Can my friend be DFd for dating a non witness and wanting to get married to him

by cognitivedizzy 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • cognitivedizzy

    Dear All, need some advice

    In my country one can get DFd for pretty much anything the bullies want to DF you for

    But is there any specific guidelines that state one can or cannot be DFd for marrying a non witness

  • berrygerry

    If the elders "advise" someone to stop dating, courting, etc. anyone, and there is not a stopping, yes, they can, for "brazen conduct."

    (Brazen conduct is anything not covered by anything else.)

    If a Dub up and marries someone without having been advised otherwise, then they should not be DF'd, but they will not earn "privileges" indefinitely.

    (This is, of course, predicated on the Dub being "scripturally free" to marry.)

  • cognitivedizzy

    Well she has already been advised to stop dating , though the other person is expressed his desire to study the Bible and become a JW , so can my friend justget married and show up at the KH with her husband,

    What would eventually happen next because the guy she is dating has no problems become a witness and is kinda confused why the elders are doing this to her

  • mana11

    He would if serious need to meet with the elders and express his desire to join the faith. they wil arrange his study and eventual baptism, after that she would be able to marry him not before.

    Yes she can be dis-fellowshipped as it stands. She is attaching herself to the unbelievers. punishable by death, ie disfellowshipping.

  • Truthexplorer
    If a mega strict body of elders. She would in all likelihood be marked for awhile until after married and things settled down.

    And if he is a good-looking person expect a vicious backlash from the single repressed sister-hood toward the JW girl [yourself?] - This is precisely what happened to my sister + she was then individually shunned by those in congo who felt that she was now not acceptable association + a marking talk was / will be given [this is mandatory for acts of brazen conduct] which means by ought not to associate with this person but you may choose to do so yourself .................

    Historically what happens when someone gets hooked up "out of the Troof" is that the authority structure moves to act quickly as often this sets off a chain reaction within the congo/circuit especially if the JW is popular / well known. And suddenly there is a rush of uneven yokings - Don't be surprised if they even involve a CO etc

    This is a loving organisation ..............dont forget that !

  • KateWild

    I think it varies depending on the body of elders and the JW dating the non JW.

    If it's a son of elder possibly nothing would happen. If it's a single sister with no family and the non JW has been studying for a while and an unbaptised publisher, the sister could be df'd for years and try and get Ri'd numerous time to no avail.

    This is an unfair cult that has management who abuse their positions.

    Take care

    Kate xx

  • joe134cd
    I was under the impression that provided they didn't have sex before marriage the he/she would just be marked. Although I don't know all the facts of this case there was a sister I knew who married a non jw, and she wasn't DFed. Although the shit certainly hit the fan.
  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Kate, I'm not sure where you got that information about a "sister" being DF'd. The answer according to the WT is as follows:

    NO, not for simply marrying an unbeliever. Of course fornication is seen as a possibility if dating a filthy, sexually depraved "worldy" person, hence the panic. If they can avoid fornication before marriage there is no "SERIOUS" sin. As the Shepherding the Flock" book said:

    "Marrying an unbeliever is contrary to Bible principles. (Deut. 7:3,4, 1 Cor. 7:39, 2 Cor. 6:14, 15.)

    If a dedicated, baptized Christian marries and unbeliever, this would result in disqualification from all special privileges for the time being. (1st Tim. blah blah blah)"

    Of course Elders can do what they want but they would have to find something other than dating and marrying an unbeliever in and of itself. Somehow they might invent something to DF your friend for if they don't like her. The "brazen conduct" would not automatically be in play here if she simply marries the guy. She has the right to choose her mate even if it is seen as an unwise choice. She followed God's law in getting married. They cannot trump her right to choose a marriage mate considering she is going to reap the consequences of her choice to "unevenly yoke" with an unbeliever, not them.

  • Saintbertholdt
    But is there any specific guidelines that state one can or cannot be DFd for marrying a non witness

    berrygerry summed it up: "(Brazen conduct is anything not covered by anything else.)"

    After she's been warned its pretty much up to the elders discretion.

    My unwanted advice is as follows:

    1. The sister should state to the elders that she will not marry the young man.

    2. Continue to date the man of her choice privately while feigning a broken heart.

    3. Start to fade. When confronted by the elders she should claim that she is depressed because of the breakup and the pressures of work/study/whatever.

    4. When her fade is complete, switch congregations.

    5. Finally marry her beau and live happily ever after, or discover after a couple of years that he was not the droid she was looking for.

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