I really feel i need to leave the JW's rather than go along pretending everything is perfect etc. I was raised in this organization and for many years never doubted it for a second.
Do you doubt the core beliefs or because you have been stumbled by the lack of love and/or your inability to trust your wife with even simple issues like what your reading or what songs you listen to? The fact that she was DF is troubling. Getting pregnant should not have caused her to seek counsel in a hotel room.
Now you told us that she was DF but the way you wrote the account I am not sure if she simply met this Elder in a Hotel room to talk privately or if she had sex with him. Was he DF? And was he threatening your wife if she told you about her association with him.
I guess what I am trying to understand is what is the status of your marriage. Do you love one another? What about her father is he still interfering in your life? Are you thinking about fading or DAing yourself?