The only reason I show up at 5 or 6 meetings each month is to keep in contact with my parents and a few other family members.
Attending 5 or 6 meetings/month, is too often. As you are experiencing depression and hopelessness which is worsened by meeting attendance, continue to reduce attendance for your own benefit. You will likely see little difference in the treatment you receive whether you attend once per month or 6 times/month. Eventually, you will likely realize there is little benefit to attending whatsoever.
JWs typically focus on what you haven't done, not what you did do. Even in attending 6, you missed some so therefore, you will be looked down upon regardless.
Losing my parents is holding me back,
How your parents will react, is entirely their choice.
You are not responsible for your parent's happiness, 'feelings' or acceptance. While we all understand the control the JW religion attempts to exert over it's members, the decision to accept and comply with that level of control, is your parent's choice. Although they may have stated what they would do if you stopped practising, what they will actually do cannot be proven until tested.
When a person becomes an adult, they usually break free from their parent's control, to make decisions for their own benefit and the family they create with their partner.
You are no longer a child who should require continual parental approval so perhaps this needs to be something discussed with a therapist. I also recommend reading Susan Forward's book, 'Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life'. The suggestions presented by both, often can be also applied to other relationships, not just parents.
Your mind is a part of you, which is influenced and adaptable to conditions experienced throughout life. Some of the reactive adaptations are not always the most healthy or beneficial, but are only a method of survival. Just as if you had a physical condition (ex: broken leg, sore back) which required outside assistance and treatment to restore full and healthy operation, sometimes, a person needs help to realize there maybe other, better and more healthy methods to deal with other people and the stresses of life.
In addition to considering consulting an experienced therapist, you need to also accept that modifying your mental outlook is necessary and a priority. It is not selfish to put yourself first in this regard.
I guess my husband and I being blackmailed by his parents (not J.W's) doesn't help
I don't know what this is in regards to, but please consider, it takes participation by you and your husband for this control to be successful. Perhaps if you both sit down and discuss the matter with his parents, the matter can be dealt with and the threat eliminated.
If the above is less than 100% successful, maybe a proactive response by you and your husband is needed, so his parents no longer have this tool of control at their disposal.
