best of luck.
I’ll finish with the end of my friends story. She got her "repentance" down pat and was reinstated after a little more than 1 year. However her new husband tried to convince the elders they had been harsh and complained about other situations in the congregation. His reinstatement meetings dragged on and on. Finally his wife helped him out with his “repentance”. They are now back in and changed congregations soon after his reinstatement.
Wheels
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cognac
I gave you the congregation’s viewpoint.
This is a relief. I about had heart failure. I take back my comment to you and apologize.
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Giordano
BT if it was me I'd pull and print any emails that make a distinct and nasty reference about you especially one that demonstrates the attitude of your ex and his MS buddy. It you can find others that came before and/or after make copies of them as well. Find some legal help and make sure that given the circumstances you own the Email and can use what was said in it. Understand you right of use considering the Email account is in your name.
In the mean time I'd switch Congregations........... meet a couple of Elders make sure you feel comfortable. Then do your repenting and bide your time.
Option #1. During the year if that MS does become an Elder....... before you make a reinstatement request in your new congregation send him an email and explain the circumstances of how and why you have the email (hence your visit with an Attorney) and how devastating his remarks were............ how deeply stumbled you were by them which was the reason you changed congregations.
However you will be asking to be reinstated and you hope your new Elders will find you truly repentant as you have matured as a Christian. You will forgive him his remarks and hopefully his fellow Elders will listen to his counsel.
Option #2. After you've been in your new hall and had an opportunity to figure out which Elder has the most influence or is the most caring and before your request for reinstatement show that one person the e-mail as the reason you were forced to leave that congregation. Just let him read it not keep it. If seeing how you were treated and talked about by the MS he may be very inclined to encourage his other Elders to approve reinstatement when the time comes and hopefully knowing what he knows and probably passed on to a few of his fellow Elders will argue the case with the Original Elders. One of which, if he understands what effect your having that email could mean to his MS or Elder career, should be favorably disposed behind the scenes to see you reinstated.
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LongHairGal
BARELY THERE:
I am following your story...If I read such unflattering hateful things about myself and knowing an elder or MS gave a tacit approval (by the tone of the conversation) and admitted he acts a certain "way" in the hall with regard to me, etc...well I don't think I would EVER forgive them.
If I were the dimmest light on the Christmas tree I might think I could use somebody else's email account and they'd never see the correspondence. But, I don't think this was the case. I think it was deliberate to provoke a reaction from you.
I feel badly for you that you want or need to be reinstated. I wish you the best, whatever you decide to do.
WING COMMANDER:
I just love your posts. You cracked me up with your witty advice!!
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Lostandfound
I think Wing Commanders comments make sense
Also a very red flag for everyone about use of social media and "open" passwords
Many times we could be horrified to be a fly on the wall hearing others talk about us.
Barely There make sure you look after your physical and mental strength