Trying To Leave - Im Going Crazy (page 6)

millie210

Hi Pale Emporer,

Im glad you are here now. You are among true and good people.

I can see that you are true and good also.

Look forward to getting to know you and congratulations on that beautiful little baby!

nicolaou

Hi Pale Emporer, sorry to hear all the crap you've gone through. You've been given a ton of good advice which I can't really add to, just wanted to add my voice to those wishing you well.

I would echo the recommendation to seek professional counselling, your wife clearly has issues that need serious help. Whether it's her father or a scumbag elder, she turns to an older, authorative man at each perceived crisis point. Why do you suppose that is?

I live in the Northampton/MK area if you ever want a beer or coffee . .

jhine

Pale.emperor , in the middle of your sad story l did have a smile . You confess to looking at porn , once , and a five pound bet ! .My goodness those folks in Sodom ain't got nothin' on you .
I'm near Tàmworth , Staffs .
Jan

stan livedeath

heres a link to other UK members on here.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/197364/ex-jw-uk?page=1&size=20

Diogenesister

I've just seen this post and it made me want to cry.

Your dad sounds like the real deal..a gem of a man, seems like you take after him!

I think your wife has been brainwashed into totally trusting elders, and this swine took advantage of that. I'm so glad you stayed together and now you have your little girl too! Don't write off your wife...slowly slowly you CAN in programme her but first you must assert yourself..no more running to daddy. She owes you that honesty at !east..you are a PARTNERSHIP tell her..look where running to elders got her last time.

Any chance of moving away to begin a fade and try to extract her from her toxic family/elders . Talk to her about those family meals first, with the elders laughing about disfellowshipped people. Try to show her there is no loving holy spirit there.

I wish you all the best, you lovely man. People like you make me proud to be a sapien.!!😀

Diogenesister

Just noticed you are in the UK. There are many fantastic carer and baby groups in the UK...free or next to nothing to attend with toy libraries often too. It would be a great place for you and your wife to bond with other mums and dads to help with lonliness. Getting to know other new parents is a great way of getting outside the cult support netwotk going. There are also sporty ones like baby yoga or baby joggers/ workout groups...great for you to burn off some of that stress you are building up. Its a great little community , the new parent community...you really see the best in people, working together to make their kids lives better. Hope you get to see this as you last posted so long ago, and that you are OK!

JWdaughter

Welcome. Congratulations on your baby.

MicaSmith

Dear Pale.Emperor:

Millie210's said: "Im glad you are here now. You are among true and good people. I can see that you are true and good also."

I admire your decision to share your challenge and seek support. I came here to comment because of the loneliness you expressed, and the statement about being free when your are dead, that worried me.

I know what if feels like to experience such heavy emotions. I realize you are feeling trapped. You are being pressed in from every side. And you haven't anyone in your spiritual community you can trust or turn to. You can't confide in your wife because she's your father-in-law's spy. But there is an even better option for you and many persons here said it, if you have a therapist you will have someone for you. You need psychological support. I've put together some resources for you in this post, including apps you can use now to help you cope.

It appears that your wife was raised to be in subjection to her father and even though she is married to you she has maintained that.

She's doesn't trust her own judgement because a dictatorial parent would never permit that. She's been trained to seek outside approval, namely from her dad. It is not uncommon for females with dominant dads to seek a surrogate.

This may have been what she was doing with the older man. It is also fair to assume that it was this man who pursued those photos, and groomed her about sexual fantasies. Given what I know about females she probably did not even know she had any sexual fantasies until then. He then wanted those fantasies to materialize, thus the hotel. This man is a scoundrel. What a wicked shepherd!!!

(In the last three paragraphs of this post, I have shared some free downloads including an app that may be useful to your wife. As well as information on mindful-based therapy for persons with OCD).

If your wife can apply mindfulness she may no longer automatically report to her dad. She will develop the skill to think through her decisions and develop self-confidence rather than seek instant approval. She's not a child but her conditioning from childhood still dominates her being.

It's clear from your father-in-law's behavior that he does not recognize boundaries or the rights of others. His asking you to produce your bank statement shows that he elected himself the head of your household.

He wants to overthrow your dignity, autonomy and self confidence but
what's new there, it appears to be exactly what he did to his daughter.

The problem is he has normalized this activity so your wife does not realize each time she betrays you, he is placing a greater distance between her and her dignity.

He's predictable and powerless. If he were truly powerful would he need to fight so hard to erode your peace and subjugate his daughter?

The problem here is your wife is a victim too but you can't start there.

You can't start with your wife's behavior because even though she's a big part of the problem, you have to start with you. I say this because that's what I had to do incrementally to deal with my despotic mother.

