Really struggling to go on

by Isambard Crater 34 Replies latest jw friends

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  Pete Zahut

  I found out that living with your foot in both worlds, can literally tear you up. For me, going to the meetings was like going to a funeral 3 times a week. Constantly hearing about the imaginary "end of the system" and the "wicked world", was having a detrimental effect on me and making it difficult to navigate myself through the real world.

  A week after I quit going altogether, the unexplained panic and anxiety attacks I had been having for the past few years, suddenly stopped. The only reason I completely stopped going to meeting was because my body finally said ENOUGH ! and forced me to stop.

  If I'd have realized what was causing the suffering, I would have stopped years sooner. When I did finally stop going, guess what? They went on without me...no one cared. After 25 years of attending that Hall and raising our kids there and having our whole social life revolve around JW's, it took 3 years before anyone came looking for me and that was because it was the Circuit Overseers visit and he made them do it.

  I hope you listen to your inner voice and take steps toward getting yourself away from their negative and destructive message, before you do something rash. If you're like me, you'll be shocked at how quickly you'll be well again.
  
• 

  SummerAngel

  Hi Isambard. I haven't posted before but feel moved to after your story. Firstly I just want to share briefly where I come from, I left via fading approx 1990 I've been evangelical christian since this isn't about a preach though its a about trying to suggest practical help. I am fortunate i still have good contact with my parents who are in it probably because i was never bapped.

  I know people here are are quick to say leave and bugger the consequence, you need to be mentally strong to leave. I am also a mental health professional and would suggest you speak to your GP about antidepressants, they aren't the sole answer but counselling around leaving cults is quite specific and may well be useful later. Start to gather a plan for leaving, this will help you feel in control , when people feel they have no way out that's when the dangerous options seem appealing. I would suggest a 3 prong approach: firstly start to further reduce your involvment be inactive attend less and less, skip assemblies and socials have a job that requires you to work Sundays that sort of thing.

  Secondly start to research online various sites like jw facts this will help you to support your reasons that you are doing the right thing and also you may be surprised by the amount of people that have already left and how good they feel now.

  Lastly build a life outside- cultivate outside friends attend non he socials maybe even the odd birthday drink with a colleague which will feel odd at first but it passes. Take up a hobby, if you missed out on higher ed start to look into that just start to get a feel for life outside and all its fullness but I would do this gradually its a big change but absolutely for the better I've never met anyone who regretted leaving. Personally I wouldn't disclose to family or any jws yet its too fragile, let them work it out again this puts you in control. Hope that helpsx
• 

  Chook

  Lot and Abraham attended no meetings and I couldn't imagine Jesus singing hymns before his sermons. Isambard you know what you have to do, subjecting yourself to religious pain only hurt you , so run my friend.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  It can be a balancing act to become PIMO. If you feel like jumping in front of that train, then you may need to be more OUT than IN. If you are miserable and suffering through meetings to maintain your family, then there are a couple things you need to think about-
  1. Is it worth it?
  2. Will you actually lose them if you were to skip the meetings entirely?

  The point is that you will be happier regardless of consequences if you just stop attending meetings. And as a bonus, you just might retain some family.

  I can't do this for another 20 years!

  You already know you need to stop being physically "in."
• 

  Isambard Crater

  Thankyou very much, everyone, for your support and replies. Each reply means a lot to me.

  SummerAngel and Pete Zahut, I can totally relate to the panic attacks, anxiety and other symptoms. The only time in my life when I've not suffered them is for the 15 years I drifted while I was an unbaptized publisher, before returning for in hindsight I don't know what for.

  My meeting attendance has dropped off a lot this last two years but quite a lot of other J.W's in the Congregation hardly attend these days either, so hopefully I can get away with continuing my trend.

  About my parents, it feels like having watched someone grow ingredients and spend a long time putting their heart and soul into making a meal for me, which I realise as soon as it's served on the table will poison me and them, but feeling like I'm eating it to prevent hurting their feelings, as I know how much genuine effort they put into it for the right motives.

  I have posted on this Forum for several months and appreciate all your support.
• 

  stan livedeath

  so you would eat poisoned food--knowing it will kill you--AND them--rather than hurt their feelings-????
• 

  sparrowdown

  It's actually normal and healthy to start leading your own life apart from your parents.

  Don't believe the WT propoganda that grown-ass people should remain bound to their parents physically as in (doing everything their parents do) and mentally (as in thinking everything their parents do) - for life!

  Any parent or organization that expects that does not have your best interests at heart.

  Only you are responsible for you and your choices, so choose life outside of a mind control cult. Your mind will thank you for it.
• 

  Doubtfully Yours

  MOPI here, due to not wanting to lose fmly and friends.

  I miss as many mtgs and service as possible. When at the mtgs, with my smart phone, I tune out completely.

  Perhaps professional assistance is warranted; it's not normal to want to end your life just because of a religion.

  Big hug for you.

  DY
• 

  dubstepped

  Why would you put your parents' happiness above your own? It almost sounds like you're in a cult inside a cult, the cult of family. You can walk away from the cult and your parents still would have had good intent, the two aren't mutually exclusive, though if they shun you I would argue that their intent wasn't as good as you think. Shunning proves a desire for control rather than love.

  If you were diabetic and your parents made a sugar laden meal would you eat it just to please them? If you were lactose intolerant and they made homemade butter and wanted you to sit down and eat it by the spoonful would you? Why would you do this then?
• 

  Finkelstein

  Isambard Crater

  Sounds like you need to start planing a gradual fade out of the JWS religion.
  

  Plan to eventfully stop going then dont celebrate Christmas or holidays so JW elders cant Dfed you. When its been a couple of years and it clear you haven't participated for awhile then your clear and being that your not Dfed means your parents can keep a relationship with you.

  Its a slog but its worth it in the long run.