Asking for help with wife

by Are you serious 27 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    Most J.W.'s stomachs will instantly churn and their brains will shut down the moment they are confronted with anything which exposes an org teaching/practice as being corrupt - even if the proof is right in front of them.

    Go easy on her and invite her to share her opinion on topics like the org's 2 witness rule for paedophiles, or why the unscriptural practice of confessing to 3 elders is compulsory, but Catholics confessing to 1 priest is wrong.

  • AnonVet

    Part of it is that she may be afraid of losing all ties with current friends and family.

    I had to make new friends. Go to and find people to hang out with. There's some fun people out there.

    I started hanging out with my new Meetup friends. And they were a lot more fun than JW friends. Once your spouse sees you having fun, that may leave an impression. She'll compare her fun to yours.

    Introduce your friends to her. Let them become her friends.

    Eventually, she'll probably feel as if she has a circle of friends to run to if she had to cut ties with JW-world.

    This is what I feel helped my spouse. I had a few friends and slowly my spouse and I attended these fun events and I think my spouse eventually came to the realization that there are real people out there who care. I think it made it easier for my spouse to cut ties with JW-world.

  • stuckinarut2

    Well said AnonVet!

    Yes, making a new group of friends is so valuable.

    Great suggestions!

  • steve2

    Actions speak louder than words.

    If life is really so much more better outside JWland, she will observe a positive, loving change in you where you show goodwill and patience. Preaching never changes anyone, whether pro-JW or anti-JW.

    Your behaviour and attitude can perhaps be the most compelling things that will help her open her eyes.

  • problemaddict 2
    problemaddict 2

    If my wife can get out.....anyone can. She was a pioneer for 15 years striaght, DC parts, all that. Daughter of missionaries etc...

    I had to reassure her that I was only doind what i was doing based on principle, and that she was the most important person in my life. The subconscious tells her that i am going to leave her, be a bad person, etc... the more i talked about my doubts.....the more she fought me.

    I finally told her I would support her in whatever she decided, because I loved her unconditionally. I would love to speak to her WITHOUT her feeling like I am "trying to convince her" of anything. More than anything, I just reassured her of my love for her, let her see the emotion of what i was going through and be vulnerable (it was a rough exit).

    Then she felt safe to talk, and we eventually found out what her thing was. Everyone has a different path....your wife included.

    But do not reverse preach to her. I can't think of anyone that has woken up that way. Focus on reassuring her.

    My wife is out....she is taking the kids trick or treating tonight. :)

  • zeb

    there are some profound loving caring and very wise words of advice here.

    Well here is mine. Dont wreck your marriage in the process.

    I/we are in the same boat. I never mention anything of the 't' as she has a come back (according to the party-line). I have found even the gentlest most considered inquiries result in SOL.

    The price I pay for myfading years has been no sex (there I said it) no touching, no simple gentle day to day conversation fuck all general conversation, no sharing of interests. and frequent outbursts of why I should get e new car ( this is the sisters influence loud and clear) and that she hates the house SIA ( sisters influence again).

    So be very a where that so many sisters see only the perceived opinion of themselves by other jw as important over and above their spouse so they are adverse to being seen as different and there is nothing more different than challenging the party line, questioning the same or outright leaving. In leaving their social intercourse is lost for all the reasons we have read on this site down the years.

    Take this to heart if you and your wife still have anything left of an intimate relationship then back off on the wt challenges. Tell yourself I will NOT raise any wt "issues" after any mid day so your afternoons and evening meal times and perhaps bed (!) time will be pleasant for ye both. You are going through hell and she will be going through the mangle by some of the 'self-righteous' class and even the 'dragon-class' because you are not being seen as her little suit, tie, approved shoes, shaven, haircut, follower the wt require.

    Buy peace with regular flowers, take in a concert, be a manly man with your personal appearance, tidiness and suffer her to watch whatever tv she may wish to watch and find in your own life the great value in your hobbies and friends and meditations'.

    You might collect some computer 'favourites' eg. the elder lying to the ARC, real stinkers of headlines, etc and keep them for the rainy day when she will raises the wt issue. You can show her what finished the wt for you what has been going on behind her back. Expect disbelief and some acceptance or not.

    My heart bleeds for all in your situation.

    Peace; Live long and prosper.

  • My Name is of No Consequence
    My Name is of No Consequence

    I sympathize. My wife is in, but I have been out for several years now. What I wouldn’t give for her to see TTATT.

  • EverApostate

    Same situation here Brother. They wont listen coz they are continuously brainwashed that we are evil. Takes a lot of patience. Use every favorable situation to question her about the WT and/or the Bible. Don't lose your cool. And also assure her that you would still love her, unconditionally.

    That's what I am doing and I hope someday it would work

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