Asking for help with wife

by Are you serious 27 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • sparrowdown

    It usually takes a while to warm to the idea of new information so keep it yourself for now and just appear really happy.

  • freddo

    Oh that there was a magic bullet!

    I feel your pain.

  • Ding

    Go slowly.

    Don't let the borg destroy your marriage.

    It's tempting to think that if you just show your wife everything that woke you up it will wake her up as well.

    Not necessarily so.

    Things that you found convincing might not impact her at all.

    She might not even listen to you out of fear that she would be rebelling against Jehovah if she did.

    It's better to be patient and listen to her more than you talk.

    Make sure she understands that you understand where she's coming from and that your love for her hasn't changed at all.

  • Phoebe

    I was that woman. My husband woke up long before me and so did my nephew. They fed me little bits. I wasn't listening - at first. I defended. I warned my husband about 'apostate' websites. I even said if I can still stick to the truth despite all the problems, then I'm sticking with it.I told him he was dicing with the devil looking at John Cedars and JT (critical thinking) on Youtube.

    But slowly it seeped into my mind. You have to do it for yourself. No one can wake you up. I could also see the total lack of love in the congregation for people not in cliques. The callous, unloving way elders handled matters.The child abuse problems.

    Gradually it all started to come together. Like a misty window slowly being wiped clear. One night I took a peek at a JT video and learned some things that shocked me but started to make sense. But the waking up was horrendous. Your wife may be afraid of that. I was. The mental anguish was just awful.

    Go slowly. Very slowly. Hopefully it will all come together in time.

  • Are you serious
    Are you serious

    I appreciate all of your comments. Yes Freddo I'd be willing to pay quite a bit for that magic bullet lol.

    SBF that's a very good question and to the point. I may try it one of these days.

    Silentbuddha wow your situation was similar to mine. I'm being patient with her and have been as loving as I can. Separation has been her biggest fear but I try as hard as I can to show her thats not my intention.

    Scratchme1010 those are excellent ideas to consider. She does have a few long time friendships that I'm sure she's afraid of losing.

    Thank you Phoebe for relating your experience. I'm hoping that little by little it also starts to come together for her.

    To the rest. I am making a big effort on baby steps and not rushing it. She has to wake up on her own. She does fear losing Jehovah's approval. That's big as it was for all of us. I'm just thinking of what would be the best tidbits to give her any chance I get.

  • a watcher
    a watcher

    Why don't you just let her do what makes her happy? Maybe she has a personal relationship with Jehovah that you never had.

  • Scully

    The clincher for me (and Mr. Scully, about 6 months later) was an entry in the Insight on the Scriptures volume, under the heading "Lie".

    While malicious lying is definitely condemned in the Bible, this does not mean that a person is under obligation to divulge truthful information to people who are not entitled to it.

    So the questions arise:

    • who has the right to decide who is entitled to truthful information?
    • what if the Society is withholding truthful information from JWs?
    • why should I be worried about lies of omission from the Society?
    • do I have the right to refrain from divulging truthful information to people who are not entitled to it, such as the Elders™, the Circuit Overseer™, the District Overseer™, etc.
    • how do I feel about being told in Public Talks™ and so on, that we should be honest in all things, while the GB endorses the idea of not being "under obligation to divulge truthful information to people who are not entitled to it"?
    • how would I feel if I found evidence of the GB engaging in this practice? (if you have one of the old Creation books, you can do this easily by looking up all the citations in the references and comparing them to what they print in the book. This was something that a former member alanf did several years ago.)
    At any rate, this was something that brought down the whole house of cards for me and then Mr. Scully. We were both absolutely disgusted by the dishonesty of the entire operation. Clearly, the Society felt that Joe and Jane Publisher were "not entitled" to their honesty. We set a date (January 1, 1995) for our first day of freedom, and never looked back.

  • OnTheWayOut

    There are so many of us in your situation- the mate who woke up trying/hoping for change in the other mate.

    I had to let it go and just lightly hit at the doctrine now and again. Mostly, I point out things in daily life and politics where people choose to close their eyes to the clear and obvious truth of matters. Mostly, I help tug at my wife's emotions about doing the right thing and how it would be wrong to "shun" family over petty differences. Hugely, I point out problems in the news with Muslims, Mormons, Christian groups, the like- without directly mentioning JW's.

  • venus

    I have similar situation with my twin sister who is a very zealous Witness. What astonishes her is that I never engage her any any religious talk. I once told her "God gave us reason, not religion" which prevents her from engaging me in any religious talk either.

    Even God respects this position because He is not bothered about all those religions which misrepresent and dishonor Him. He knows each one varies in his means to find out happiness. Religions make some happy, atheism make some happy, agnosticism make some happy ... and God takes no serious view of anyone of them which actually shows He is merciful.

  • stuckinarut2

    Patience and love!

    The best thing is to show her how calm and dignified you are. This will make an impact.

    Be gracious and mild. Be patient (as I already said)

    Simply let her know that you personally value truth and honesty, and have found many things that do not seem to align with those principles. then simply invite "if you would like me to share these things, just let me know...but I will not force you, nor attempt to subvert your faith babe / love / dear (insert kind affectionate name)"

    It is then up to her and her curiosity to approach you...

    Then leave the topic alone...

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