I was ashamed

by Happeanna 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • Happeanna

    I was once a person who believed in God destroying 7 billion people so a few people could live in paradise.

    when the penny finally dropped and I realised what as a Jehovah's Witnesses I was really praying for , it made me feel sick

    what is attractive about a person that prays for this world to end

    I was ashamed to have been a Witness Deeply ashamed

    It wasn't my fault I was born into this vile self absorbed smug cult

    it it has taken time but I am liberated and free so much so that I am don't identity myself as an ex JW but rather as a liberated free thinking genuine person that has no need " to put on the new personality" because mine is just fine thank you

    How do you view yourself at the moment ?

  • cofty
    a liberated free thinking genuine person that has no need " to put on the new personality" because mine is just fine thank you

    Same here.

    When I talk to JWs at their street magazine trolleys I usually remind them they are praying for the violent deaths of every man woman and child we can see around us.

  • Darkknight757
    Thinking about the kingdom prayer was a factor in waking me up and when I explained this fact to my wife she was shocked. She had never thought of it like that before. Rarely do we ever put two and two together.
  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    Its just an overwhelming feeling. To discover that you've spent all those years praying for the deaths of 99.999% of mankind. So a few million people can live in paradise.

    Agreed. Its not many of our faults. For being born into this terrible religion.

  • Ucantnome

    no i'm not ashamed

    I was trying to help people and nothing to do with a few people living in paradise, it was open to all I never felt that i was guaranteed a place any more than anyone else.

    We were looking forward to an earth where righteousness was to prevail

  • Giordano

    Happeana My wife and I woke up to two doctrines...... the Blood issue and Armageddon this was back in the mid 1960's.

    Even to this day I can never forget what a nasty teaching that was especially when collecting my young granddaughters from their school.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim
    That's something I really struggled with also over the years. Violent deaths to countless, unsuspecting victims, who get blindsided at Armageddon.
  • paul from cleveland
    paul from cleveland

    When I was "in" I never felt "good enough" to be included among those that would be saved. I was never able to "put on the new personality" to the extent that I felt that I deserved to be saved. I tried to make up for my shortcomings by doing more. Enough was never enough of course. I thought "putting on the new personality" wasn't possible without Jehovah's spirit since what I needed was the 'fruitage of the spirit' [love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, self control] So, if I did't have it there was nothing I could do to get it myself. For that reason, I thought Jehovah was withholding his spirit because he 'just didn't want me in the new system' for some reason. He was rejecting my sacrifice like he did Cain. [my favorite bible character] Finally I gave up trying to please him.

    Regarding your shame, remember, you were deceived. It wasn't your fault.

    Now, I'm deciding for myself what is right and wrong (I know, just like Adam). My goal is to live a life aligned with my own values. Always try to do the right thing and behave in a way so I respect myself. I'm no longer worried as much about what 'god' thinks of me as I am of what I think of myself. How do I behave when no one is watching? Well, there is never a time when no one is watching because I'm watching myself. I see everything I do. Seeing myself act in a way that doesn't align with the person I want to be damages my view of myself.

    If it turns out that there is some 'god' outside of me and I am "wrong" (as an elder once told me), I'm learning to accept that that's okay. Whatever happens has to be okay because I have no say in the matter. I explained this to an elder's wife not too long ago and she said something like 'So you'll just be asleep forever' or 'So you don't want to live forever and want to be asleep forever' (something like that, I can only remember the thought not the exact words). I told her that I'll accept whatever Jehovah decides to do with me because I have a clean conscience. If he wants me dead forever I'm sure that's the best decision so I'm okay with it.

  • Diogenesister
    Paul from Cleveland I can totally relate to everything you said, I was very much the same.
  • berrygerry
    Why Armageddon Is an Act of Love by God

    Oct 1999 KM for TMS Jan 24, 2000, Talk 3 (Lucky sister - probably assigned to a young girl)

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