Non JW wife/JW husband Christmas tree debate

by spacegirl443 58 Replies latest jw friends

  • Cimarrona


    I truly feel for you. I've never been married to a JW or otherwise, but growing up, I closely observed a few "mixed" marriages (most often with JW wife/non-JW husband) and can tell you that (1) peace and harmony are, at best, fleeting if not altogether non-existent and (2) there is absolutely no respect by the mate or their JW family/friends for the beliefs of non-JW partner - THE GOAL IS ALWAYS TO CONVERT. PERIOD. Ironically (to JWs at least), of my four older sisters, my sister who married a non-JW is the only one whose marriage lasted more than five years (and is still going reasonably strong). When I was a teenager opening up to my parents about my romantic interests and such and talking to my mother about her romantic past leading up to my father, in relation to my non-JW brother in law, she said that him being a good husband/father was a tool of the devil to mislead us into association with worldly people. You hear me, Spacegirl? She said the only reason that a man who she'd known upwards of ten years at this point would treat her daughter and grandchildren well is because of the devil. And let me tell you - on the JW spectrum, my mother is a liberal leaning moderate. Be careful.

  • Xanthippe

    Hi Spacegirl. If I've read this correctly you've given up your career and moved to be with your husband. He doesn't want to have children because there are paedophiles in his family!

    I find this very worrying. You seem to be required to give up everything for him, career, children, now your Christmas tree. You want to be a good wife and think of his needs? I think you've done nothing else but think of his needs. You're in trouble, dear, I'm afraid. I'm really sorry to be so blunt but you seem to be losing yourself here.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    A compromise...ask husband if he will mind if you put a nice large photograph of a Xmas tree up on the wall. See how he handles that one.

    Next step..a crucifix on the wall behind your bed!

  • Onager

    Hi Spacegirl, oh boy you are in a pickle!

    All you need to know at the moment is that your husband's religion is crazy. Keep the discussion really simple, which will be hard because he will try and drag it all over the place. Your points could be something like:

    You do not have the same religious beliefs.

    A house is a shared space where both partners should feel equally at home.

    you're not prepared to compromise on the Christmas tree and he needs to accept that if you are to feel that where you live is your home.

    You have given up birthdays, Easter, having children(!!) for him. Is he prepared to give this up for you?

    Stick to your few points, don't get distracted by arguments about pagan origins, don't get sidetracked down waffle alley and don't give in!

    Once you get through this I'm afraid it's not going to get easier. The organisation will always be interfering. There will always be some issue unless you roll over and become a JW (and give up your free will and thinking ability). DON'T DO THAT!!!

  • freddo

    Spacegirl. That quote from the 1960 Watchtower by "The Fall Guy" is genuine and is on their 2014 CD ROM (CD ROM watchtowers go back to 1950 - on line to 2000).

    It is genuine and can be used. When I was an elder in elders school it was mentioned back in the 1990's.

    WT publications are to a JW like Garlic is to a vampire. IF THEY HAVEN'T BEEN SUPERCEDED BY "NEW LIGHT"!

    This old quote has never been superceded and when used in conjunction with the July 2009 WT about religious freedom is a powerful antidote when used by a UBM. Here it is ...

    *** Awake July 2009 p. 29 Is It Wrong to Change Your Religion? ***

    Although the Bible makes a clear distinction between true and false teachings, God allows each person the freedom to choose how he or she will respond. (Deuteronomy 30:19, 20) No one should be forced to worship in a way that he finds unacceptable or be made to choose between his beliefs and his family. Does study of the Bible lead to family breakup? No. In fact, the Bible encourages a husband and wife who practice different religions to remain together as a family.—1 Corinthians 7:12, 13.

  • freddo


    I put these quotes up not so you can attack your husband but so that he has ammunition if and when he consults his elders or if they stick their noses in.

    I would use WT publications freely to go against jw unwritten traditions that may impact on your marital happiness.

    Best of luck!

  • darkspilver

    spacegirl443 - yes, that quote is correct.

    It is from a Watchtower, and can be found on the JW's CD library

    Although it is dealing primarily with children, the principle would apply even when there are no children, because the principle is 'granting the wife her freedom of worship'.

    Although the article is old, I believe the principle should still stand today.

    Watchtower, December 1, 1960, page 735

    Questions From Readers: What Scriptural principles guide in the training of children in homes where one parent is a dedicated Christian witness of Jehovah and the other is not?

    According to the Scriptures the husband and father is the head of the home. If he is a dedicated Christian witness of Jehovah it is his responsibility to see that his family receives spiritual as well as material provisions. (1 Tim. 5:8) Even if his wife is an unbeliever, he must see to it that his children receive proper Christian education and training both at home and at the Kingdom Hall, and he should do all that he can to help his wife see the truth of God’s Word. At the same time he ought to grant his wife freedom to worship God her own way, and she may at times insist on taking the children to her place of worship. Granting her freedom of worship may even mean letting her have a Christmas tree in one room of the house during that season, although the believing husband would not let other rooms of the house or its outside be decorated. By thus extending freedom of worship to his wife he shows that he loves her as he loves himself.—Eph. 5:28, 29.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I just read through all of the posts. As you can see, there is an abundance of (worldly) wisdom here!!!

    What Freddo posted is TERRIFIC INFO! Using the WT Publications is even better than using the Bible when arguing discussing things with a JDub, because they will claim that anyone can "twist the scriptures" to their point of view, but with the WT Pubs you already have their twisted point of view and if it harmonizes with your position then they cannot argue the point unless they are going against their "spirit directed organization". (God writes the WT, ya know! LOL)

    If you do all the compromising on this, you will be the one and only big loser now and forever.


  • never a jw
    never a jw

    Welcome Spacegirl!

    This is the beginning of a new journey into the world of JW's. You will learn a lot, as I did four years ago.

    Full disclosure: I am a 52 y.o. atheist married to a JW woman for 23 years. For many years I liked the religion because all the members were good behaving, and even loving people. That idea changed four years ago when I did a research on the "religion" (actually is a cult run by goons, almost as bad as scientology). I don't like adults imprisoned in a cult, but I can live with it. However, children is a whole different thing. They are innocent victims. Don't have any children with this man unless you have the firm conviction that you WILL NOT raise them as JW's.

    Regarding your relationship, don't use my 23 year happy marriage as a comforting reason for your future. I am a man. You are a woman. As a woman, you are screwed in a patriarchal cult. Sorry for the bluntness, but you have to get ready.

  • never a jw
    never a jw

    Has anyone posted the video where Geoffrey Jackson made a reference to Christmas before the Royal Commission??. Your husband should watch it. I hope he does, and then continues watching everything else that took place in those hearings.

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