Reminders of an abuser

by Lady Lee 58 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Thank you Bonnie Smack and Angharad

    Just hanging in and waiting for the tests

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    I've only just become aware the past few years that one day I will die. I grew up believing that I would life forever and never grow old. That realization was hard at first, and frankly it was scary. I can't imagine how frightening it would be to face a biopy, and all that implies, whilst fighting the echoes of the past.

    LL, I just wish you were closer. You need a big hug. It's okay to be afraid. Just don't give in to it. Fear is like a fog, and it keeps you from seeing things clearly.

    Just know how many people here care for you and that dear little girl who was so treated so hideously. We hear the story and we hurt with you. We see what he did, and we grieve. Let us come with you on this journey. Take as many people as you need.

    You're not alone this time.

  • bikerchic


    Words escape me and now BigTex has made me cry, sometimes it's all so painful, my heart aches for all the little children who have suffered and keep on suffering at the hands of an abuser.

    Please think positive thoughts, do some imagery work and positive affirmations, visualize your body fighting and healing.

    My thoughts are with you!

    (((((((BT))))))) you are a dear man!

    KateVisit Smiley Central!

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    BT and Kate

    ya made me cry - those good cleansing tears

    I hate those people who say "Forget it. It's in the past." Yeah it happened in the past but it is right here, right now in my face... er body.

    Most of us have felt alone to deal with this. It is so great that we can share with others who do understand

    (((((((to both of you)))))) Your partners are so lucky

    One good note - got an appointment with a dr about me foot problem - for Friday - this one coming so we will see if he has anything to say about that problem and then will be off to see a neurologist for same problem - might take longer though to see that one.

    d*mn this body is falling apart bit by bit

  • ashitaka
    d*mn this body is falling apart bit by bit

    Yeah, I can understand that frustration. I'm 23, and I have knee, back, hip, stomach problems, along with high blood pressure. I really understand how frustrating it is, and that just compounds the emotional pain, hon. Believe me, I know.

    Like BT said, you're not alone. There are scores of people here who are healing, and there nothing like another wounded heart that can reach out to you and understand you (or not), it's just important that people are here that appreciate you, and they can read some of the finer points of your soul from perhaps thousands of miles away. To be able to show how good of a person you are just by typing words is a gift, and you have it.

    We're all here for you, and you can be as tired and hurt as you need to be.



  • MoeJoJoJo

    Lee, you have a heart of gold and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this and the pain of your childhood.

    Get plenty of rest, make sure you are eating healthy and start taking beta carotene, if you're not already (if your doctor approves). I wish the best for you----sending healthy, caring vibes your way.

    lots of hugs,


  • SheilaM

    ((((((((((LadyLee)))))))))))))))))) I would be happy to go dig said ass**** up and stop the crap out of the bones anything to make you feel better.

    Were here for you

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    "Forget it. It's in the past."

    It's in the past, but to forget about it would mean you would also forget the life lessons you've learned.

    Take this thing one step at a time. If you look too far ahead, you can get overwhelmed. Center yourself in the knowledge that you are a survivor, and not only just survival but you have conquered everything your father has done to you. Look at what you have won in your life. Experience the feelings as you go along this journey, but let them out as well. This is a safe place, and there are so many people here who care and want to listen. It's so easy to keep it all in, I know I'm guilty of that many times, but open up just a little to your friends, to the people who care about you when and if you need to.

    We're not behind you LL, we're with you.


  • cruzanheart

    And remember, we're all a post or a phone call away. Please remember, dear Lady Lee, that you are a very valued member of this group and, I'm sure, of others. We all love you and wish we could make the hurt go away. We appreciate receiving the benefit of your experiences, hurtful though they were, and just think -- by talking about what happened to YOU, you may help someone else avoid the same tragedies. It is only by publicizing child abuse that it will come out of the darkness and be stopped. Your experiences will not be in vain.

    Prayers, positive energy, good thoughts -- you will have a lot of this on September 5!

    Lots of love,


  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Oh my gosh You all have no idea how much I need this right now.

    I haven't told my girls yet. They are too far and if it is nothing I will worry them needlessly ... so I will share it with all of you.

    I am doing my best to stay positive

    Well and I'm avoiding it. I have other health problems that at least I can deal with now.

    I have a couple of foot problems that is causing me majow problems right now. I can't walk around a grocery store without winding up in major pain. The other day I went to Walmart and bit the bullet and asked for the electric scooter they offer to shoppers.

    I also asked for the forms for disabled parking and my dr agrees it is a good idea so he is signing them for one year and hopes we can solve the problem. If not I might wind up in a wheelchair - part time for now but maybe long term - I don't know yet.

    I feel torn. Other people might need the parking spot more than me but I know once the pain kicks in I can hardly stand the pain is so bad.

    Coming back from Montreal I went through the disabled check-in because I was in so much pain from standing in the long lines at the airport.

    Becoming disabled is not too scary for me. I worked with people with disabilities for many years so know there are a lot of creative ways to cope. My major problem will be this old house we are in. Bedrooms and bath are upstairs. We have to move but that means doing a minimum of fixing up before we try to sell. So I am doing what I can.

    But I'd rather they find the problem and fix it. I hate painkillers and am allergic to a lot of them now so I try not to use them but sometimes I just have to.

    In spite of all that I am looking forward to the future. I hope to start a program that will let me set up an on-line counseling service which might be really helpful to people in rural and remote areas of the country where counseling might be difficult if not impossible to get.

    Life goes on. I'm not ready to bail on life yet. I've gone through too much to give up now. The fighter in me lives on.

    But I might need and call on that support over the next couple of months. Thank you all again

    (((to every one of you)))

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