by Tech49 49 Replies latest jw friends
Great thread!
Been through the same experience, and wholeheartedly agree that the wisest thing is to NOT play into the power - play games...
Simply keep calmly reminding them of "appropriate boundaries", and keep your dignity.
The only power they have is the power WE allow them......
To Kate:
They wanted to "chat" about us willfully associating with DF and DA family members. And that we were "evidently" ignoring WT counsel regarding the same.
So we just ignored them, didnt even acknowledge them, and their little brains cant take it. They are furious with us right now, and cant fathom the idea that we are refusing to "discuss" this "important matter" with them.
Ironically, we had one family member who has not spoken to his JW daughter in years, tell us that this family get together was huge for him. He knows the position we have put ourselves in, but is so grateful to be able to reconnect with his daughter...our decision to put aside WT rules has meant more to him than years of shunning ever would or did. He cried like a little baby.
And that is what moves people's hearts, kindness and love , not this stupid shunnning business. He will never go back to the "Truth", but he will have a relationship with his daughter now.
And I will continue to ignore these fake "police" elders.
On a side note, the one elder friend that talked to me early on to give me the heads up....he hasnt seen his son or grandkids in over 25 years. Shunning at its finest!
Good point tech.....
Yet that recent book with the picture of the shepherd and the lamb was supposed to demonstrate true love and kindness from God.....
Seems the elders missed that meeting part
If you want to have some fun with them show up with your own microphone on Sunday. Make sure yours is bigger than theirs.
Great post. Definitely an empowering moment when you realize that there is no reason to fear them. They only have the power over you that you allow them to have. In reality they have less authority than a crossing guard.
I remember the moment when I realized that my family's personal life was none of their goddamn business...
x
...it was quite the paradigm shift.
I agree with your handling of things. We have done things a little bit differently.
1. I told who I had to no more TMS, microphones, etc. I stopped that all myself.
2. I deleted myself in between CO visits. The presiding overseer (then) told me it was okay for me to attend the KM school anyhow, because the CO said it was okay. No announcement has been made yet. I told him (and the body) what I would be doing. That's the announcement as far as I am concerned.
3. When one of the Elders sees me at the KH and tells me that he and another Brother want to talk with me, I ask "Is this about a judicial matter?" They tell me no. Then I tell them, "I would prefer not to meet, but thank you for the invitation." It ends there.
The fact that they have no control or power over me drives them crazy.
Just a bump to repeat this fine bit of advice from the O.P :
" So the lesson in this, for you lurkers and fence riders is this..... don't let them take your power. You don't owe these fools anything. They are window washers, toilet scrubbers, and retirees with a title. And its only a title if YOU LET IT BE ONE! Ignore them, and see their heads spin circles! Don't get your stomach tied up in knots. Live your life and tell busybodies to mind their own business, and just to leave you alone!
It works. It might not be your first instinct, and it might not feel natural, and it may not be easy... but it will work !! "
It is truly empowering to take back control. I strongly urge anyone in this type of situation to do the same. Dont play by their made-up "rules". They deserve ZERO "power" over anyone, so don't give it to them. Suddenly they become a deflated balloon, lacking anything resembling a spine. When you tell them NO, they bounce around like crazy chickens, crashing into walls, and doing alot of "clucking". And thats about all they can do.
I learned to apply a general rule of thumb that we use to run our business.... If you disrespect us, or cause us detriment in any way.... I wont waste my time with you, I dont care what your "title" is, how old you are, or what kind of "privileges" you have. I have better things to do, and a family to give our reciprocal love to, a family and REAL friends who appreciate kind consideration and have respect for one another...
....Less authority than a school crossing guard....EXACTLY.
and thanks for the bump PHIZZY
