Hi Scarlett, It is kinda crazy when you first 'wake up.' You might feel you have to all kinds of things fast. I researched, researched, researched. I had to tell people at work what happened to me, etc.
Just know that with time, things settle down. Learn from the experience of others who have left.
Also, I grew up in JWville from the age of 5. I am 65 now, I left in 2011. I was there for the "stay alive till 75" (Star Wars came out in 77ish, and I hoped Armageddon wouldn't come before the next movie, haha)... "you will never grow old in this system" (Wow, here I am... 65) "don't go to college, by the time you finish Armageddon will be here, and you'll never be able to use it" (I was 14, I would have definitely been able to use a college education"
The WT is evil to guilt people into things. It is a cult. High control, that is why all of your feelings of "it's wrong to live with someone I am not married to" comes into your head. Why can't you? The Bible? Who says the Bible is right? Research how the 'Bible' was discovered. They found all kinds of 'books' in that cave. Not all of the 'books/scrolls' were included in the final Bible, and who decided? Catholic monks? Wow! and JW's accept that. Why would the Bible have to be hidden away for so many years? Why couldn't God just make it appear? He is, after all, sooooo powerful.
Our brains were trained in so many ways to 'just accept' what we heard, right? "Jehovah's people are the smartest people on earth", clap, clap, clap... I remember, at the end, thinking it so weird to hear people clap at conventions at the stupidest little remarks. In 2010(?) the remark was made about Harold Camping, how he predicted (a few times, in our day) how he figured out when Armageddon would come. The last one being, can't remember exactly, but close to 2010. "How dumb is that? The Bible says "no one knows the date or the hour", everyone laughed, and laughed and clapped. Then he goes onto explain about overlapping generations... Weird, huh?
Meeting with elders... think about it, don't fear it, but.... I once met with "the elders" in a room of 10. I had been seeking help from friends, and the elders thought I shouldn't be telling everyone my life. I got yelled at, could not escape (a Sunday meeting was going on in the outside room) cried so loud, a knock at the door and the Spanish brothers were asking "can you keep it down?", I couldn't.... but didn't want anyone to see who was crying, so I was stuck. The 'elder in charge'... a guy who drove a garbage truck, yelled "Look at me" Look at me! " I got PTSD, and nightmares of that for over a year. Nowadays, I could handle it... but back then, I was surprised and very vulnerable. If you can't handle being spoken to in a mean or controlling way, or your nerves can't handle it, don't do it. You have no obligation to talk to MEN... they are JUST men, remember that.... they aren't psychologists, mentors, trained to help, they are ordinary people that the WT uses to control the masses. Really.
Also, after time, this all just seems like a bad dream. Be glad you are in your twenties. You have a great future ahead of you. Even me, tho 65, I am sooooooooo glad to live like this: free. I don't need to feel guilty about what I watch on TV, read on the internet, dance like, go to a concert, etc. I can do anything I like. I am not a bad person, I am a free person. Guilt is the blood that the WT vampire needs to suck out of you to control you.
Picture another cult... Amish? where you have to wear certain clothes, can't use modern machines, etc. You have no problem seeing the control there, right? View the WT just like that, and it will help broaden your ability to escape.
Go live with your friend if you want, don't if you don't want to. It's up to you. Or,live with him and don't have sex. Options, options, options. You have them all.
Your mom..... Unfortunately, nowadays, the WT has tightened it's grip and cinched up the knot that ties people in ever more. I feel like people's brains are even smaller, and they are more inclined to "love their rules" even more. Rules make people feel righteous, important. It might be like living in the days of "kill the witches, she's a witch, she's a witch". Yikes.
My mom is a JW in her 80's. She needed me (an 'out exJW) to help her clean up her yard and house so the city would not kick her & my dad (a non JW who was a hoarder, and had alzheimer's -tho at the time, we didn't know) for over a year, every weekend!
She was nice, spoke to me, spoke to my husband who WAS DF'd for testifying at a child sex abuse case, and my sister who had left (never baptized) but when the job was done, that was IT! She didn't need me or my sister or my husband. When I came to visit my dad, she opened the door and said, "You know the rules, You know the rules". (which meant she couldn't talk to me) I told her I wasn't there to see her, but visit dad, and she let me in. Then Covid came in March of this year, I couldn't visit (lockdown) but my JW sister could (to 'help') and by May, I got a call from my DF'd niece in Scotland, 'My dad (an elder) said grandpa is really sick, not doing well, you should see him soon". My sister & I went the day after, he looked like a pile of bones, and he couldn't talk. I told him we were there to say we love him, and want to say good bye, an 30 seconds later, he let out his last breath.
My mom didn't tell me. My sisters didn't tell me... my DF'd niece did. Then, did they ask if I wanted any of dad's things? nope, they were giving them to 'the congregation'. OMG!
So, moral of the story? Don't count on any JW for anything. They have been trained. I have talked to so many Ex-JW's.... the same thing... Things have really tightened up.
Your mom MIGHT be different, but don't count on it. Be prepared.
Life outside of the organization is GREAT!!! You have your own mind! Your time can be spent as YOU wish, no more "treadmill, hamster wheel" time for the WT! YAY! No more studying, repeating, brainwashing! YAY! You will LOOOOOVVVVEEE it!
You are FFFRRRREEEEEEEEEEE!
Enjoy!
