Trying To Leave - Im Going Crazy

by pale.emperor 77 Replies latest jw experiences

  • stephanie61092
    Wow PE, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. That's such a crazy situation. I'm currently DFed and still undergoing the emotions of finding out I've been brainwashed by a cult my entire life. I wish you all the best. This place has been a great source of information and at times comfort for me. I hope you can find some refuge too.
  • Giordano

    Pale Emperor there seems to be a lot of Toxic people in and around the JW's in your area. And certainly in your face. You have put up with a lot.

    You and your wife need to agree some acceptable boundaries.

    Yeah I agree. That was outrageous about the $300....... why didn't she ask you about it directly? What is it with her 'daddy' issues seeking approval or is her common sense messed up. Perhaps some marriage counseling is needed for both of you. Boundaries, privacy, parenting and having a meaningful married relationship.

    If you can't talk to her about any of this stuff.......... that's not good.

  • FadeToBlack
    Hang in there. If possible, you might try going to a gym (if you aren't already) to work off some tension.
  • Incognito


    You love your wife, I get that, but that doesn't mean that you should or will accept anything she does. When you became married, you both vowed to love, honour, support and respect each other. She hasn't been living-up to her part of the vow. You need to stop accepting her bad behaviour.

    If you hope to remain married, you need to have a calm, rational discussion with her on your expectations and what is and what is not appropriate behavior in your marriage. Her discussing everything with her parents or anyone else, is inappropriate and unacceptable.

    You will need to do similar with her parents. Don't rely on your wife to set boundaries with her parents as she opened the gate to cause them to be as involved as they are. While you should expect she will support whatever boundaries are established, you need to be the one to set them.

    With regard to her 'affair', the excuse of her fear of being a Mom is obviously BS. Did she first discuss those fears with you as her partner? If she wanted 'spiritual' counselling, why would she be contacting an elder in another cong?

    If they were texting naked photos and sexual fantasies in advance of their private meeting, then she knew full well what was to happen in the hotel and it was all premeditated.

    As she wouldn't be texting those types of things immediately on first meeting someone, I suspect the relationship had been going on for some time but finding out she was pregnant, caused her additional guilt which she wanted to unload.

  • Bonsai
    Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your situation. Me thinks its time you moved away from all the trash living near you and start a new life with your family while doing a complete overhaul of the people in your life around you. Move to a far away congregation and fade. The farther away your wife is from daddy, the less influence he will have over her and you. Don't raise a daughter up around people like them or she will become just like them.
  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    hello emperor--welcome to the site.

    you mentioned £300---so is it fair to assume youre in the UK ?

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    I never did, or do trust ANY, I mean ANY of the elders ever. I could never trust them any ''further than I could throw them''. I sure couldn't throw any of them, seeing how big and heavy a lot of them are.

  • cha ching
    cha ching

    OMG pale emperor, so sorry for you.. Welcome here, at least you will be able to express yourself & know that the people you are telling cashmere relate, right?

    I guess I find myself wondering if I could live like that.. Or WANT to live like that???

    Is your wife sincere, or just a shallow user? I hate to sound harsh, but reality can be a "beep".....

    Once you find out /decide if you can stomach this most wonderful, happy, honest organization in the world, Then the getting decisions can be made.. And don't think that "this is a'local' problem"... It's everywhere.

    Good luck!

  • pale.emperor

    Dont get me wrong guys , im not saint. I looked at pornography 6 years ago (boy we still never hear the end of that)... which is raked up every now and then and once i even put a £5 bet on a football match. Both indiscretions were promptly reported to elders and labelled as ""pale.emperor" has a problem with pornography/gambling" even though it was only the one time. And the porn wasn't even a habit it was a whim.

    Im willing to bet anything you like that there's plenty who have done both and more but just don't say anything and no one knows. The difference is, in my case, its like living in Nazi Germany where your family and friends are encouraged to rat you out to the authorities.

    My family are witnesses still but not as intense. They tell me everytime i see them "you look stressed out, are you ok?", "why dont you come and stay with us for a few days?", "are you happy?". They're noticing im not my usual self. For all its faults there are some really nice people in this organization. I think its become overly bureaucratic. We're told we're all equal. Then why do we all clamor for favor when the CO comes to visit? Why is it considered an honour if an elder works with you on the ministry? Whenever im working with an elder on the ministry im VERY careful what i say. But it shouldn't be that way. If Jesus was here right now i'd pour my heart out to him. And whatever he would say back, whether i liked it or not, i'd KNOW he would be saying it out of love.

    The only way im managing to keep sane is by telling myself "at the worst, i'll die one day and be done with it all".

  • Listener
    It amazes me that you can forgive your wife but the Elders still find her unrepentant.
    Your wife should not be divulging private information to her father, why is she doing this? It seems like she neither trusts you or respects you but maybe she is just a very insecure person (given her confiding to another Elder and seeking support from her father).

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