I came here three years ago for support and to make friends (page 2)

Simon

I like the friends who sometimes disagree with me and are willing to tell me when I'm stupid. That's often what true friendship involves, when you don't have that they are often just acquaintances - there for the good times, to hang out with, easy and convenient.

It seems to me that you love and crave attention and if people don't go along with it and lavish you with praise and happiness you get rather upset and resentful toward them.

Your latest topic was a perfect example of this - it seemed to be a desire to justify a belief in god with 'evidence' (which no one has managed so far) and because people disagreed with and challenged your reasoning you declare they are "haters".

Sorry, that's not how discussions or true friendships work. Believe in god all you want, just don't ask everyone else to cheer you because if it and don't confuse people who don't cheer with being unfriendly.

KateWild

Becoming or acting tribal (I'm friends with this and that, but not friends with this and that) looks and sounds a lot like the JW practice of disfellowshipping people. I don't think that's healthy in thins particular type of forum.

Thank you scratchme for your comments. They are very sensible and wise. I truly understand your points you make. You are very right in what you say about me being hurt, I am very hurt. Thank you for acknowledging that. The last thing I want to do is be tribal, or create an atmosphere where nobody gets support. I am glad you have highlighted that my post could do that.

KateWild

It seems to me that you love and crave attention and if people don't go along with it and lavish you with praise and happiness you get rather upset and resentful toward them. - Simon

I think you may have identified something about my personality, that I don't know myself. I think you're probably right that I crave attention, and rejection does upset me. So I am probably very emotionally immature for my age. I can see how this will impact in my future if I don't make changes.

Landy

Thank you scratchme for your comments. They are very sensible and wise. I truly understand your points you make. You are very right in what you say about me being hurt, I am very hurt. Thank you for acknowledging that. The last thing I want to do is be tribal, or create an atmosphere where nobody gets support. I am glad you have highlighted that my post could do that.

Do you talk like this in real life?

never a jw

If you write about controversial ideas or topics expect controversy and plenty of challenges.

If you are down and need advice, support and soothing comments you will get that too.

Just don't confuse one case with the other. There's a time for each, separately.

KateWild

Landy,

You might find me very strange and odd because I have a disability. Yes I am like this in real life and many people discriminate against me due to my disability. I am used to it.

DesirousOfChange

I like the friends who sometimes disagree with me and are willing to tell me when I'm stupid. That's often what true friendship involves, when you don't have that they are often just acquaintances - there for the good times, to hang out with, easy and convenient.

“Lots of People Want to Ride with You in the Limo, but What You Want is Someone Who Will Take the Bus with You when the Limo Breaks down.” – Oprah

Doc

StephaneLaliberte

Hey Kate,

In order to be friends, I believe you need to meet people in real life, invite them over for supper and do some things together. For me, at least, at this time, it is impossible to do with anyone on this forum for the simple reason that I try to remain anonymous.

What I do find here and that I cherish, is support with ideas and comments that come from all types of angles on a subject that is very specific.

When i speak about my the JWs with my friends, most have no idea what to say; they don't understand the JW mentality. As for my friends who are still in, I can't talk about that subject at all!

I get this here. Here, I am reassured that I am not alone. Here, I have people sharing my joy and frustration. I have "colleagues" I would say. But to use the word friends? I can count my friends on one hand. I don't have many.

Simon

I think you're probably right that I crave attention, and rejection does upset me. So I am probably very emotionally immature for my age. I can see how this will impact in my future if I don't make changes.

I think a lot of us who were brought up in 'the truth' are emotionally stunted to some degree. It's easy to let it affect our lives and dictate our behaviour if we allow it and aren't aware of it.

The notion that if people don't agree with us, that they are rejecting us is wrong and damaging. Think about times someone may have asked you for advice ... if you tell them something that isn't what they wanted to hear, were you doing it because you wanted to help them or hurt them? It's clearer when we're on that side of the equation but it's easy to fall into the mistake of thinking that someone disagreeing with us = rejection = they are not our friend, possibly even our enemy. It's a double whammy because as well as making wrong judgements about people, it also stops us listening to what may be good (and very important) advice.

blondie

Well, I did not read the original post regarding evolution. Kate, I have found that just as I found people not what they claimed to be in the WTS, so here. Being a jw does not guarantee they are supporting people, the same is with ex-jws. It does take time , especially if there is no opportunity to meet to meet face to face.

And just with the true friends we do have, we don't always agree with them on every point, but we do treat them with dignity.

I have found that online communities have a different dynamic and require taking things differently. I met an ex-jw at a ex-jw convention that seemed intelligent and experienced but many life experiences seemed to bring out the worst in them on this board. They have made several 180's and for a time made me a specific target here. They are gone, I'm still here making my way in life with the info and support I find here from others new and old. You have helped me greatly, Kate.

I came here three years ago for support and to make friends

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