Thanks everyone for your responses, I totally get that it is a very sick religion and even though the older ones are nice they are brain washed and even being around them puts me into a depression. I feel for them through as many of them are just left on their own after years of slaving for the religion and yet they cannot see it for what it is. As sad as it is it is not my responsibility to help them or befriend them especially when then are encouraging me to come back.
I think that is what hit me last night, I know Mrs. Flipper told me to call off the dinner and in hindsight it would have probably been better to do that as I just did not know it would depress me so much. The creepy elder is really looked up to so much.
The other day it totally hit me that if all of this was happening in a work place environment that it would be deemed harassment if not even sexual harassment. I goggled the word harassment and it describes the depression I am going through of the person being harassed.
The frustrating thing is that unlike in a work place where you can get legal help religions have first amendment rights so they can do anything they like and there is nothing really you can do to stop them.
I am going to do what Simon suggested and even stop going to the memorial with my husband, just going once a year is HUGE STRESS to me. It is just hard to be in a divided home.
I realized also like some said on this thread that I have ptsd, I never really bought into all of that before I always thought ptsd was put on by many to just get by with copping out on life, but man just hearing that creeps voice sent chills down me, it is also so frustrating that there is nothing in the laws of this land that prevents child molesters from gaining trust in a religion and getting to be around kids. The laws leave it totally up the the leaders of the church to handle it. There should be a law against the two witness rule and elders talking to children alone once they say they have been molested.
I have to realize there is nothing I can do. The police have told me that, one cop told me to never go back to the church as he thought it was so horrible but there is noting anyone can do until another child gets harmed and the powers to be a Bethel know that. And if a child does come forward the elders like I mentioned will talk to the child alone and destroy what they can and in all like hood by traumatizing the child.
It is just so sad and frustrating, but thanks everyone for your replays. I also realized that I needed to find a counselor who can really help me, I had been going to one but like I told OTWO she was telling me her problems also, I was confused as I was gong to her for help yet it was like friends meeting and sharing problems. OTWO said that really should not be happening. This new one is not doing that, she is confirming that I do have trauma that I have been hiding and you just cannot do that you have to address it or it keeps coming back. I really am trying to work through this, I just do not get it because before the creepy elder called in April I really did feel I had made progress and then to fall back like I did I know I have a lot more to work on.
Again thank all who have answered and sorry to be such a basket case.