Non JW wife/JW husband Christmas tree debate

by spacegirl443 58 Replies latest jw friends

  • Crazyguy

    I don’t know if these scriptures t were brought up by another member but Romans chapter 14 and the book of Colossians both say celebrating a holiday is ok and up to the persons conscience. You can also bring out that the JWs say it’s ok for Mexicans to use a piñata which has pagan orgins back to the Aztecs and sun worship as well as human sacrifice.

    The cult is hypocritical and just takes scriptures they want out of the Bible to make them fit their doctrine ignoring others !

  • Vanderhoven7

    Thanks for sharing how this ended with us. It's great to have positive closure. Spend a lot of your time in the office bedroom to brighten your holiday Gal!

  • carla

    ." Spend a lot of your time in the office bedroom to brighten your holiday Gal!"-yes, like everynight! bring wine

  • Saename

    You can only put up the Christmas tree in your office/spare bedroom? That seems ridiculous to me, but if it works for you... you do you, I do me.

  • spacegirl443

    Saename, I know its not ideal, but it works for now. When we have a house someday, I'll find a place for it that's more in the main part of the house. Its a small victory for me and I'm just trying to embrace it and enjoy my season. Reading back on lots of these posts, most people seemed to think there was no resolution for me.

    I still think the whole thing is crazy, but he's worth the crazy every now and then. I think this was a milestone and a path for our future was paved.

  • _Morpheus

    Spacegirl, please dont misunderstand. Its not that i (or anyone else i think) dosent see a resolution for you... this is exactly what we saw. At best a “solution” where you get ... something. Maybe a small tree under the bed. Maybe a twig in the closet.

    The ultimate point being his cult decided for you. Frankly it makes no difference in the life of anyone here except you. We just wanted you to be aware of what you have gotten into. A life of struggling with his cults rules.

    We will be here for you when it gets stressful again.

  • Giordano

    Congratulations to you were able to work something out that satisfied both of you.

    The part of him you loved first is the person who was not a witness....... the part of him, hopefully you will continue to love, is the part of him who has returned to being a witness but will acknowledge that you have different beliefs and that compromises will be needed by both of you.

    He may once again reject his faith........ but the day by day at this time needs to be made up of small gestures of respect and big gestures of love. He is in a high control religion and you are not. Having regained his family relations he may relax his beliefs to a minimum and you may have to help him or support him in a dignified retreat.

    He needs to understand that the marriage comes first not his family or old JW friends.

    Take it a day at a time and see where you are in the near future.

    We are here for you and the numbers of X JW forum participants collectively have a thousand years of experience dealing with this religion and it's problems.

    I know that what we all want is a successful and loving life for you.

    We get one shot at this life.......... so let's make sure we get something out of it. Starting with respect, love, encouragement, and those we care about.

  • Incognito


    Happy you reached a compromise, at least for this Christmas.

    It's a small victory for me

    None of us want to create conflict between you as it's wonderful that you both found love, but, marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership.

    Your husband wasn't a practicing JW while you were courting as he didn't decide to return to that religion until after you were married. Did he discuss with you before returning, how his decision to return could (will) impact you?

    You are the woman he first accepted and fell in love with, celebrations and all. Since Christmas has been a lifelong tradition and remains important for you, and although you haven't changed your religion, beliefs or views of the holiday, it seems you are continually making compromises for the religion he decided to return to.

    I didn't say compromise for 'him' or his 'beliefs' since any changes to JW beliefs as dictated by Watchtower, he is expected to immediately change his views to comply with.

    As he was well aware and accepted you celebrate various holidays which you would be continuing to celebrate after marriage, what compromise has he really made for you?

    Although you had both agreed to individually observe and practice your own beliefs, you now consider an ability to have a Christmas tree in a secondary (hidden) room in your residence, a small victory.

    What compromises for the JW religion will you be making next, while considering what little you can do in a hidden manner, without support or the ability to enjoy these occasions with your husband, as a victory?

  • MissFit

    Hi Spacegirl:

    So what are your Christmas plans?

    What a beautiful tree. I hope you had fun decorating it. Are you going to decorate the whole room too? Is there a window you can put the tree by so you can see it from the outside? I never celebrated christmas as a child but i loved looking at the lit trees displayed in the windows.

    Wouldnt it be cool if you could put wheels on your tree? You could wheel it out when he is gone and enjoy it and then wheel it back to the other room when he is home. Win win. Or since this is the 21st century, you could put a camera in the room and look at your tree on it whenever you want.

    I really do understand your husbands reluctance to have a tree in full view. He would be feeling like he was participating just by it looking at it. Apperances are very important to a JW. He does not want anyone to even think he is condoning or participating in any way. It was very loving of you to agree to his sacrifice um compromise.

    When i was still mentally in and married to a non JW, one of my compromises was to "let" my mother in law send presents to my children as long as she didn't gift wrap them or say Merry Christmas.

    And i would wait until after Christmas to give it to them.

    It is all about being able to justify it.

    To really understand him, research and read threads here about disfellowshipping. He went through that once, and it is still fresh on his mind.

    Has he ever talked about it?

    Best wishes. We are rooting for you. Please pop in and let us know how you are doing.

    We are here for you.

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