Disfellowshipping - How long to return?

by CaptK 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat

    Well, reinstatement can vary, depending on how sincere the elders think you are. My honey has been working on reinstatement for three years. He has been attending an extra book study along with the regular meetings. He is still not approved for service.

    While you were out, did you spend some time in personal reflection and study, considering what your core values are, and what you want most from life? Don't be a cork on the ocean, bobbing up and down depending on mood and weather.

  • CaptK

    I guess i just wanted to have respect among people and not be treated like some social outcast. When I first was a witness in 1975 I was just a grocery store clerk with the idea that this was enough till Arrmagedon. With competition, wage cuts, etc I found myself not being qualified to get married and exhasted from all the time let alone worrying about your job. Then as time goes on others in the congregation just drop you because they are married and you are single. I was in my late 30's with no one and the "hello" "goodbye" routine at the hall. I started going to single dances which the elders and others looked down on this but they gave me no encouragement as to my needs for a social outlet. My vacation trips I had to do on my own because going with a freinds only vacation was a disaster from the start, but I tried it.Now never again. Then I went to Thailand and met a nice sexy Asian lady that I spent a week with. This was one of the most happiest times of my life. I told a freind who threaten to go to the elders on me so I did and confessed. You know one of the elders in the meeting was so mad at me that he stood up and threw his bible down on the table. After they said they were to D'F me I figured I might get support from another "body of elders" You know what I showed up and they meet with the new body first then they invited me in while I have to explain all over again. A Kangaroo court. They said they will not go against the desion of the 1st body (of course not peer p) Now everyone [witnesses] wrote me off like I am a social outcast, yet I att meetings,service, talks . I just want to have my respect back.

  • pamkw

    You will need to get your respect back on your own. Don't let them take it from you. Once you are df, even if you get back in the cong. will not treat you with respect. Once you make a mistake they will always expect the worst from you. I think that is why I was able to walk away a few years ago, I had made mistakes in my past and no one expected me to measure up. You are a great, important human being, don't let them take that away from you. I do understand your pain, I have been there myself in the past.

    Life is less confusing and happier without them.


  • cyberguy


    Have you given them a letter requesting reinstatement? If so, it all depends on how "repentant" they feel you are. Which, as other posters have stated, can be in terms of weeks/months/years, it all depends on the local body of elders. Of course, if you don’t have family in it, why do you want to return (even if you are "repentant")? If you want to conform to "Christianity" of course, you’ll need to make changes in your life, regardless of whether you’re accepted back as a JW. Actually, I no longer believe JW’s are truly "Christian." (But that’s just my opinion—and another story!) You need to determine for yourself, if you want to be a "Christian" or not. If you want to be one, then conform to the "standard" set forth in the Bible, otherwise, do as you please. Becoming a JW is another question, an independent/separate question, in my opinion.

    Hope whatever you choose works out well for you (and your other half)! Try to find happiness my friend! You’re always welcomed here on this board of course! Take care!

  • badolputtytat
    I love to go out dancing on the weekends at worldly dance halls, spend time with my hobby, and study for my Mcse and Cisco training courses. I have not had that many close freinds at the hall.
    Then I went to Thailand and met a nice sexy Asian lady that I spent a week with. This was one of the most happiest times of my life.

    " I love to..." and "happiest times of my life" .................. Need He say more?

    Welcome CaptK........

    I just want to have my respect back.
    They cannot give it you..... but YOU can take it back from them.
  • UpAndAtom
  • UpAndAtom

    (previous reply didn't work!)

    Dear CaptK,

    I feel for ya and am sorry to hear things have not always been easy. Sounds like you may now fully understand Matthew 6:6.

    Here's a similar story by William R. Whiten that illustrates the need to be careful about who's opinion (or respect) you care about:

    A particular bear was quite proud of his ability to dance. One day he was working on a new step and decided to try it out for his friend the monkey. "How do you like it?" the bear asked eagerly after he’d finished. “It’s very bad. You look awful”, said the monkey, who himself was quite nimble and agile. The bear was indignant. “You’re not very polite,” he said “Didn’t you like that jump I made at the end?” The pig, who had been listening to this exchange, suddenly chimed in, “Hurray for you Bear! You are a magnificent dancer – I have never seen better!” The bear thought for a moment about the two responses to his dance. He finally said to himself, “I think I’d better practice my steps a little more before performing again. I was indignant when the monkey criticized me, but my dancing must really be bad if the pig liked it so much!”

  • Fred E Hathaway
    Fred E Hathaway

    First, you need to apply for re-instatement to the congregation where you were disfellowshipped. It's not about being well-liked by them, but meeting the qualifications that were set out, which always includes full disclosure of further serious wrongdoing. You mention only attending 2 meetings of the 5 per week, citing attending college to keep in step with my field of work. That shows a double heart, which is the underlying problem I have as well. One who loves the world — you mention that you love to go out dancing on the weekends at worldly dance halls, spend time with your hobby, and study for my Mcse and Cisco training courses — is making themselves an enemy of Jehovah. He is, after all, a Jealous God, exacting exclusive devotion, which requires self-sacrifice and seeking first-and-always the Kingdom. It certainly is worth the effort. It is not wasting your time to try to get back in-line with Jehovah's requirements. After all, He is the one holding out the real promise of everlasting life. Once you're a friend of Jehovah, the rest falls into place. Either the fear/respect of Jehovah is paramount, or the fear/respect of the world. If we try to choose both, we're choosing the world.

  • Finally-Free
    One who loves the world — you mention that you love to go out dancing on the weekends at worldly dance halls, spend time with your hobby, and study for my Mcse and Cisco training courses — is making themselves an enemy of Jehovah.

    That's right! Why study for a career that can feed you and your family when you can go to the kingdom hall and quaff down the watchtower's spiritual vomit instead? How utterly stupid!

    I lost count of the number of times I heard the same shit from elders in the 20 years I was a JW. At no time were they ever able to back up such stupidity from the bible, not even their own mistranslation of it.


  • Fred E Hathaway
    Fred E Hathaway

    As King David knew from experience, "A young man I used to be, I have also grown old, And yet I have not seen anyone righteous left entirely, Nor his offspring looking for bread." [Psalm 37:25]

    Jesus himself left what could have been a lucrative carpentry business, Peter a lucrative fishing business, Paul a lucrative law practice. All 3 kept integrity throughout life, Peter even having a wife! All 3 passed the courage test hands down, even if Peter and Paul were imperfect like the rest of us. Hebrews 11 shows many other examples of what true faith can accomplish. And Luke 18 provides a contrast in viewpoints that is very instructive to us all.

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