HELP!! Just Woken Up - Fanatical Mom wants to report me

by Scarlett_Martin 38 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  stan livedeath

  hello Scarlett--welcome to the forum.

  first off--youve already got the difficult bit out of the way--telling your mum...and--she hasnt "thrown you out" yet. Just ask her for more time till you can afford to get a place of your own...if thats what you want. In other words--take control of the situation.

  What kind of person is your dad ? Do you have a good close relationship with him ? Is he likely to be supportive towards you if you talk to him ? Or is he a typical JW fringe male--going along with it because he likes ma's cooking ?

  as regards the window cleaners--the elders--sure--if they want to meet with you--agree to it. find out for yourself what they want. just dont tell them your thoughts and feelings.

  if they decide to d/f you--fine--see what effect that has on your dad--and mum. might be just what they need.

  do stay in touch with us.
• 

  snapdragon4

  Hello Scarlett

  Anna Martin is absolutely correct - the only authority the elders have over you is what YOU give them. Give them NOTHING. Play your cards right and you can manage this situation on your terms.
  

  Let me tell you about my experience.

  When I woke up I simply stopped attending meetings. This prompted a visit from a concerned elder. Fair enough, I appreciated the interest and I really liked the guy. However, I simply explained I was taking a sabbatical from attending meetings for personal, private reasons.My elder friend inquired as to what those reasons were but here's the point - it's absolutely none of anyone's business but yours! I thanked him for his interest but restated the reasons were personal and private.

  Some time later I was approached again by other elders and asked if I still considered myself a Jehovah's Witness - a loaded question! I simply replied my sabbatical was still ongoing and it was not a question I wished to discuss. Hence I left on my terms i.e. fading, not theirs i.e. disfellowshipping or deeming you disassociated.

  I know that as a young woman brought up in a patriarchal society you may feel pressured to answer intrusive elders' questions but simply play a straight bat and politely refuse to engage in any discussion. By denying what was discussed with your mother you are lying, by refusing to discuss you are untouchable.

  The ultimatum from your mother was to speak to the elders or she would. You could agree to that on the basis that if you did she wouldn't. Then simply advise the elders you're taking a sabbatical as above (you've probably noticed I've been missing meetings but don't worry I'm simply taking a sabbatical to think through my beliefs) which will enable you to inform your mother that you've met with them and resolved the situation. Of course your mother may break your agreement and go behind your back. If she does remind her she's broken your agreement and you're very disappointed in her lack of integrity but in any event you needn't respond to any elder demands as you've already removed yourself from the elders' supposed authority.

  Finally your computer and phone are your private property, make sure they are both password protected.

  Good luck

  Snapdragon
• 

  Betheliesalot

  Since you have just recently finished college, why not try to use their job placement to find a good paying job in your field of study. Just a thought and go from there. Take baby steps, by investigating how much an apartment costs, learn to cook simple meals
• 

  stan livedeath

  buy mom and dad the dvd film " apostacy" !
• 

  Scarlett_Martin

  Hello,

  Thank you all for your overwhelming support. I am feeling much better today thanks to your advice.

  I don't plan on staying within the Watchtower's grasp for long.

  I am still vulnerable since I've just recently woken up. I will give myself some time to develop confidence within myself (I never had any) and to further investigate Watchtower's lies and settle within myself the fact that I've been lied to for all this time. It's still a tough pill to swallow, but I think I will manage.

  I don't plan on giving the elders any authority over me, and I will avoid talking to them. If they somehow come after me and force me into talking to them I won't disclose anything to them and will refuse to engage in any discussion. Like @snapdragon4 said, whilst I am regrouping my feelings and strength's within myself, I will avoid them at all costs, to prevent them to exploit me whilst being vulnerable.

  Furthermore, I will give them "I'm taking a sabbatical year to strengthen my faith" excuse so I can take time to understand how I will proceed and further confirm to myself how the Watchtower is a destructive cult which rules by fear and manipulation to maintain their thirst for power and money.

  When I have confidence in myself and understand how to live in this world my new life I will get out on my terms and won't play by their terms.

  I plan on developing friendships with new good people, and strengthen the relationship I have with two PIMO friends of mine (one of them whom I am romantically involved with) and who are currently helping me. In fact the latter one was a poster here and he had been gathering information just in case I woke up, being the one who also encouraged me on posting here.

  Thank you all for your support.

  I will see you good people very soon.

  Scarlett
• 

  cookiemaster

  I'm PIMO. My parents are the same. Marry me, I will give you a home and we can pretend to be JWs together and fade together.
• 

  Longlivetherenegades

  @ Scarlet Martin

  The Elusive Quality of Balance

  Keep your head in all situations. Keep your mind sane and balanced. Always be steady.—2 Timothy4 :5, NIV, PME, and RSV renderings respectively.

