Stupidest thing a JW ever told you

by Nosferatu 193 Replies latest jw friends

  • Nosferatu

    Damn, just thought of one to top my original one - Poison is a satanic band.

  • Roo

    There was a discussion about the dangers of taking a blood transfusion, and someone said they had heard of a woman who received one and started acting bizarre. Apparently, she had always been the modest quiet type and after receiving a blood transfusion she began partying and dressing provocatively. They tracked the blood source down and found out that the donor had been a prostitute.

  • PurpleV

    Has to be this:

    That we have to go out and embarrass ourselves preach so that Jehovah's name would be vindicated because Satan was trying to "best" him.

    Like God would need us to vindicate his name, he couldn't just flick his little finger and hurl one crummy upstart demon into oblivion?


  • frenchbabyface

    so much fun (it brings back memories)... and I totally agree with shotgun and purpleV

    I've always have been an insensive rebell as they were saying ... was looking elders who were trying to give me some advice like "Yeah ... of course" not even listening to those who couldn't give the right example ... Once, one of them told me : maybe Jehovah wants you to be like that ... so that you'll stay in "the world" to preach to people who don't listening to JW's ... My mother also came to that conclusion once ... LOL

    What is it all about damned ? When the brain is gone, nothing's left !

  • Elsewhere

    Ohhhhh, we watch how we walk and we watch how we talk,

    hum, hum, hum... something, something, something... in our ministry...

  • Pepper

    I remember the most stupid thing I ever heard at an assembly was an elder got up on the stage and said "this is how we know Jehovah made man, is how a mans penis fits so wonderfully inside a womens vagina". Needless to say many got up and walked out cussing as they left. someone approched the elder and quickly escorted him off the stage. Too F***ing funny but true.


  • mustang

    We're both holding floor buffers, and this pIONEER brother that "owns a janitorial service" is telling me what a wonderful, thrilling and fulfilling job this is. I looked over his shoulder and all I can see is another mile of tiles to wax.

    I just smiled back at him and didn't say a word. (That was my secret for getting out of the WTS in one piece!!!)

    That minute I swore to myself that I would take the next job that came up, if it was digging ditches. At least it probably wouldn't be with all JW's.

    So, next week I was working in a freight yard, the next month I was doing technician work in aerospace. Within 3 months I was on night shift and had gone to my last meeting


  • happyout


    I can't believe after more than 10 years I actually remember that STUPID SONG!!! Thanks a lot for putting that frickin' melody into my brain!

    Happyout (trying desperately to hum another melody)

  • Candlestick02

    One that sticks out is when I was getting counseled by the young 30-something elder's wife.. (I was dating my now husband).. 'you know, if you date a WORDLY guy, they might ask things of you that we as Christians aren't supposed to do. Like celebrate holidays, go to worldly parties, even participate in things in the bedroom that for us are off-limits, like oral sex!' (she practically whispered the words) LOL! Little did she know he didn't have to twist my arm. Oh wait.. wrong body part. (sheepish grin)

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    The total tonnage ... where do I start?

    What about the explanation for the fact that resurrected folks are not allowed to marry. I thought that wasn't fair. I mean what about all the people who gave up having a family? Well this self-important elder told me that their desire to have children would be taken care of by Jehovah resurrecting all the aborted fetuses. H reasoned that would give these people plenty of children to raise.

    He didn't say if the fetuses would be resurrected whilst they were in the first, second or third trimester.

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