Asking for help with wife
Hello everyone, my wife wants nothing to do with my awakening. Every time I try explaining something she tells me she doesn't want to hear it. I believe she's afraid of learning something she's not ready for. I'm not ready to give up on her learning the ttat.
Do you have any suggestions with something quick I could say that would get her to think before she tells me she doesn't want to hear it? She hates to be lied to so maybe something along those lines. However, ANY ideas would be greatly appreciated.
I'm in the same boat mate!
Are you going to meetings? How did you first tell her?
When you come out big time up front, its gonna be hard.
It is always better to help lead them to think on things with breadcrumbs.
The "I dont know how this fits" or "why would this change again" or "this doesnt seem like something jesus would do" ... "what do you think" questions.
Maybe aak: “have you ever thought that life outside the JWs might be better?” And listen to the answer.
I was in your shoes 4 years ago... today I am happy to say my wife and kids have all abandoned that dumpster fire of a religion. Each situation is different but like you I left abruptly and my wife was blazing angry and sad all at the same time. I tried to tell her all the things I knew and it only made matters worse.
My best advice to you is just give it time. It is neither prudent nor fair to her to force her down the path. If she is of the type that can see through the bullshit, she will eventually make changes because she knows you will be there to support her.
I would also suggest that you still demonstrate that you love her and want to be with her and that your decision does not mean you want to break up the family. Many people I know who were married and left all said that that was one of their spouses biggest fears.
I am totally out. I couldn't continue once I awoke. So that's been very difficult for her and I'm sure has affected her thinking towards whatever I have to say regarding "the truth".
Hit the brakes. Hard.
Read a Steven Hassan book - on the sly.
...my wife wants nothing to do with my awakening. Every time I try explaining something she tells me she doesn't want to hear it. I believe she's afraid of learning something she's not ready for. I'm not ready to give up on her learning the ttat.
Based on what I have heard from professionals who deal with the matter of brainwashing and negative influence, that is a common reaction. It is the most common occurrence. However, what I have heard them say about this are a few interesting things.
- It may not feel like that, but she is in fact listening. She may not be listening to your words and your actual thoughts, but as a person who married you and is with you, she is following you in every step you take. That's what she's paying attention to, your behavior, your credibility about where you are standing, and your degree of happiness (that's not something that you may not be interested in, but that matters to JWs, as happiness is one of their biggest selling points). Patience.
- At some point you as a JW were in the exact same place. What did your JW training tell you to do? Were you ready then to listen to any other person who would say anything different? Think about when you were in that place where you couldn't listen to others because you could bet your ass you had "the truth" and no one else did. That's where she is now.
- Talk in her language. First, you will be surprised about how many JWs actually don't even understand some of the things that they teach and go along with it because they are conditioned to follow and believe without questioning. If she's one of those who cannot even articulate some of their nonsense, but believes it anyway, no matter what you try to reason with her, she's not going to be interested. Look for what speaks to her. Her eye opener may not be the same than yours.
- Last but not least, please take a look of what is at stakes for her. How invested is she in the WT and their nonsense? What does she have to give up, other than doctrine? What are her ties, relationships, friendships, etc? Remember, admitting that they are not truthful in that context means walking away from people she may care about. It implies more than simply believing something new. A great example is precisely what you posted. I'm sure that you are not only interested in her changing her believes. Your relationship with her will be different if she does, so will her relationship with other people in her social and spiritual cycle. Many people stay mostly because of the relationship part of it, not because of their believes.
I'd say be patient, be candid, but don't force it on her, and speak abut the things that matter to her, that may not necessarily be the same that woke you up.
YOU cannot open HER eyes. She has to come to see TTATT on her own. Anything you say "against" WTS is seen as an attack and she will "shut down". You can pose "sincere" questions about things that are "stumbling" you.
What helped awaken my wife was that I asked for her help in resolving my questions. We had a very bad business deal (including bank fraud) with a high profile elder that cost us a considerable amount of money. There was an "investigation" about it. He skated. No repayment. Not even removed as Elder. He lied his way out of it. Why couldn't the Holy Spirit see the Truth of the matter? It was just like the Elder that we heard had been having an affair for 8 years when appointed. How did he lie and fool the Holy Spirit?
Then I learned of the misquotes and false statements in WT publications such as the "Creator Book" and "Trinity Brochure". Why does WTS have to print lies and fraudulent quotes to defend JW doctrine? Someone high up in WTLand had to know they were printing bullshit.
Then finally there was the Overlappy Generation thing that hit at the same time. WTF? Why did the Holy Spirit get that wrong for 100 years?
Thus we see (1) the Holy Spirit -- GOD's Holy Spirit can be FOOLED.......
Or, (2) well.............we know that #1 isn't true! (At least that's what we firmly believed at that time.) So, what is the other possibility? (STFU and allow her come to the only other obvious conclusion.)
We were (are) both old enough to have been teens through the whole 1975 fiasco. The Overlapping Generation thing was just a "deja vu moment" for us.
We also came close to having an issue with the blood doctrine with one of our children at their birth. We stood firm "for the Troof" and fortunately nothing bad happened. But how can any reasonable person explain this "fractions" stuff? This is BIBLICAL or SCRIPTURAL reasoning? (hahahahahahahaha)
Go slow. Baby steps.
And as mentioned above, be the kindest, most loving hubby that you can be!
You got to wake up in your own due time. Why shouldn't she? A person has to be ready.