I just turned 75 and here is a giant steaming pile of my "Wisdumb"

by Terry 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • Terry
    I was born 2 years after the end of WWII.
    Everything was in black and white.
    Harry Truman was President.
    Mahatma Gandhi was the spiritual leader of India.
    By the time I was 5, a new-fangled invention called Television
    was sitting in our living room.
    I watched Howdy Doody, Boston Blackie, Rootie Kazootie, Space Patrol, Romper Room, and ate brains and eggs for breakfast.
    It was the beginning of the Cold War. _________
    In the 20th Century, technology would invent amazing things.
    Radio Telescope
    Jet Engine
    Electron Microscope
    Atomic bomb
    Space shuttle
    Compact Discs
    Cell Phones
    In Medicine
    Polio Vaccine
    Other Inventions
    Safety Razor
    Vacuum Cleaner
    Neon Lights
    Microwave Oven
    Ballpoint Pen
    Chocolate Chips
    Tea Bags
    My favorite toys were: Mr. Wizard Chemistry set
    Mister Potato Head
    Two cap pistols (Stallion 45 six-shooters)
    Throwing knives
    Archery set
    1. When I was very young, I felt like a male trapped in a female body. Then...I was born!
    2. AGING GRACEFULLY - slowly looking worse
    3. THE I OLDER GET - the earlier it gets late
    4. YOU’RE TOO OLD - when you tell somebody your age and they no longer say,
    “You don’t look it.”
    5. Looking in the mirror at 75 is like looking at the news. I know there are going to be new developments I won’t like.
    6. AT MY AGE, when faced with temptations - I choose the one that will get me home before 9 p.m.
    7. I probably should have married an archaeologist. That way, the older I got the more interesting I’d become.
    8. Being a young kid is about the embarrassment of forgetting to zip up your fly. Well, being old is about hoping you remember to unzip it.
    9. Some say you lose your mind when you get old. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.
    10. As I now look back and remember all the nice people I’ve lost along the way…
    I think maybe I shouldn’t have become a tour guide.
    11. My favorite restaurant is that Chinese buffet where they charge me full price and then act surprised when I ask for the Senior Discount. (Every single time.)
    12. How am I aging? Like a fine banana.
    13. Somebody told me the nurses in retirement homes give the men Viagra pills every night. Yeah. Keeps them from rolling out of bed.
    14. With great age comes wisdom.
    For instance, I now see clearly Romeo and Juliet is not a love story. It's a 3-day relationship between a 13-year-old and a 17-year-old that caused 6 deaths.
    15. When you’re young, you do stupid things because you don’t know any better. Now that I’m old, I do stupid things just to feel like a kid again.
    16. Regular naps prevent old age; especially if you take them while driving.
    17. What’s it like being 75? Life is like entering your e-mail address with a TV remote.
    “When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.”
    – Clarence Darrow
    “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”
    – Arthur C. Clarke
    “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
    – Billy Sunday
    “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”
    – Casey Stengel
    “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
    – Emo Philips
    “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
    – Charles M. Shultz
    “Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!'”
    – Conan O’Brien
    “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was
    no match for me at kickboxing.”
    – Emo Philips
    “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
    – Dalai Lama
    “There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
    – Douglas Adams
    And now--my favorite as well as my Philosophy of Life:
    “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
    – Dr. Seuss
    __________ If you made it this far, you've got too much time on your hands - but I don't. Cheers!
  • Biahi

    Happy Birthday, Terry! 🎂

  • DesirousOfChange

    I will likely plagiarize some of those observations.


  • truth_b_known

    "Smile because it happened."

    Best advice ever to be given.

  • Ding

    You need to face the fact that you will never grow old in this system of things.

    Oh, wait...

  • hoser

    Stay alive til 75! You did it!

  • Vidiot

    Shit, hoser beat me to it. 😄

    Awesome jokes, man…

    …I read every one to my 90-year-old mom and she laughed her ass off.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    Happy Birthday Terry.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    ""You need to face the fact that you will never grow old in this system of things.

    Oh, wait...""

    Remember that the "end"" is right around the corner too. "It" might be closer than we think. LOL!!

  • Terry

    I didn't think about the Stay Alive till 75 aspects :)
    So, um, now what do I have to look forward to? :)

    I say to JW's (who aren't aware I'm out - "Write down on a Post-it note the outside farthest date you predict
    that this Wicked System will last."

    They frown puzzled and ask, "Why?"
    I say to them - "Because when you pass that farthest possible date in your reckoning the way I have - you might
    want to loosen up and examine the track record of the Governing Body. Spoiler Alert: not a single prediction has even come close."

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