Trying To Leave - Im Going Crazy

by pale.emperor 77 Replies latest jw experiences

  • sowhatnow

    just when were starting to feel bad about our own situation, wham someone shakes us out of it,

    good heavens, anyone have a place for them to run away to? lol,

    Id sooo move far away from that whole area. soon before they get hold of my child.

    poor you, wish we could give you a new life someplace to start over. i cant imagine the stress you have.

    I hear reassignment.... ?

  • MicaSmith


    I forgot to add Therapy buddy. It's an app that helps you prepare for your therapy sessions: You can write down things you want to bring up, and even add notes on what you took away from the session, including homework (things you need to work on). It has other nice features and it is free.

    I hope it will be as useful to you as it has been for me.


    Mica Smith

  • corruptgirl
    Please tell me the elder that did this also got expelled!
  • adjusted knowledge
    adjusted knowledge
    If I had in-laws that acted like that it wouldn't end well. Can't imagine anyone dare coming to my house asking to see my credit card statement. Too bad you don't have the reputation where no one would dare question your personal life. Your father-in-law is a dick.
  • stuckinarut2

    Hi friend.

    How are things progressing now?

    Are you ok?

  • pale.emperor

    Hi guys. Sorry I've been off this for about a month. Been mad busy. I'll explain how things have progressed:

    My wife's OCD got so bad that she was hospitalized for a few weeks. I looked after my 2yo daughter 1 on 1 and have really bonded with her like nothing else. During this i got to thinking about when my wife was disfellowshipped and how her father cut her off for the entire year. Let me be very clear about how i feel to everybody on here and any JW lurkers - there is NO WAY... EVER that i would cut off my daughter if she were ever disfelloweshipped. No matter what she did, no matter if she repented or not, my daughter can absolutely guarantee my unconditional love and help. I dont care if an elder, a circuit overseer or a governing body member personally visits my house and tells me to cut off association - it aint happening. There is no power on earth strong enough to make me cut her off.

    So... that said... why would i continue in an organization that would expect that off me?

    So im in the process of drifting. Haven't been on the ministry in 6 months. Why would i? You expect me to tell others to join when i can barely stand it myself?

    My father in law said something i picked up on a few weeks ago. We were in the hall and my daughter was singing a song from Frozen to the other little kids. He turned to me and said "Even if this isn't the truth, isn't it a wonderful place for our children to grow up?" - and im thinking... so should people stay because its nice for their kids?

    There's another elders family in our hall and their kids are praised for sitting statue still all through the meetings. They have their notebooks, bible etc... all very nice. But you can bet those kids have the personality of a gnat. You can just imagine how they're going to function as adults.

  • FayeDunaway
    But it ISN'T nice for kids! Your daughter could have experienced that moment at her preschool, or an ordinary church, places where her path in life wont be narrowly defined for her, where she will hope to have a voice as a female and her best hope wont be to 'marry well.' 'Even if it isn't the truth' I'm dumbfounded by anyone who would say that. If it isn't the truth, how can it be tolerated that these people are telling you what to do with all of your time and with your mind and with your goals in life? If it isn't the truth, how can you stay and keep your kids in it, making them fearful of the world around them, making them feel guilty they are not doing enough all the time? Making them vulnerable to the scrutiny of others, as if their life depended on it? No, it is not a wonderful place for kids to grow up.
  • TheListener
    The old "even if it isn't the truth...." bullcrap. I spouted it myself years ago. In my opinion you can only say that and mean it when you totally believe it's the truth or are trying to convince yourself it's the truth. Once you know it's all crap that statement just doesn't ring true.
  • flipper

    PALE EMPEROR- Wow. Really, just wow. I'm just catching up on your entire story. I missed this when you first posted this thread. First of all- let me say that I'm really sorry that you've been exposed to this vitriolic hate speech and lack of honoring boundaries by your father in law. It's absolutely disgusting how he has treated you and your wife. His statement, " Even if this isn't the truth, isn't it a wonderful place for our children to grow up ? " What's your father in law been smoking ? How would you like it if your father in law treated you and your wife's children - the exact same way he has treated both of you ? And that may very well happen if as your children hit their teenage years and decide they want to bolt for freedom of mind outside the organization.

    It's great that YOU would always be there unconditionally for your daughter and any of your children- however the damage that can rip a family into a million pieces isn't done by the GOOD people like you- it's done by the mind controlled hatemongers like your father in law in the JW organization. I truly believe part of your wife's emotional problems have come from years of trying to live up to her " daddie dearest " elders expectations and it's caused her to have PTSD.

    I know and understand what you and your wife are going through to some extent as I was born and raised by an authoritative elder , a long time City Overseer , who ruled our house with an iron fist. He thought he was Hitler's younger brother in another lifetime- if you get the satire in my humor. To put it mildly- not fun being his son as a teenager, or even since then as an adult. I didn't start completely feeling like MY life was my own until my late 30's almost 40 when I STOPPED trying to please " Daddy Dearest " as I realized NOTHING I ever did would ever please him . Elders are trained by the WT organization to love the organization first, family way down the line after.

    THIS is where you and your wife need to get psychologically if you are to find complete happiness in life and stop letting her dad or anybody else try to dictate to you HOW you should live your lives. Your wife's mental health depends on it. If it requires moving away from her parents area- good- do it ! You'll be able to run your own lives and experience much less stress for your young family.

    Hopefully your wife is able to see a counselor to deal with her stresses right now, but don't go telling her dad as he'll try to influence her to stop her counseling sessions. Most JW's put down professional counseling. man, buddy I wish you the best but I'm afraid that if you and your wife don't grab hold hard on the reins of the horse in your life that you are riding- her " daddy dearest " elder is going to ride your family horse right off of a cliff to your demise. I would catch the next train or horse for freedom of mind for you, your kid, and your wife with no delays or hesitation. Think about it : With relatives like we have inside the JW organization- who needs enemies ? Go make yourselves some REAL unconditional friends outside the JW cult. We are here for you my friend. Lots of us have gone , or are going through similar situations. If you ever want to chat, just PM me, and I'll give you my phone number. I offer my friendship. Hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • DesirousOfChange

    We went on a holiday together, us, my wifes family and 2 other elders families. Sitting round the dinner table the elders start talking about brother so-and-so and what he's done, why sister so-and-so is now disfellowshipped and even talking trash about other members of the congregation. This is while their wives and children are sitting there. I'll never forget when my father in law said "yeah, the judicial with so-and-so went ahead. We could see he was repentant... but we disfellowshipped him anyway." <they all laugh>.

    Emperor, I've been reading some of your old posts since you've stated that you've been "outted" and I found this comment interesting. I suggest you make a point of contacting every person that was the subject of the gossip and tell them what was revealed about them. Tell them your FIL and his Elduh buddies told all the nasty details of their adultery, homosexuality, drunkenness, etc (and that of their wives and children).

    I'd say your SIL has proven that there are no boundaries than need to be honored or respected. Let the chips fall!

    Time for the sh*t to hit the fan.


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