*** UPDATE 2020/11/21 ****
Hello people,
Some time ago I made my first on this forum after I have just woken up.
I was very scared and honestly I am still amazed from the fact that I am still getting replies in the old thread.
Here is the link to my previous thread: link
First thing's first I would like to begin this update with a great word of acknowledgement to each and every one of you that provided me support upon the beginning of this stressfull period in my life. To each and every one of you: Thank you
I would like to begin by saying that my mother reported my situation to one of the "lesser" elders. By lesser I mean to describe this guy as a complete tool that got the privilege of having a power position over indoctrinated people. Like, I am by no means exagerating... the guy is a complete tool and a very laughable man.
I am completely aware that by now all the elders now know of my situation and that I have been 100% marked.
The first phone call
This elder whom my mother has talked with called one morning and made me the usual routine questions: "do I still believe in Jehovah?", "Do I still view the GB as the faithful and discreet slave?", yada yada yada.
I answered positively to all his questions even though I was lying just as damage control.
I shouldn't have taken the call because he tapped into my fear instincts and reccomended me to watch this video.
His whole premise is that this video displays very inteligent people such as a psychologist/theologist, a guy that used to study in a seminar, etc...
Watching this video made me question whether this organization really had the truth and maybe that I was being lied to by apostate material I have read online, because... it wouldn't be possible for inteligent people to join this organization knowing that it wasn't the truth right?
Wrong! After some days I realized that that video doesn't tell the whole story, that most likely those experiences are fabricated or deeply exagerated and that is the usual WT$ propaganda video to strengthen their followers indoctrination or attempt to recruit poor souls.
Meetings
Since this phone call I ceased to attend meetings. I still attend to some, here and there, just to make my mother happy. But the truth is, I cannot not see the meetings for what they are now: "Weekly indoctrination sessions where the same talking-points are repeated over, and over, and over... *sigh*... and over again, just to strike fear into our hearts and making the congregation stand in line, like the sheep we all are (or were )".
As of this update I have ceased to attend the meetings but of course there have been some repercussions.
Relationship with my mother
My relationship with my mother is really bad now. All we do is engage in hateful discussions with one another and she ends up crying because she really believes that I am getting destroyed in Armaggedon. Whilst I feel pity for her, because she has been indoctrinated, I cannot stand this shit anymore. I am a female in my mid 20s and I want to finally live my live for what it is while I am still young. Altough I don't want to lose my mother, even though I probably will which makes me very sad.
My father is completely on her side and I feel lost. I live under their ceiling. I have a job, but I do not feel that I can live on my own in a new home because the organization has destroyed my confidence and put me down for 20+ years.
I don't plan on sticking in this wretched cult anymore, my home environment is really, really dark at the moment, I feel alone, and this makes me very stressful. I haven't slept for weeks. In the future I plan on leaving my parent's home and cutting every tie with the religion. I don't think my parents have the nerve to shun me because I have been a very good daughter to them. In the near future I plan on getting psycological help and counseling.
My job
One thing that is bad, is that whilst my job pays good, I am stuck with a super fanatical jw from my congregation whom I was friends with and I cannot stand that person anymore. I fucking hate that person which is making me to consider to leave my job to one farther away. Whilst this would be a good thing, I hate driving. I think that person should be the one having a problem with me and not the other way around, but I feel like I don't want to stand around that jw anymore, because I plan on cutting ties to this religion in the near future. I still am figuring out what to do with regard to my job.
The second phone call
After some weeks, that complete tool of an elder called again. This time I had already consume tons, like literally, tons of apostate material. The more I read the more I was convinced the WT$ doesn't have the truth, and never had. The more I knew it was just a very destructive cult and this gave me more confidence. I realized that the WT$ are just like those crazy people on the street with cardboard signs, saying the end is nigh, yet just wearing a suit and tie because it makes them more credible. This also made me see that the elders don't have any power over me. The conversation went as follows:
- He said he wanted to talk.
- I said, you want to talk? Let's talk them
- We spent hours on the phone
- He couldn't give me any answer to my questions about the WT$ lies in many subjects but "this are the way things are"
- At one point he tried to convince me, with his "loving intentions of course", to add another elder to our call so the two of them could help with my "counceling" (that snidy motherfucker was getting the table set for a second witness)
- I obviously understood what he wanted to each I replied "You know what (elder's name)? I don't think I don't need another elder. Do you think that is really necessary? I don't".
- His argument was that we were both "single witnesses" chatting for a while on the phone which is very inappropriate as of JW standards (again, what a snidy motherfucker that guy is).
- He was completely baffled
- At one point I even lectured him on stuff he knew nothing about, but of course pretended he knew
- Most of the time he could not reply
- I ended up saying "we have been chatting for a long time don't you think? I'll call you whenever I need your help again, if I need your help"
- I hung up the phone
I still giggle to this day. I never thought I had this level of confidence in me to completely wipe the floor with a "elder of Jehovah's congregation" but I did.
Conclusion
I have some plans in my life for the near future:
- Getting mental health counseling
- Reading more "apostate material"
- The more I read, the more I know that this is all lies, even though sometimes I can't sleep because I still have that crazy fear of armaggedon in my
- Getting my mind away from the cult as much as possible and recreate myself as a WT-free person
In the future:
- Plan on getting my own houser.
- Plan on disassociate myself from the cult and never look back upon my old life.
- Try to have new friends and probably reactivate older friendships from college that I had completely failed-on because they were "worldy" people
- Plan on switching jobs
Post-Scriptum
I am still feeling kinda confused, please send me suggestions! There is still many stuff I haven't accounted and I still don't know how to lead a normal life, even though I have been learning and I am actually having fun for the first time!