  Balance indicates mental and emotional steadiness, calmness, the

  ability to resist pressures that sway, to avoid extremes both in

  thought and conduct. The word “balance” rarely appears in Bible

  translations. But it is implicit in the many Scriptural exhortations toward understanding, insight, perceptiveness, for it is a product of those qualities. I believe it is best exemplified for us in the life of God’s Son, in what he said, did and, above all, what he was as a person. His apostles reflect the influence of the balance they saw in, and learned from, their Master....................copied from In Search of Christian freedom

  You need Ray Franz books sincerely. Crisis of Conscience and ISoCF.

  I recommend you read the chapter 17 of ISoCF with title

  THE CHALLENGE OF CHRISTIAN FREEDOM. By the time you conclude the reading you can decide to take other chapters as you desire. But now you really need chapter 17 Keep the Bible verse above to keep your SUICIDAL THOUGHT in check.

  You are able to connect with us here because many of here CHALLENGED the suicidal thought and beat it at its own game. Had they succumbed. You won't come here.

  Fear of Freedom

  To fear is to expect punishment, and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love.—1 John 4:18, Jerusalem Bible.

  Christian freedom, as has been noted, is not simply a negative freedom—the freedom not to believe, not to do—but primarily a positive freedom, the freedom to believe, to do, to be. Though it may seem strange, many find such positive freedom, or just the prospect of it, frightening. For that freedom means taking on responsibility to come to conclusions based on understanding and convictions personally arrived at in one’s own mind and heart, not in someone else’s mind and heart or founded on others’ interpretations and reasonings; the responsibility to make personal choices.............still on Chapter 17

  Regarding 1 John 4:18 it is meant to address the PUNISHMENT you are about to face concerning being SENT PACKING from HOME and the challenge you are about to face here on in life.

  The Storm is HERE every free Christian out there FACED and weathered the storm.

  In addition to your taking sabatcical you might add that ALL ORGANIZED RELIGIONS are CONFLICTED in the way they are ALL CONSTITUTED internally and externally and you have to put your faith in order co concerning that. The reason you are taking a sabbatical
  

  I bet the elders won't grasp where you are coming from.

  I leave you with James 1:27 this you can do, this anyone can do without being a MEMBER OF ANY RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATION.

  The below is a BONUS to the numerous task you set for yourself as highlighted below........

  I can take time to understand how I will proceed and further confirm to myself how the Watchtower is a destructive cult which rules by fear and manipulation to maintain their thirst for power and money.
  

  https://beroeans.net/2018/11/09/awakening-part-4-where-do-i-go-now/
  

  
  
• 

  Jazzbo

  
  

  You may not have much option about meeting with the Elders, they can be difficult to put off. Strongly consider getting some mental health counseling, it's out there and it cannot only be helpful it may be able to point you to useful resources. Also, if you are receiving counseling it may put some constraints on the Elders that are dealing with you, they don't like getting into those kinds of issues. Do not tell anyone you are going to get counseling before you start it. Call the Suicide Help line even if you are not feeling suicidal, make sure you let your Mother know you called after the fact, it could back her off some. Reading Crisis of Conscience by Franz is an excellent suggestion because it will give you a real frame of reference to back up the other things you have learned and will learn.. His second book is also good but a bit heavy.
  

  If you want to stay at home for a while you're going to need to be crafty. Remember YOU DO NOT NEED TO PLAY BY THEIR RULES! Tell them you read about this stuff because a coworker told you about it. Tell them you are depressed, confused and troubled. Tell them you don't know how all these things can be. Tell them you need help. Ask for their help! Tell them you feel lost. Tell them you think you need a Bible Study. Make all the right sounds, appear to make all the right moves and slowly but steadily prepare yourself for separation. Get your finances under control, develop a plan and a schedule. When you do move out make sure you end up in another Congregation's territory because it will be much easier to fade there than in your current Congregation.

  Your alternative is to make a clean break now through confrontation and defiance which will be more painful, have more impact on your family relationship, at least in the short term, but will also be of shorter duration. It doesn't sound to me like you are currently prepared to make a clean break but it is certainly entirely your decision, the first of many decisions you will make on the road to freedom. Remember, remember, remember DO NOT PLAY BY THEIR RULES! You owe them nothing.

  Yes, I used to be an Elder so I know how this works.
  
• 

  Diogenesister

  Just to say if you still have faith Borean pickets have their own zoom meetings.

  I agree you need to speak with your Dad and get his permission to stay. He is under no obligation to shun you as he isn't baptised. Maybe show him JWfacts and get him thinking. Tell him he needs to do his research before he gets baptised.

  Tell him what kind of man Rutherford was. Would Jesus have chosen him to lead his one true org in 1919?

  I recommend buying him Crises of Conscience and asking him to read it. I promise he will never get baptised once he's read that book.

  If all else fails....@Cookiemaster sounds promising !!!
• 

  Funky

  I'm PIMO. My parents are the same. Marry me, I will give you a home and we can pretend to be JWs together and fade together.

  Yikes!

  Not sure where exactly this lands on the "creepy-to-cute" scale.