I really don't have a problem with anyone(eg: Craig or Pork Chop or In_Between_Days) NOT feeling violent--- that is the whole point I was trying to make.....
WHATEVER you FEEL is ok. As long as it is not acted out in a way that harms anyone. I was objecting to the accusation that I was the only one who felt like this and was therefore some kind of monster. This was made even after I explained that I don't always feel this way! that was unfair and I considered it mean and an insult. It hurt my feelings even more. What I was trying to get acrossed was that when you start telling people how they SHOULD feel you get right back into the JW trap. You just have no clue how much I go outof my way in real offline life to be kind and giving---that is one of my biggest problems! I give so much that I give myself away and let others take advantage!
And I hope I have not hurt anyone elses' feelings with my comments about children, especially Prisca.
But I have a different view of life in general than most, and I know this. Maybe it comes from 3 NDEs and living with a chronic disease since I was 2 that has caused me to face death so many times I can't count anymore. But I don't think death is the end of it all. I just don't. And for me there are some people who are living today who in my opinion would be better off if they just cut their loses and accepted failure this time around. That does not mean I would ever actively participate in their starting over(death and reincarnation are REAL options to me)--but I do not have the same fear or sense of permanence when I consider such issues as abortion or murder or euthanasia as most people. For instance my mother.
My mother was the child of rape, born in 1928. She was taken from her mother and raised by her great aunt. Her mother married within a year and had 5 more children. She lived down the road from her, but never went home with her. Her earliest memory of her mother is of her coming to visit and embroidering and sending my mother in the house for some red thread. My mother tells of how excited she was to do this because she had just learned her colors and she was so proud to be able to show her mother the new knowledge. When she found the red and came back out with it, her mother was gone. It was trick- her mother sent her back in the house so she would not see her leave because my mother always threw a tantrum and carried on when she could not go with her. My mom was 3 yrs old. My mother started working in a factory when she was 16. She was engaged twice and they did not work out. When she was 25 she met a 17 year old punk who fell in love with her and became obsessed. She finally accepted his proposal because she thought it was the best she could do, all her friends were married with children by then. What she didn't know was that his obsession was the tell-tale beginnings of schizophrenia. After 9 yrs of trying to have a child unsuccessfully, she found out she had premalignant ovarian cysts.
She had 1 and 3/4 of the other ovaries removed. Miraculously in 6 weeks she got pregnant with me. By this time my schizo father had found religion and he decided to obsess out about that. His mother was a JW and he became SUPER-JW. He was in and out of mental hospitals, working night shift, and she was having a hard pregnancy. After I was born, she had post-partum depression. They moved next door to his mother so someone could take care of the baby. She treated me the same way her mother treated her--she didn't know any differently. 5 years later my sister was born very sick. She had spinal-meningitis and was mentally and physically affected. At age 2 I started having seizures and my health battles began. All this with a schizo husband who was a religious fanatic and lived a double life cheating on her. Her life was hell for the next 35 years. Then after their 35th anniversary(she stayed with him because JWs told her to) he left her for a younger woman and in order to stay in good standing claimed that she was a lesbian and that he 'caught' her having sex with her best friend of 50 yrs(non-JW). This ruined her reputation to such an extent that the only friend she had, after 50 yrs of friendship, rarely sees her now and all her nonJW family invite my father and his wife to the reunions and not my mother! He did not have to destroy her--but he did. My mother now lives with my disabled sister and her two teen age boys in a hopeless situation in a house falling down around her ears, in constant chaos and violence,--she is 75 yrs. old. She still treats me like she was treated. She won't let me help her, I have not seen her in 4 yrs now and she has never seen any of the homes I lived in, nor does she call me--I have to call her about once every couple of weeks.
Now you can give me all the platitudes you want, but life is not a greeting card. My mother's life sucks. She did not accomplish anything that could not have been accomplished in some other way with less grief and sadness. I would have been born no matter if it had been to her or someone else. I truly believe that. And I have prayed for my mother to die since I was 4 years old, because of all her pain and misery and the pain and misery she could not help but pass on. I see death as a release, relief, ooportunity to try again. So when I say things like 'let them all die'-including children- I am not talking about the end of existence. I am only talking about the end of this existence. It is out of my pain and suffering and empathy I say these things. I feel that some are better off dead, this time around. And for the people who tell me I SHOULD NOT make such judgements---hogwash. Everytime you step on a bug you make a "judgement". You cannot go thru life and not make judgements, you would have no value system or opinion or standards at all. The 'don't judge' crowd in my judgement, are just cop outs who refuse to see reality. I don't believe in the Ten Commandments or the Golden Rule(or the Law of Three or the Wiccan Rede for that matter) I believe I do have the "right" to judge by virtue of the fact that I am alive and carry the Divine spark(however that translates to you---'in god's image' maybe?) and anyone who needs to have there code dictated and enforced by someone else is passing the proverbial buck of personal responsibilty.
so I hope that explains somethings, I am not asking for anyone's approval, nor am I condemning(people get condemning and judging mix up all the time BTW) anyone elses' opinions(safe word for 'judgements'). it is just me.