Question about an elder and if I am crazy

by life is to short 40 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • life is to short
    life is to short

    OK so I have a question. I was a very, very true believer until I saw the child molesters in my hall and how that whole thing was handled.

    My husband is older than I am and had been an elder for 12 when we married. So fast forward to 06, we are in a hall where I thought all the elders were OK at the worst and great at the best. Than this pedophile moved into the hall and I knew he was a child molester and since I was an elder’s wife that the other elder’s would listen and make sure that things were handled properly and of course they would never be allowed to be around kids right.

    Huge mistake on my part, I know. Not only were they allowed to be around kids one even held a sleep over for little boys since he was sent to prison for raping a girl I can only guess the elders felt boys were safe around him? So this one elder who I thought was friends with my husband and me and who is married and we have had him and his wife to dinner and even taken them out to dinner. He turns into being one of the biggest supports of the child molesters.

    So to not drag this out I lose it and get very upset with the elder’s they lose it and delete my husband as an elder after his being one for 32 years because I am not in subjection enough.

    So this elder pulls me into the backroom alone before they deleted my husband and yells at me telling me that ‘we have made him look like he has egg on his face and no one does that and gets by with it.’ Now there was no reason in the world for him to talk to me alone, my husband was at the meeting as were many other elders. I know I was partly to blame as I went with him but up until that point I had thought of us as good friends and was totally blindsided by his anger. I left the room shaking and went home and curled into a ball and just wanted to die, I got into a major depression it was horrible.

    Than a couple of weeks later, I had taken his MIL out shopping and dropped off at her home this elder lives upstairs from his in-laws and he works from home. Well I said something to him and he told me to come into his office and shut the door, I know, I know big mistake on my part again, he proceeds to just rip into me calling me nothing but a pure gossip, than he threatened to DF me for telling a foster mom in the hall that one of the ‘brothers’ was a child molester and then tells me that he had to convince this mom that the child molester was OK to be around kids. I would not back down and he yells at me “THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER! I started crying his wife came home and did not say a thing. It was so bizarre and strange it is even hard for me to believe.

    He pulled me aside at the KH many times one time he somehow knew I was alone in the bathroom with one of the child molester’s daughters and he drilled me about what happened when I was alone with her. I swear he was trying to scare me by intimidation that I could be accused of molesting myself, I finally said I peed washed my hands and left, I never used the KH bathroom again. He counseled me because I always went to the second school when this one child molester gave talks and he told me it really upset the child molester that I did not listen to his talks.

    So I stop going to meetings in 08 and only go to the memorial with my husband, around 2011 or 12 I am at a memorial and I hear this elder coming toward me as he has a limp I can hear him. Now I do not want to have anything to do with the guy and so I move to the other side of the hall and he starts coming that way so I go back to the other side and he starts that way again. It was totally freaking me out. I see his wife sitting in the back and I think OK he won’t bother me if I am talking to her. So I am standing there and she is sitting and I feel him whisper in my ear that I look nice that night. It really freaked me out but I never told anyone as I knew I would not be believed and since then he has not really tired to communicate with me, expect he did write a bizarre letter to us with only a PO box for a return address saying he did not know why I stopped going to meetings expect that I am having problems because of Satan’s system getting me down and he quoted Galatians 12:16 which says “Well, then, have I become YOUR enemy because I tell YOU the truth?: I do not know what in the world that was supposed to mean.

    So anyway in April of this year after not speaking to him really since 08 he calls out of the blue and wants to talk to my husband, I had answered my husband cell phone we do not have land lines anymore. I demanded to know why he was calling and of course being I am a stupid women he would not tell me but demeaned to speak to my husband, at first he said he was ‘going to apologize’ then he said ‘NO that my husband needed to apologize as my husband did not speak to him at meetings and was treating him like he was DF’ed and he did not like it.’ My husband hung up on him and I was so mad that I called him back and told him to leave us alone I had not truly been at the meetings since 08 and never to call again, well he starts in saying that I don’t speak to him either and that I was actually running from him at one of the memorials. I just lost it and started yelling at him telling him he was a ‘nut case and a freak, no one in their right minds would follow someone around like that, He stopped me and said “no you were running from me” I said “running, following what difference does it make you totally had me freaked out that night and it was the memorial, what in the world were you doing that for?” He said that he ‘needed to tell me I looked nice.” I just totally lost it and told him ‘that was totally inappropriate, creepy and that he was totally nuts.’ He stopped talking and said ‘you thought that it was creepy?” I said “beyond creepy, what normal married man does that?”

