My Mothers Ultimate Rejection
A few things seem rather odd about this Will that make me think she may have wanted you to encounter it :
- Why would she leave her will lying on her desk for you or anyone to see? It seems to me a kind person would realize that it would be upsetting for a family member (you) to encounter such a document, prior to their loved ones death. I think she intentionally wanted to send a hurtful message to someone, while she is still alive and could be around for the drama it might cause.
- She said she was to be transported to the Crematorium and rather than simply giving instructions as to the disposal of her ashes, she said "After I've been burned ,I want my ashes....." It seems like she is playing up the grizzly part of this procedure, hoping to garner more pity for herself from the reader and play it up for the sake of drama.
- The repeated use of the term " My two daughters " rather than simply writing their two names down, seems as if she is deliberately trying to let you know she doesn't view you as a daughter anymore. More pity and drama.
- "My ashes are to be picked up by my husband . If he doesn't want to, my two girls can pick them up and dispose of them as they see fit". This seems as if she's saying "poor me... even when I've been creamated my own husband might not want to be bothered to dispose of my ashes. I suppose my 2 girls can do it and they can just do whatever they want with them...toss me in the trash for all I care. Again....more self pity and drama.
- "Only my family related to me in the faith, Jehovah's Witnesses. No Worldly Family". Again she is trying to be hurtful to a specific individual or individuals by using terms that would intentionally exclude you/them. Why not just mention by name, the family members she wants there rather than making sure it's known that she doesn't want them than specifically because they aren't JW's ? Answer: Because she is pitying herself and wants you the reader and any other non JW relative to suffer for having caused her so much distress.
If my suspicions are correct, she truly is someone to be pitied rather than to be hurt by or angry at.
How sad that any religion would make someone think like this.
If it helps, try to think of her as someone who has a mental illness. She has been blinded by a cult and manipulated into believing this is the right thing to do. It's not that she doesn't love you, it's that she is incapable of seeing past your rejection of her belief system and accepting your choice. This is unlikely to change.
You can love her and wish her well while keeping your distance and not putting yourself in a position to be rejected by her again. Do not offer to let her see her grandchildren, they shouldn't be around her anyway, she will be toxic to them in ways you probably don't see right now.
Focus on yourself right now and your own family. I highly recommend meditation for learning to cope with difficult emotions.
@Stephane - I respect your feelings on it too, like you said it is very personal and varies in our experiences. I'm glad to hear that you had such good experiences and see it that way. I wish I and many others could say the same.
Thank you all for your kind replies and support!
It was devastating to find that letter, my heart sank as I read it. Even though we have had no contact for almost two years - not even when my daughter ended up in the hospital, or when my last child was born premature, even when she completely ignored me at my grandfathers (her father) funeral - part of me always held out hope that things would change one day, that something would touch her heart and she would welcome us back into her life again. This letter was my final and definite answer. And in a way, it's given me some closure. I almost have to process it like a death. My mother has died.
Pete Zahut - those are some interesting observations. What also bothered me was the part that said she had already spoken to her husband and daughters wanted it all written down and witnessed "just in case". As if allowing her estranged daughter to see her one last time before she died, or to be present at her funeral would be the absolute worst thing in the world that could happen.
Pardon my language, but that is one fucked up will. Even the Watchtower doesn't tell people to bar disfellowshipped family members from funerals.
Your mom is a projection of the heartless corporation that indoctrinated her, but nonetheless a victim, just like you.
Never a JW - I know we often talk about witnesses being brainwashed and being victims as well. But I find it completely unforgivable that at some point normal human feelings don't kick in. Where is her basic human decency?
I sent one final email to my sisters:
There comes a point, where you cross the line from being righteous, god fearing, moral and holy, to just being a cold hearted, unkind human being.
Of all the human experiences that should inspire love and compassion in a person - the birth of a child, your own flesh and blood - you couldn't find within yourselves a shred of basic human decency to get off your high horse and behave as family should. I personally could never act this way without feeling like an absolute piece of garbage.
You remind me of the Bible prophecy in 2nd Timothy chapter 3:1-3: "in the last days ... men will be ... without natural affection". The word stergeo ("natural affection") is one of four Greek words for "love". It refers to the natural love that members of the same family have for each other. It is such a common characteristic of all peoples that there was apparently no occasion to refer to it at all - except when it is not present, when people lose their instinctive love for their own parents and children, and thus are without "natural affection". Interesting...
As painful as it has been to lose my family - The people who are supposed to love you unconditionally and be there for you no matter what - The one ray of light for me in all of this is that your behavior has made dozens of people, or maybe 100 or more, think very very badly of your religion. And when Jehovah's Witnesses come up in conversation, those dozens or hundreds of people will speak very very badly of your religion. Imagine, all that reproach on Jehovah and the organization! Congratulations!
So, I wish you well in life. But this will be the last time I will ever attempt to contact you. I write this email only as closure for myself.
I have a beautiful family. But you don't deserve us.
I like that What Now?!
JWs like to say mean things and do mean things to others whilest thinking they are righteous, they seldom like to face the reality of their actions.