Why do ones that got out come back in?
I agree that some also come back to the religion because they can't hack it in the "world". They can thank the religion for this because it makes mental cripples out of people there.
@steve2 I'm thinking back to the womb, for many years jws would refer to wts as "mother"
re. the OP...
DFed people sometimes go back*...
...faders, however, - by definition - don't nearly as often as you might think.
Almost never, actually.
*Not as much lately, it seems... some of us have come to suspect that the Org doesn't actually want XJWs - of any stripe - to return.
Why do ones that got out come back in?
My thoughts (from personal experience and what worked for me) - get very serious and determined about leaving, then leave, then get yourself DF'd or write a letter of disassociation.
Fading just makes it too easy to go back in those moments of doubt or loneliness or fear.
My mother is afraid every day that I'll go back to the Witnesses (9 months since I left). That concerns me because she's been right about a lot of things about me. But when the odd fleeting thought crosses my mind, I quickly dismiss it. I've been afraid to even look at the possibility. But now when I look at it head-on, I guess I'm afraid that somewhere deep inside there are these longings that will catch up with me and drag me back in. And then I look at my life now and my life then, and this one is so much better! And when I think about the process of being re-instated, well, no thanks!
In a nutshell, this is what's been working for me to keep me out.
I lead with my heart and my heart can often get me in trouble. I remind myself to examine what my heart seems to be telling me, and then listen to my head. That's t where my intelligence lies, that's where good decision making happens.
I must add, I'm 71 and my mother just turned 98. She's amazing, and I like to think I'm getting to be much like her! Love you, Mom! She's not very well these days, in and out of the hospital, and we don't live close enough that I can just go see her. But we speak on the phone almost daily, and she's still sharp as a tack, thank goodness!
Thanks for this thread!! It prompted me to write after several months of silence. - LNO
"The familiar peace-loving, cordial, happy community keeps many not wanting to let go."
Its the lack of peace-loving, cordial and happy community that I see in the congregations that has seen me not attend for over 2 years now.
The judgemental attitude of ones in the congregation and making you feel like an outcast when you have been there for over 40 years just because you are not their sort! By their sort I mean "show display" types that like to drink wine and talk out of their behinds.
The fact that you can have surgery and be home all alone for months without ever once getting a phone call, a visit or even a text message "where are you, are you okay?".
The fact that a person can knock on your door and complete their watchtower presentation and not even recognise you as a person from their hall and you have spoken to them before at the hall.
The fact that your next door neighbours children get asked to go to the beach with the kids in the congregation and your own don't get asked purely because they can count their time at the beach if they are taking interested ones along. That's love right there! (insert sarcasm)
JWs do not know how to be a true friend. They are your "friend" as long as you attend the meetings and go out door knocking but as soon as that stops so does their friendship.
I have been raised a JW. In my late 40s and I do not have even 1 friend that cares if I am alive or dead from the congregation. I do however have friends that I have made along the way "worldly" ones who do.
Your post directly above reminds me of why I'm not there anymore! I almost forgot what it's like.
The last thing you said was sobering: that nobody in the whole hall cared if you were dead or alive. I'm sure you are exaggerating a bit. If somebody as unpopular as I was had one or two who liked me a little, I'm sure some liked you as well. They are just too cowardly to be friendly with somebody not active in the religion.
I also think that some people who go running back to the religion have forgotten how bad it was. The same conditions still exist that made them walk out in the first place. They will experience deja vu with a rude awakening soon enough.
Generally speaking:...people go back because they want association with family/friends;..some world condition like 9/11 scares them back;..they never purged themselves of the teachings;..they never learned how to function in the world with a real job and need to be in a controlled environment like the hall where people are "polite" to them and put up with their mental problems...People in the world won't do that. They don't give a shit about your phobias, conscience matters and autoimmune diseases - the usual stuff Witnesses think they are going to inflict on everybody around them!
This is a very nice venting venue.
Hey, just keeping it real according to my experience.
Nothing will ever be perfect.
The Spanish JW experience is soooooo different than what I read here.
I certainly cannot relate to the bitterness felt by some here.
If you are referring to my post directly above, I am very much relaxed as an almost 17 year "fader".
As far as "keeping it real", everything I said is true and I would swear it on a Bible. I'm not trying to drag you (or anybody) out of the religion since you are comfortable there. But, I do feel you are unrealistic and in denial about the experiences of the posters on the forum.
You can call people bitter and some are. Others are just telling it like it is.