Can my friend be DFd for dating a non witness and wanting to get married to him

by cognitivedizzy 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • freddo
    "Marked" is the rule.
  • KateWild
    Kate, I'm not sure where you got that information about a "sister" being DF'd- WO

    I was just being devils advocate. Some elders can go to the extreme like they did in my case.

    The point I was making that nothing in WT is fair and you can't count on the rules as some elders make up their own

    Kate xx

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Prefatory disclaimer: I left the WTB&TS in the early 1970s (before Armageddon), so my info may be a bit dated. For all I know Dubs today are worshipping the golden calves of Fred Franz and drinking swine blood on Nisan 14;

    ...but back in my day NO, a person would not be disfellowshipped for dating a non-witness. They WOULD have been considered... er, what's the term? SPIRITUALLY STUPID! That's right, they would have been "marked" as "spiritually stupid" and denied some of the many PRIVILEGES open to them. If they were a chick, the only privilege open to her would be scrubbing the toilet at the Kingdom Hall, and denial of that privilege would cause spiritual suffering which would lead to her repentance.

    ...but that was then...

  • eyeuse2badub

    Another freakin example of the way the borg arbitrarily cherry picks the scriptures and misapplies them. The bible in both 1 and 2 Corinthians provides pretty specific instructions about “marry only in the lord” and “do not become unevenly yoked”. Yet one is seldom if ever df’ed for marrying an unbeliever. Smoke an occasional Cuban, (about which the bible says absolutely nothing) and you’ll be df’ed.

    “To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize!”—Voltaire

    just saying!


  • never a jw
    never a jw

    My wife was a JW in good standing when she started dating me. She got reproved only (couldn't comment in the congregation and something else). But the reason she got reproved is because her sister went to the elders and suggested, with no proof at all, that we may have done something wrong; we never did. The elders also arranged for a speaker from another congregation to give a speech especially dedicated to her. I was there. She was pretty much called "a stain" in the congregation.

    The good thing is that after we married --with nobody from her family attending the wedding-- the circuit overseer came and told off the body of elders for their actions against her. Soon the elders apologized to my wife shielding their guilt with Proverbs 4:18.

    By the way, my wedding was attended by plenty of JW's from my own brother's congregation. There were lots of JW's who knew me and, I guess liked me. In fact, the Big Kahuna, an elder who was a legendary figure for having been a JW for more than 5 decades, having pretty much started the entire Hispanic conversion in the area, part of one the first Gilead class, meeting in person several heavy weight of his time. Well, you get the picture. He offered me personally to be the speaker in my wedding. I declined because I didn't want to cause him any trouble.

    In summary, the reaction against dating worldly people is a grey area, even in the higher levels. I guess some more liberal elders are compassionate and understand JW women fear of becoming spinsters. Others, the chauvinists, are not so compassionate, likely very unattractive too, and want to have a big pool of women to choose from, with no regard for women desires.

    We are still happily married, while a bunch of her JW's relatives who married other JW's have gone through divorce, in some cases more than once. There's even a case of an elder's wife being unfaithful with another elder.

    Caveats: My marriage took place in the U.S. 21 years ago

  • blondie

    scripturally free to remarry--not df if other non-jw person is free to remarry BUT you can be "marked" as bad association

    I married a non-jw but was not df'd but marked

    BUT if they have some "proof" that sexual activity has been engaged in (stayed overight unchaperoned is enough)

    I have no seen brazen conduct applied to this...but some elders make their own rules.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    Disfellowshipped for dating with perhaps marrying an non-JW, No.

    But the local gestapo elder group will likely want to meet with the JW party, whether it's a man or woman and pose the question;

    ''Has fornication took place?''

    This question is posed by two elders. If the answer is ''yes'' to the above question, a JC will be formed with the likelihood of DFing the JW.

    But marrying, no, just total loss of priviledges, maybe a blessing. Then one can fade.

  • Vidiot
    They'd probably have to DF a full third of JW women, which would ultimately have a serious negative impact on the R&F.
  • 3rdgen

    About 10 years ago a sweet 40 something widowed sister from my cong was DFed. Let me give some of the facts so it can be known how heartless elders can be.

    The sister had been married to a brother and had 3 lovely baptized children. He was killed in a car accident coming home from the KH. The family was devastated. The sister was practically catatonic for years. Then at work she met a nice "worldly" man and they went bicycling a few times. Someone saw her with him on the bike trail and reported her to the elders. They called a JC committee.

    She told the brothers she had done nothing wrong. They said she was dating a non believer and admonished her to stop immediately. She continued to ride her bike.... with him. Thus, more JC meetings where she said "but I've done nothing wrong." She was "unrepentant and walking disorderly" which is why she was DFed.

    The silver lining to this story. She married the nice man, moved out of town, never set foot in a KH again and is living happily ever after. :)

  • KateWild

    Exactly what I am saying 3rdgen. I knew there would be an example. It depends on your status in the congregation

    Elders sons can have sex and repent and just get a private reproof. It's all unjust.

    Kate xx

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