You are a whole person!!! God gave you that. You were a whole person before you met your wife, and you are a whole person now. It's not the same as feeling whole, it is the realization that you own all the parts of your inner-self that can restore you. You own your dignity. You own your capacity to achieve progress. No human is powerful enough to take that away from you. They can only try to convince you that it does not exist OR that even if it does you are not worthy of it. And, they have to do that consistently to keep you from it unless you accept their statements and live them. But even that can be undone, you just have to change your psychological diet, and create distance between you and emotional toxins especially the human kind.

The mind is very powerful this is why we must protect it, and understand what we must protect it from. The latter we have to learn. The former we must live to benefit from fully.

With that said, what can this man do to you once you have dusted off, polished, hardened, and employed your inner person? Nothing!!!

All he has is arrogance, bullying, and domineering nodes of nothingness. He's never going to fix himself. He's too busy scheming to usurp you. He's not real with himself.

He can't be real and pursue power over you and others. You on the other hand are a real person. Live your authenticity! You don't need to engage him. You don't need to respond to anything he says that you know isn't true. Direct all your energy towards empowerment.

When you have a moment take a look at these resources:

Please copy the URLS and place them in the browser.

1.) This website address below features all the contact information for the mental health foundation. It would probably sound nicer if it were called the Mind Health Foundation but you can always imagine that's the name. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/contact You can find out if they offer free assistance for persons experiencing emotinal distress.

2.) Psychology Today has a great article on how to spot and stop manipulators. You may find this article helpful in dealing with your father-in-law. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201406/how-spot-and-stop-manipulators

3.) Mindfulness Coach is a free app offered by the National Center For PTSD which was developed to assist U.S. veterans, their family members, and the public however anyone, anywhere can download the app. If you have an Ipad, or Iphone you can use this app. " Mindfulness Coach was developed for people who may be experiencing emotional distress and for those wanting to maintain healthy coping practices. The app can be used on its own by those who would like mindfulness tools, or to enhance face-to-face care with a healthcare professional."

4.) I use this app along with several others it is a way of expanding my support, and my therapist supports my use of them. I hope you will find Mindfulness Coach helpful. https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mindfulness-coach/id804284729?mt=8

I also recommend the Virtual Box app. It is also a free app and it has helped me cope with suicidal thoughts as I work through my challenges:https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/virtual-hope-box/id825099621?mt=8

5.) If you do not have an Ipad or Iphone you may find this other app useful. I find the Moving Forward App and Website to be extremely useful. It's like having a personal coach whom you can access at any time of the day or night. This is the link to the app:https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/moving-forward/id804300239?mt=8

And Relieflink is another great app to help you cope with the pressure that promotes thoughts about suicide if that should come up. https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/relieflink/id721474553?mt=8

Resources About And For Your Wife.

1.)This amazing pdf is about Mindfulness-Based Therapies For OCD. http://www.hope4ocd.com/downloads/OCF2007_MBBT.pdf

2.) This resource features downloads that can help become more aware of her symptoms and coping strategies. http://psychology.tools/obsessive-compulsive-disorder.html

3. This last resource is from the Overcoming Series developed in your side of world, which offers low-cost self-help books and services to help persons overcome a wide-range of conditions including OCD.

The Overcoming self-help books offer courses of highly effective Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) in book form. CBT is recommended by the NHS for the treatment of many emotional and psychological problems. Our authors are among the leading and best-qualified mental health experts in their field and our books are recommended to thousands of people by NHS psychologists.

Here is the link: http://www.overcoming.co.uk/single.htm?ipg=7551

This is the organization the Overcoming Series recommends: The British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies.

All the practitioners listed are accredited members of either the British Association for Behavioural & Cognitive Psychotherapies (BABCP), which is the lead organisation for CBT in the UK and Ireland, or the Association for Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (AREBT).

http://www.cbtregisteruk.com/Default.aspx

Lastly the Mindfulness Coach App can also be used by your wife.

Cheers,

Mica Smith

Diogenesister

Mica that post should have its own thread...its fantastic and would be useful for many people. Might be worth a pm to pale emperor to make sure he sees it. You are so right about his poor wife too, I have great sympathy for them both. 😊👍

SecretSlaveClass

Welcome to a great online family. We may not all agree with one another but to help each other is something we all agree with. What strike me as complete BS is how hard you try, how humble and compassionate you are and the virtues you demonstrate most religious people fail miserably at, yet your holier-than-thou wife commits adulatory, gets reinstated and stil proceeds to act like she is better than you. I may get a reply lashing for this, but like my ex wife, your wife may have some deep seated psychological issues but she is toxic nonetheless. In fact, your entire predicament is toxic.

You my friend are in a terrible situation but I guarantee you if you cut the umbilical chord tethering you to that vile cult and a twisted wife, life may be tough for a while but would inevitably turn out for the best and your life would eventually improve dramatically. Seek help and encourage her to do the same while ignoring the vitriol from her father and congregation which is sure to ensue.

Give some serious thought about what is making your life miserable and come up with a plan to set in motion.

Trying To Leave - Im Going Crazy

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