Can my friend be DFd for dating a non witness and wanting to get married to him

by cognitivedizzy 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • 3rdgen
    Yes Kate, the point of my story above is that while someone may not be DFed for dating a non baptized person in and of itself, IF they don't STOP when told and act repentant, it snowballzz into the new and improved term "Brazen Conduct." At that point the accused is toast.
  • mana11

    In short it depends where you are, who you are and what your standing is.

    I have even seen those in good standing whom are courting separated at meetings, not allowed to sit together.

    The elder body decided to impose rules that were not written!. They also went to the point of DF if you did not agree.
    After they did this to several couples it was eventually sorted out in a heated meeting with the CO present whom made them go to each couple and apologize for their stupidity. But before that meeting they were about to DF the last couple whom were pioneers! and their father a long standing elder whom they made to step down because of it.

    The politics within the org are REAL and dangerous if you not got your wits about you and good connections when shit hits the fan.


  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Again, dating and marrying a non witness is not officially "brazen conduct." Telling the elders to "F" off and doing it is different. It is considered a matter of the heart and not subject to willful misconduct. I was on a committee which met with a sister who ignored us and married a person I was studying with! (I thought he was a great guy and they would be good together but we HAD to uphold the WT view, its sucked.

    We told her the WT line of reasoning that only a person who has proved themselves to be a faithful brother was worthy. She proceeded to date him till he was baptized. NO reproof. He became an elder some few years after. Recently she was DF'd! Ironic.

    I get the 'devils advocate" Kate but DF is not an official stance. As so many have attested to here its merely a marking issue if it is blatant. Love you Kate, honest. Don't take this as an attack. I always look forward to your comments!

  • wifibandit

    It is not a disfelowshipping matter, per-se. They will give a marking talk.

    2012-Shepherd-The-Flock-Of-God-ks10_E pg 124-125 mentions it:

    2. If the disorderly conduct is generally unknown to others and poses no threat to their spiritual wellbeing, usually it is best to handle things through admonition and counsel. The elders should not be hasty in giving a warning talk. However, if the individual does not see the error of his way but continues to be an unwholesome influence, a warning talk may be given to the congregation.—2 Thess. 3:6, 14, 15; w99 7/15 pp. 29-31; w85 4/15 pp. 30-31.
    • Example—mark for dating an “unbeliever”: The elders should first counsel and try to help a disorderly one. If a person persists in a way that is disturbing and that has the potential for spreading, they may conclude that there would be reason for a warning talk to be given to the congregation.—2 Cor. 6:14; 2 Thess. 3:11, 14; w99 7/15 p. 31.
    • It may be that an individual is dating not an actual ‘unbeliever’ but an unbaptized publisher. In such cases a warning talk may not be needed, depending on the circumstances, on the attitude of the Christian, on the level of disturbance to the congregation, and other factors. Nonetheless, if he is dating with a view to marrying someone who is unbaptized, he is not obeying the Bible’s counsel at 1 Corinthians 7:39 to marry “only in the Lord,” and loving counsel should be given. Elders will use reasonableness and discernment in determining whether a particular situation is sufficiently serious and disturbing to require a warning talk. —od pp. 150-151; w04 7/1 pp. 30-31.

    IF they ignore this council, and the Elders are really mad, THEN they will disfellowship under the catch-all of "Brazen Conduct".

  • ttdtt
    No, that is not a DFing offense in the Flock book. He could be counseled and there could be a talk given about marrying only in the lord mid week.
  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim
    There usually is some talk in the Local Needs part in the midweek meeting. The elder gives some oblique talk about association. Then about dating non-JW's. Then the rank and file is left gossiping about who it might have been. The usually judge the ''spiritually weak'' ones and draw a conclusion from there who it was.
  • johnamos
    Can my friend be DFd for dating a non witness and wanting to get married to him

    If your friend is a HIM as well then YES but if not then NO, just MARKED or private/public reproof...

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