    The question I have is that I called another elder that night and totally lost it. All of those years that he talked to me alone and yelled at me, that he threatened to DF me, on and on came crashing back, the pain of that time was some of the worst I have ever experienced. I had so thought I was over it but just hearing his voice and the way he talked to me April, him and I got into an email war also in 07-09 which I have every email printed and saved, in one he acknowledges that he knows I loathe him. OK since he knows I loathe him why would he chase me around the hall in 2011, 12 to tell me I looked nice? How did he know I was alone in the bathroom with the pedophile’s daughter? In one of the emails he says that he still had to talk to the daughter to see what her side of it was, so clearly she was not the one who told him it was just her and I in the bathroom.

    OK so this is getting really long and I did not mean it to be this long. I feel this guy is truly a nut case and he scares me. I was molested myself as a child which fact he knew and when my dad died in 05 he would not give my dad’s memorial talk because as to quote him “I could never give a talk for a man who did that to his daughter” yet this one pedophile he budded up to did way, way, way worse to his daughter than my dad ever did to me and this pedophile served 10 years in prison.

    The elder that I had called at first seemed supportive but now he is also demanding that I let it all go and make peace with the nut case of an elder, I even went so far as to speak to the CO who wanted me to burn the emails I have which I will never do but when I told him all that had happened he just looked blankly at me for about 15 seconds he thought about what happened and then said “Nope he still qualifies to be an elder.” How? Elders are never to be alone counseling a sister. I did not truly realize how much his behavior affected me. I have been in a depression since April as it was such a shock that he called and the threat of being DF’ed is still out there. They will use the excuse of causing divisions.

    My question is am I crazy or is this just truly nuts and insane. So much of the time I doubt myself and think did I do something to cause this. I will not back down on my stand about pedophiles.

    Again sorry for the long post.


    PS I have been afraid to post about this in case someone who knows this case is on the board but I have been so down and it has been going on for so long I just feel crazy. I have been extremely depressed since April and I just doubt myself all the time. I just do not get why it has brought me down so much.

  • JWdaughter

    I'm sorry. Is your husband still a true believer?

  • jeanniebeanzz

    You are not crazy, the guy is a creep. Why are you still going to the hall at all? Why are you doubting yourself and your instincts. Why are you still even talking to these nutjobs.

    move on...

  • freddo

    What jeanniebeanzz said ...

    Also - the man is a self obsessed lunatic. Stop engaging with him. DO NOT talk to him; DO NOT communicate with him in any way whatsoever.

    Keep the emails. When he persists and you get your lawyer to tell him to "______ off" they can be referred to by him in his correspondence.

    If you were my wife that elder would be lifted by his necktie against the wall and have it explained up close and personal to leave you alone.

    BTW - You're not the crazy one!

  • jeanniebeanzz

    *likes freddo*

  • Chook

    I bet he is living with his Inlaws because he's a lazy bastard, or plays on that limp. But he will have the energy to crucify any poor sister who stands up to his religious treachery. You must tell these dickheads that you don't negotiate with terrorists. Hang in there , we are sorry for your pain.

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    LITS, You are dealing with possibly dangerous, nutso people. We all know the Elder's are in a Big Boys Club and some are doing wrong even illegal things.

    Can you just stay away from them and get your rest, see your therapist and keep posting here. You are not crazy. The situation is though.

    Hugs to you my good and honest friend who happens to be swimming in a pool with sharks.

    Take good care of yourself first.

  • Crazyguy

    Some men just seam to know if a woman has been a victim before and then preys on them. I'm really surprised your husband has done nothing to help you or defend you. At the very least you guys should have moved to a different congregation. I think your husband is a joke if he's done nothing to help you in this !

  • zeb

    lits. Please see a therapist, please.

    If he keeps phoning you go to the Police as it may be considered 'stalking' in your locality. You are being nice while dealing with sharks. Power they have power they want power over decent innocent folk like you.

  • Je.suis.oisif

    Wow, unbelievable! Almost choked over my breakfast cereal reading your OP!

    I've experienced similar & also observed same! Just bat s**t crazy. You need to take control & set clear & defined boundaries. Your husband needs to step up here. You'll need to devise a plan & support each other. You might be depressed. I thought I was. I've realised since turning my back on this goon show that I was suffering from the trauma of life events. Their duplicitous lives, managing their privelges in the congn was, well a TOTAL MIND F**K. It upended me mentally. I was always in a state of emotional flux for 32yrs. My esteem was dependent on how I was treated in the congn by the elders. I don't miss this. My poor nonJW hubby must have had many WTAF moments throughout all these years. Part of your problem is your husbands non-support in all of this. You don't mention this in your OP which is why I arrive at this conclusion.

    Please be kind to yourself. I've just been suggested a book that will help me. It's by some one called Beck, first name totally gone. It's called " Find Your Own North Star ". Some wise bods on here tell us " they're only men, they only possess the power we allow them to have ", or something along these lines.

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