omg,I feel so bad for you. Id FLIP!
is it really worth letting all those people walk all over your emotions and person, for contact with your family? unless you have some reason why you need them in your life, of course we dont know your situation. but that's absolutely sickening behavior. and yes the cong never looks at someone who was DF the same way again. its like you have a scarlet letter permanently on you.
one of my elder uncles once showed my now out son, his 'routine', and paperwork, had a chat with him about how things work.
and when my son got home, he [my son] told me that all records of everything you do go to the new cong you go to. [my son never went to a meeting again]
so there is no way 'new' elders are going to be any more likely to reinstate you any faster, or if at all. they keep in communication with the others. it might help though not being around all those old PIA's lol.
i knew of a man who was DF for having an dirty home, [yes they can do that] for years he was df, and died never being reinstated. he never did anything unscriptural, nor did his wife who died while he was DF.
to be honest, and i know you dont want to rock the boat, but omg,
here is what Id do
Id print up every one of those emails.
Id call for a meeting with the elder body and my x
Id take someone trustworthy with me, like a close friend as a second witness.
Id lay those emails out on the table and have my friend read them.
then Id walk out, saying,
May Jehovah judge you with what judgment you gave me.